


Touch it for Real

by soobadnoonecanstopher



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Mutual Pining, Roommates, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Virgin Byun Baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 91,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soobadnoonecanstopher/pseuds/soobadnoonecanstopher
Summary: Genre: Humor / Fluff / Eventual SmutWarnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baekCharacters: Baekhyun X You/Female ReaderDescription: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Original Female Character(s), Byun Baekhyun/Reader, Byun Baekhyun/You
Comments: 19
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

  
  
  
  


New year, new you. 2021 would be your year; you could just feel it.

A brand new song played out of the fancy new headphones that you got as a belated Christmas gift from your long distance best friend and it’s upbeat tempo lifted up your chin with each happy note as you typed quickly and without a single typo into the _Experience_ field of the job application on your screen. You were sick of data entry. You were sick of working from home. You longed for a place to go to every day. You longed for new faces to see and for new people to talk to. You had this idea in your head that offices were somehow peaceful and quiet. 

The song played on, reaching the chorus and you nodded your head along to the beat. Catching on to the words easily as they repeated, you sang along.

  
  


_“...otherfucker! God.Damn.Cocksu…”_

[excellent communication skills, verbally and written] your fingers flew into the space. You embellished and you painted the picture of you as prettily as you could. Yes, you could read. Yes, you could write too. By golly, you could talk just fine; expertly even. Yes, you could tune out your roommate’s blood curdling, top of his damn lungs, exhaustively repetitive cursing and you wouldn't even pound on the shared wall this time. You wouldn't even send him an instant message on the second monitor he gave you when he upgraded his screen to one that wrapped around his entire corner desk. 

The song had reached a climax and the volume dropped as the singer sang a sustained high note. It was very impressive. You’d reached the _special skills_ section of the application now. How many of these had you done today? You listed your very special skills or order of pertinence to the job you were applying for and hit the save & continue button at the bottom of the screen. 

_“Hey, where the fuck are you? I said left, you dumbass motherfucker. LEFT! Ohh you stupid fuck — YOUR_

_OTHER LEFT! I bet your mom tried to throw you away when she first saw how stupid you were — what_

_the_ _fuck was that?!”_

The chorus returned and you turned the volume up one more notch, and pivoted your torso so your second monitor was in view. In the toolbar of that screen sat a single window. It had only his name on it. Your cursor hovered over it. 

New you. New you. You turned back to the screen with your application. 

_“Ahhhhhhh. GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”_

Your song finished and another one started. This next song was not new. This song was one you’d heard countless times before. It was much too slow in tempo and much too lyrically sensitive to drown out the noise coming from the other room. It sounded like he lost his game with the long sustained screaming that usually meant he didn't get whatever loot he had been trying to win. Maybe even lost everything in his pockets while he was at it. 

_“Now I don't even want to play anymore!”_

There were a few blessed minutes when your mind drifted back to the song playing in your ears. It was one of your favorites. The lyrics were soft and hit deep within your chest and you closed your eyes right when you clicked submit on the application. Bracing a moment for the shift to happen on your screen. The moment of no-take-backs. You peeled an eye open and the word “Success!” displayed boldly at the top with a message thanking you for applying to join their team. You wondered if any real person would even take a glance at your resume. 

Your mouse hand moved to click on the next tab; another job opening you’d saved; one of many when an abrupt, terrifying, nausea inducing sensation grabbed a hold of your body and hurled your entire frame away from your desk — hurling backward toward the floor behind you. You’d crack your skull. You’d break your neck. Your headphones shifted and fell off onto your shoulders and your arms instinctively jolted outward to stop this, to brace yourself. It was useless, there was nothing to grab hold of. The panic was swift to set in and a high pitched loud scream filled the air behind you as you fell. You fell, it happened so fast but the earth beneath you gave way and you were most certainly falling into a vast sinkhole, you were doomed — only you weren’t. You braced for it and closed your eyes tight and the feeling of falling pulled at your insides but as quickly as it began it stopped. 

The scream, the faked irritating noise quickly turned into high pitched over-the-top manic laughter behind you and you were indelicately plopped forward again in your chair — your feet fell flat on the ground and your breathing ragged and heavy. An immediate deep annoyance filled your mind and you closed your eyes up, forcing your lungs to inflate as deeply and as slowly as they could. Slow and deep. Just breathe calmly and completely. You counted down from ten inside your head. Forcing your temper to calm down as the exaggerated laughter continued behind you. 

He’d flung himself onto your bed and rolled around as he laughed. You could hear the HA HA HAs and HE HE HEs moving around and a tense glance behind you told you that you would have to re-make your bed once he left, for he had rolled himself up in your comforter and taken it with him as he laughed and laughed about his oh-so-funny and surprising prank he’d played on you just now. It was only the 50th time he’d done it too. The unoriginal bastard.

“It never gets old. You fall for it every time,” he laughed from somewhere within your rolled up blanket. 

And he wasn't even right. You didn't “fall” for it every time. You knew you weren't going to actually fall. Deep down inside you actually knew it was him. Maybe your body panicked at the time, but your mind; your mind, it knew.

He was just a stupid idiot who found pleasure in stupid things like pulling on the backs of peoples’ chairs when they were filling out job applications, or pulling the hood of your jacket up over your whole head you were focused on work spreadsheets, or tapping on your shoulder to get you to look the wrong way as he walked by during your mind numbing data entry sessions that you had to finish to reach certain goals by a certain time, or reaching a hand in the door to turn off your light when you were having a zoom meeting with your supervisor for a disciplinary review disguised as a ‘performance training focusing on targeted areas of improvement.’ (Basically — The Company wanted their people to act more like machines. But they also couldn’t come right out and say that because of “lawyer reasons” so they wanted their people to act like people-like machines. You had been acting too people-like for The Company and needed to turn that down a little bit. Better numbers, less bathroom breaks was the takeaway.) 

New year. New you. 

You willed your eyelids to close and you pulled more air deep into your lungs. You would not engage. He was a child and if you gave him the attention he was after things would only get ten times worse. You would not get mad. You would not throw your mouse at his head. You would not body slam him or throw his shoes out the window. New you. 

When you opened your eyes his giggles had quieted down; not receiving the reaction he had wanted from you he quickly lost interest. He had unrolled himself and was now scrolling through something on his phone and typing out as he mouthed words quietly to himself. 

You turned back to the screen that had been open and noticed that you had opened your work spreadsheet during the scramble to catch yourself from falling. Only something about the hours and hours of work you had put in today looked sketchy. 

You moved your mouse and hit a few keys and the program did not respond. It was cloud based and sometimes, every now and then, things would freeze up and luckily you had a habit of saving frequently just in case things went wrong. 

You couldn’t quite remember if you had saved this time. 

“Hey Baekhyun, my screen is frozen,” you said quietly, moving your mouse again, too scared to reload the whole page for fear that hours of your hard work would be lost if you did. 

He didn't respond, instead was still furiously typing on his phone.

“Baek,” you raised your voice toward him and his eyes glanced in your direction once before returning to the small device in his hand. 

“Uhh...just hit F5,” he mumbled absentmindedly and you turned to look back at your screen. Not quite trusting him entirely, but somehow wanting to nonetheless. 

A few more clicks did nothing to bring your program back to life and you laid a finger over the key he told you would fix everything. What did F5 even do? Did it toggle the internet connection or something? That kinda neat trick seemed to be right up his alley. He always had the keyboard shortcuts to fix everything that was broken and without ideas of your own, you pressed down on the key.

“I mean, after you save, duh, of course,” Baekhyun said, lifting his head curiously to look at your screen, “obviously,” he added with a egotistical eye roll. 

Your screen turned white. Your work, the whole damn day vanished and what stared back at you was a blank form. 

His head was still lifted looking at your computer screen, his phone in his hand still illuminated with a chat window involving him and someone with a screen name that contained at least three Xs in the word ‘vixen’ and it wasn’t the flash of realization that rolled through his face as he looked at your screen and realized what had just happened that did it. It was the quick chuckle that came out of his chest and the infuriating way he just looked back at his phone and to read the single worded response that had just come in from Vixxxen18 that pushed you over the edge this time. 

You lunged then. It was pure and blinding rage that pulsed through you and you hurled your entire body onto where he laid, half covered with your blanket on your bed in your room where he was absolutely at no point in time invited and you let out a half murderous shriek aimed to deafen him and a half Xena-style battle cry designed to kill audibly as you flew through the air.

“You! Asshole! That was my whole day’s work!” You led with your elbows and your knees and everything that had a point and then your fists were flying—hitting along his arms, hitting his back, hitting anywhere you could hit and from somewhere beneath where he had cowered himself below your covers you heard grunts of pained protest.

“OW!” He cried with each satisfying contact you made and you were pretty sure most of your punches went straight into the bed and didn't even come anywhere near him with as skinny as he was. He was wiggling and quite impossible to pin down under there. You couldn’t be sure where he started and where your pillows began. A quick run of your hands for his exact location came up uncertain when you felt what you were sure was the skinny muscle of his thigh and you gripped tightly and squeezed down as hard as you could. 

You were rewarded with a muffled screech; muted by the cotton filing of your blanket, but quite blood curdling in nature. You’d gotten him. You shifted and squeezed again, even harder and the screams changed into something else, something much more panicked sounding and he was moving back and scrambling to escape. The movement was frantic and much more dramatic than you thought was necessary.

“Where are you touching? Where are you grabbing? You don't even know what you just did, oh my god — oh my god. I’m going to cry.”

You had no idea what he was being so dramatic about but another round of wild swings of your fists had him emerging from the covers to grab both of your wrists and he held on tight. 

“I can fix it,” he shouted with wide eyes, sweat matted hair, and a beet red face. “Stop—just stop hitting me, stop grabbing my fucking dick with your whole-ass hand and let me fix it. Jesus-fucking-Christ!” 

Your eyes widened to painful levels, but somehow his words made you instantly retract your hands and you backed up off the bed to escape these wild and unfounded accusations. There was no way. The feeling was all wrong. He would have been...softer there, wouldn't he have been? That had to just be his stupid skinny clenched thigh muscle, right? You felt like your hands were somehow contaminated just from the very idea of it and you pulled them up to your face to look at them. Did these hands look like they had just touched a completely off-limits dick? Is this what dick grabbing hands looked like? 

“There is no way I touched you there.” Your denial was vehement, “I felt...it was your thigh. Maybe I got close, but there is no way. Baekhyun...wh-why was it stiff? Why did it feel like...clenched? Baekhyun—”

He lifted his hands to cover his face and you could see the red shade of his skin through his parted fingers. He was mumbling to himself.

“Oh my god. Oh my god,” he repeated again and again and you took a few steps back and away from him, pulling your hands down behind your back to somehow keep them from ever touching him again even by accident. 

“I can’t believe the first time an actual girl touches it ...and it’s you, trying to rip it off.” You couldn’t be sure, but you saw something glistening on temples underneath his slim fingers. You couldn’t be sure it wasn’t just sweat. He was very worked up and that blanket looked very hot.

“Baekhyun are you crying?” You tried your very best to keep all traces of mockery out of your voice. It wasn't because you felt bad. You didn’t. But there was no way you were at fault here. Not when he’d been responsible for you losing all of your work. He wasn't even supposed to be in here. Part of the agreement when you moved into this place was that he had his space and you had your space. Sure as you got to know him, got to know how damn annoying he was and what a slob he was, you found yourself going into his room more and more often to do things to save his stupid life and he came into your room whenever the hell he wanted to. Hell, he fell asleep on your bed for six hours yesterday afternoon and no amount of angry noisy typing could wake him up. 

He sniffled in deep. You heard definite snot in his nose and he inhaled a raspy breath. He was crying. Real tears. The realization that you had perhaps gone too far brought your hands up and extended in his direction and you took a few steps to move closer to him, cautiously hovering your hands over his trembling form. He turned when he heard you coming, forming a tight ball with his body and you lifted a hand slowly to lightly touch his back. He didn't flinch when you made contact which you took as a good sign. 

You tapped lightly twice. For comfort. To make the idiot come to his senses and get up to fix your computer like he promised he would. 

“Baekhyun, are you crying because I accidentally touched your penis? Is it because it was ….you know?” The word — penis — it came out of your mouth as a half whisper, half laugh and you bit down on the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing outright. You couldn’t even property describe, out loud, the state of alert you had definitely felt in the tight grip of your hand. How dare he bring a boner into your bedroom. In your bed even — God dammit, you had your cutest stuffed animals in there with it. Everybody was getting a bath today.

Baekhyun shook on the bed, half laughing, half sobbing to himself. 

“I’m not crying,” he said through the obvious sounds of a grown man crying and you moved your hand over his back again to shush the man who refused to admit the truth of his emotions. Despite the upset, he still let out an occasional curious giggle to himself. You couldn’t be sure what exactly he found so damn funny about nearly having his dick permanently injured. You had been very mad and had been squeezing very hard. You were out to injure. He’s lucky it wasn't broken. 

“Baekhyun I’m sorry. But….Peanut? Did you say you could fix my computer?” You switched then, to a softer voice and you heard the calming in his chest as his breathing evened out again. You knew it was a dirty trick to use the loving nickname you sometimes called him when you needed his help with something only he could do; like fix your computer and recover your whole day’s work so you didn't get fired; you were already on probation. One more screw up and you’d have to find another mind numbing job that sucked the life out of you. Of course you picked Peanut because the man kinda sorta looked like one. He had a big ol’ round head of fluffy hair, a tiny waist, and some of the curviest hips you had ever seen on a man. He was a peanut. It was a fact.

He pulled a deep chest filling breath into his chest. “Okay, Bug. I’ll fix it.” he said as the air escaped slowly in a long sigh. He also pulled out the big guns with the weirdly ill-fitting nickname he liked to call you by— although you were pretty sure he was using it ironically since between the two of you, if anyone was keeping score, he was clearly the creepier, crawlier, more insect-like one of the two. Still he wielded it with such an affectionate tone every time he used it that you had never once told him to stop. 

When Baekhyun finally moved to get up, his motion uncovered his cell phone from within the covers of your bed and you saw it flash with a notification of another message received from Vixxxen18. You recalled earlier, her message was a short and succinct _‘no’_ and you caught this next message right before he grabbed the phone and stuffed it away inside his pocket. 

_‘Fucking loser.’_ The message said and you could feel your anger flaring up hot at the harsh judgement from this stranger on the internet. What the fuck did she know? Yes, he was annoying. Yes he was dumb. He was a damn idiot. A computer genius, yes, but a fucking moron in all other aspects of life but he was not a fucking loser. No way. And so what if he was? He was your fucking loser. You felt weirdly protective in that moment and he sat down roughly on your chair, still quite glistening from the upset and the sweat that dripped from his hair down his earlobes. 

“Hey, what was that message about?” Your curiosity burned. You didn't usually have to hold back when it came to Baekhyun. The comfort level was too high at this point. Although there was something else that was bothering you about this most recent exchange with him that didn't have anything to do with the message you saw on his phone from Vixxxen18. 

“And what did you mean, the first girl to touch it? Baek are you—I mean, have you never—”

He was typing on your computer now. He had several windows with scary looking black backgrounds and white letters that made no sense to you and he was making no moves to turn to talk to you or giving you any indication at all like he was about to have this conversation with you. 

“I mean, who the hell even is she to be saying something like that to you?”

You sat down on your bed and placed your hands in your lap, looking down at your chipped fingernails, you picked with your thumb at the red polish that long ago needed to be redone. You hadn’t painted them since your last date. That had to have been a month ago. 

“Hey you dummy, you have to change your passwords more way often than this.” He was deep in somewhere else now and as he scrolled you saw occasional familiar words and windows flash across your screen, “and don't you know not to use real words? God you’re so easy — the name of your first dog. Popeye123456. So fucking boring. Might as well just hand out your data on a platter. Jesus, I’m changing it for you. I’ll write it down.”

He was scribbling on a post it note, some series of numbers and letters you were never going to remember. He held it up for you to see and you wrinkled your nose, wondering how quickly you could change all of your passwords back to the easy ones you could remember. Though as he started explaining, he pointed at each letter that stood for the word he was saying and strangely enough the combination began to make some sense to you, as insulting as it was. 

“Holy-Crap—“ he pointed at the capital H and C he had written down and moved on to the rest of the letters in lower case, “i-am-stupid-AF-please-take-my-$300, make sure you capitalize the AF because that is how stupid you are. Stupid AF.” You were annoyed at how quickly you remembered this ridiculous new password of his. You were even more annoyed that he somehow knew that you had only $300 in your bank account. What a bastard. And even worse, he was completely ignoring the most important part of your conversation with him. 

That horrible horrible woman he had tried chatting up.

“I mean the screen name itself should have given it away. She’s not worth your time. What are you even doing talking with someone with that kind of screen name — Vixxxen18? Ugh. Gross.” 

His fingers clicked and you saw windows flash across your screen. One such screen was your precious work form from today with all of your rows and columns of data populated just as it had been before you switched tabs and began filling out those nine job applications on company time. He’d recovered it all, of course. 

And he had, of course, been hearing your questions, but it wasn’t until he was done with his quick typing that he turned his chin to point in your direction with his eyes narrowed in your direction. Would he berate you for snooping? After you’d seen him scrolling through your entire web history for the day, even taking a moment to pause on the names and profiles of the various friends that just happened to be men that you talked to quite regularly. Many were handsome. Many were successful and clearly showed interest in you. You flirted openly, shamelessly when you felt particularly bored. You’d even gone on dates with a few of them. 

You were single. You were young and you could do whatever you wanted with your love life. 

“I talk to lots of girls like her,” he said, shrugging flippantly, now browsing through a photo gallery of the most recent man you’d been on a date with. “Thought they might be….easier.” 

On your screen, you saw your handsome date’s brilliant smile lighting up the club; the exact same copy/pasted smile with some busty gal on his arm on some boat in the harbor; again with a different girl and a different tropical background. The pictures might as well have been photoshopped, as formulaic as they were. The guy had been perfectly fine on the date. Polite. Kind to the wait staff. Obviously expecting to get to at least third base with you. You just couldn’t get past the glaring insincerity. His smile was so lovely but his eyes were just so damn empty. You hadn’t responded to his messages again after the date and the last message he sent, a week later had been pretty ugly. 

“They aren’t right for you,” you said softly with absolute certainty and he glanced at you briefly before closing out a myriad of windows on your screen, leaving only your most recent work project open. He made a big gesture with the mouse clicking multiple times on the save icon and you watched with a relieved sigh as he rose from the chair and motioned for you to sit back down. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he said when you sat down and clicked out of the window after submitting your work. You leaned back in your chair and looked up at the view of the bottom of his pointed chin. “The kind of girl doesn’t matter. There is no right one. They all say the same shit. I get too shy and talk too little, or I get too nervous and talk too much or I say the wrong thing and I’m not cool enough or I don't care about whatever stupid brainless Bravo show they are talking about and they are all basically the same girl again and again.”

“No, but Baek, a good one. A girl that’s into what you are into, plays the same games or watches the same animes—” 

“Generally speaking, anime is both singular and plural,” he mumbled over your speech and you didn’t want to pause. You had a point to make here. “Unless you're talking about various specific genres, or collections which I don't think you are but hypothetically in that specific context you might be able to say animes. Like fish is plural, but fishes can be many varieties of fish but not many of the same kind of fish because then, well that is just fish.”

“Shut it, Peanut — A good one. A good one for you will not call you mean names. She will understand you and she will actually like you. She will—she will touch your penis for real, Baekhyun. Touch it for real.”

“You mean she won’t try and rip it off right at the base like some fucking grizzly bear? 

You reached up the palm of your hand and lightly tapped his face. “That was your thigh, remember? I grabbed your thigh today.” 

“HMmmOkay, Bug-bear,” he laughed sardonically and looked down at you, lightly tapping your face with his palm once as you had done to him. 

It couldn’t be; the moment was too soft. It lasted for only a fraction of a second because he moved then and you felt that terrible falling sensation again. Swift and backwards you fell. You threw your arms out to catch something and when you gasped in surprise your mouth inhaled the warm cotton of your own sweater a breath before that same sweater was pulled up high over your head and all of the light you had in your room was snuffed out. It all happened so fast. The turtleneck of your sweater was pulled over your head during the scramble to right yourself in your chair and not fall flat on your back. You couldn’t do both at the same time. He was just too fast. 

He was laughing as he was escaping, you heard the door slam shut when his laughter grew further away and by the time you settled again, with both feet flat on the ground, you pulled the long neck of your turtleneck sweater back down so you could see and breathe. With the fabric gone the relief did not come, for once again you found yourself in the complete and utter darkness of your bedroom, with those super effective room darkening curtains on your windows that made for excellent daytime naps. Of course he had turned off all of the lights before he left. Even the ceiling fan was slowing down to a crawl. You could hear his loud cackles on the outside of your door as they moved further away and another door slammed when he retreated back into his hidey-hole. 

Maybe he deserved this lonely life.

Maybe he didn't deserve to ever have his penis touched for real. 

You sighed long and hard, sinking well into your disappointment. Being disappointed in that man was nothing new. He clearly hadn’t made any New Years resolutions about being less annoying in 2021. 

You had to get up to fix your bed anyway, so getting up to turn your lights back on was really just a blessing in disguise. You were done with work for the day. You had submitted everything required of you and one benefit of being so slow to actually complete anything was that you could get away with doing the bare minimum now. And when you really applied yourself you could get everything done in a fraction of the time and still have plenty of time to do all of the other things you wanted to do with your day. For all they knew, you really did only type 35 words per minute. It was their fault they kept on paying you for your terrible work. 

You grabbed at your blanket, uncovering everything, you pulled it all all off the bed and reached for the bedsheets and the pillows and every poor innocent stuffed animal who had the misfortune of being in bed with him when _it_ happened. Did he have it the whole time? Did he work up to it when he was texting with that hussie? He really rolled around a lot. These poor babies. A good ride in the washing machine would clear things right up. You would put in some extra soap. 

“Did that filthy man do something gross to you?” You whispered to the smallest pink bunny on your bed. It winked back at you and kept up the smile that was sewn on his face. At least he wasn’t upset. 

With the washing going you returned to your room and set to work on making a sign for your own private personal space. The sign was of a familiar format, a red circle with a diagonal line through it and a single terrible word written inside to be forever excluded from his place. 

You hung the sign outside of your door and closed it up tight, thus permanently protecting yourself and your freshly cleaned, new you, new year, new mind, body, and soul from any and all boners that might try and sneak in. 

It was official now. You had a sign and everything. 

A rare peace washed over you. You could hear through the wall the occasional dialogue of a show he was watching by himself. Nothing too loud or distracting and you remembered that you had a new episode of a drama to watch. 

You pulled it up on your screen and turned on the VPN that Baek taught you to use whenever you were watching something on a weird streaming website. You pressed play and found yourself quickly sucked into the storyline. This was working out to be one of your favorite dramas of the year, even though it was just beginning you could just feel it. The chemistry between the two leads was distractingly perfect. You found yourself feeling it all, each longing look, each casual (not casual at all) touch and the near misses, the blushing cheeks, the shy stolen glances. God. You needed two things; a man to kiss and a bowl of ramen. Not necessarily in that order. 

After this episode. Just after this episode you would get up. 

It ended on a cliffhanger. A deliciously sexy promise of things to come and you watched the preview for tomorrow’s episode with butterflies flipping around in your stomach. 

Your episode was over at nearly the same time as Baekhyun’s was over and you emerged with a wide smile on your face and a spring on your step as you made your way over to the kitchen as he was coming out of his bedroom. His hair was particularly disastrous today. It was probably the old sweat from earlier that had dried now. He was wearing the grey sweats again. The too-long ones with the holes in the bottom of the legs from where his heel dug in for too many years. You were pretty sure he had been wearing them all week. 

It was some sort of release day a few days ago and he had camped out online buying up some new product that was in high demand and nearly impossible to buy. You knew he ran bots to buy them up for someone, but you never saw any packages delivered here so you doubted he himself had any hand in actually scalping the game systems, or the graphics cards, or the latest hottest toy the kids just had to have for Christmas. Now that the rush was over he could get some real rest, couldn’t he? Maybe have a shower and change his clothes. Eat something other than those high sodium sausages he grazed on. 

“Hey Bug,” he sing-songed over to walk beside you through the large shared living space toward the kitchen. 

“Hey Peanut Butter & Jelly, you want to have some ramen with me? I’ll put in an egg for you.” 

He took a moment to respond to you and you followed his eyes to the sign on your door. When you looked back at him his eyes seemed to unfocus and he was staring ahead of himself lost in his own head. 

He felt your eyes quickly enough though and his own eyes pulled into happy little moons and he smiled a wide smile just for you with a nod of his head. 

This Baekhyun, you would make ramen for. This one, with the bright, pretty smile and pink cheeks would get two eggs if he wanted. “Soft yolks?” 

“Of course.” 

You set out to cooking and Baekhyun grabbed chopsticks and spoons and set them out on the table. When you came with the pot of noodles he looked up from his phone and you noticed the dark look in his eyes that disappeared suspiciously fast when he saw you watching him. 

He grabbed a huge clump of noodles, opened his mouth and shoved the chunk of food inside. Before you could warn him that the pot had been boiling on the stove mere seconds prior. 

You could see the steam fog up his glasses instantly and he sputtered and coughed, opening his mouth right over the pot and letting the scalding hot noodles fall back into the broth with a splash. The very same pot you also had to eat out of. 

“Careful. It’s hot.” Your monotone warned, much too late. He was reaching for cold water to cool his burning tongue. 

He looked up at you, nodding his head and wiping his mouth with a napkin. 

“Aren't you going to scold me for spitting them back into the pot?” He was carefully pulling out a smaller bit of noodles and leaning over the pot to blow on them. Looking quickly between you and the noodles for your response to his question. 

You just shrugged and grabbed some to blow on too. 

“It’s still hot enough to kill any of your gross mouth germs.” 

New year. New you. You’d resolved to finally make peace with the man. You’d put up with him for a couple of years now and while yes, he was the worst, he had some good to him too. Like how he genuinely seemed to care about your cyber security, and how he always ordered plenty of the coffee you liked so you never had to start a single morning without it. You didn't even know for sure where he got it from and how you might be able to get it without him. 

You also loved this place. It was huge and had a great view over the river. You knew for certain that he had managed to make a whole lot of money doing whatever legal or illegal things he did in that room and he really didn't ask you much for rent. Just whatever you could afford and to promise to always answer the door when his Grandmother came to visit. Especially if he was out on a job or busy. Her visits were with a guardian and were very regular; although the old woman’s mind was not. Most of the time she called you by a different name and nagged for you to take better care of your sweet husband. She was sweet though and always brought pastries with her. She called him her little baby boy and often used a name that was not his. He always responded with as bright a smile as he could manage, though you sometimes heard him crying quietly through the wall when she left. 

“Why are you just watching me eat?” He asked, not slowing down his pace with the noodles any, just genuinely curious about where your mind was. You knew if you didn't start eating now there would soon be nothing left. “Are you that mad that my spit got in it? Come on, Lil’Bug, eat. I brushed my teeth this morning.” 

You didn't answer him, but grabbed more food and began eating in earnest. 

“Any luck with Vixxxen18?” 

With this question he leaned back in his chair. Inhaling a deep breath with his cheeks full of noodles, his chopsticks were carefully set down on the table in front of him and he reached for his glass of water, chewing with his mouth open a few times before swallowing the whole huge ball of starch down with a wince. 

Was he done eating already? Didn't he want to talk about his lady problem with you? Maybe you could help. 

“No. But Raven25 just called me a creep and blocked me because I told her that Avatar the last Air-Bender wasn’t an anime.” 

“Why don't we make a dating profile for you. Check out some ladies and see how it goes? Girls that like the same things you like Baekhyun. I’m a girl, trust me, I can tell you what to say and what you should definitely not say like ‘damn, woman, you are so stupid; your precious avatar doesn’t count.’”

He had stopped eating the minute you began speaking on this topic and he watched your eyes for a long moment before he moved in his seat. 

“Well how did you know I said she was stupid?” 

“Well, because she was stupid and you can’t seem to hold yourself back.”

“Some people need to know it.”

“Not if you’re trying to date them, they don't.” 

The rapid back and forth between you paused when he closed up his mouth and looked around the table in front of himself in deep thought. 

When he finally looked back up at you his elbows were on the table and his chin was resting over his fisted hands. 

“Can I use a fake name? I wanna be The Cobra.” 

“No Peanut, no one is going to want to date The Cobra. You will be Byun Baekhyun, Computer Software Engineer by day, Pro Gamer by night. Let’s get you in the shower and gussied up so we can take profile pictures!” 

You could hardly contain yourself. You nearly stumbled over your own feet in your excitement to get up and out of this chair and the excitement that surged through you was making you giddy with anticipation. Baekhyun groaned when you pulled on his arms and he took sluggish steps when you pulled him roughly from the kitchen and pushed him through his bedroom toward the bathroom. You grabbed fresh underwear from his dresser, a pair of jeans without any holes in them that did not seem to be too filthy and a quick glance through his closet gave you a single black dress shirt that was still in the plastic from the dry cleaners. 

“Do you own a tie?” You called toward the open bathroom door.

“I’m not going to wear a tie,” he called back and you hung the dress shirt on the doorknob of the bathroom door and tossed the other items inside on the floor. 

“Okayyy,” you responded, “come out when you’re done and I’ll do your hair. How do you feel about just a little bit of makeup? Nothing crazy I promise but like, just something to accentuate your eyes a little. You won’t even notice it’s there.” 

“Why do it then?” He was in the shower now, you could hear the water running and splashing with his movement and the steam was beginning to fog up his mirror. From where you stood you couldn’t see a thing, but as you moved around his room the mess called to you and you began grabbing little things here and there, every other glance toward the bathroom mirror gave you some sort of foggy reflection of him in the shower that seemed vaguely human-colored. Socks and an occasional t-shirt dropped on the floor pulled you around the room. You definitely noticed that he did not say no to makeup and made a mental note to grab your beauty box from your room. 

“Hey uhh...Bug, you still there? Can you bring me some shampoo? I am out.” 

“Yeah,” you said with arms full of stray clothing from his floor and you made your way into your bedroom to grab supplies. 

When you returned, he seemed to just be waiting with an arm propped up against the wall of the shower and you could just make out the reflection of his bare shoulders in the foggy bathroom mirror. 

You cleared your throat to announce your presence and held the bottle of shampoo at arms length as you cautiously took a step into the bathroom. 

While your comfort level with Baekhyun was near family member levels, you’d had enough adventures with his dick today and you weren’t exactly seeking out any more shocks. 

He started cleaning his hair right away and you recognized the scent of your favorite shampoo that filled the air. It had a strong scent that lingered for a long time on your pillow after you showered. 

“Shh..tt” you heard him mumble something that sounded like a curse word. “Uhh Bu-Bug. Could you wait outside for me? Please? And could you close the door?”

“Why?” You wandered around his room looking at the impressive machinery set up he had. You noticed he’d installed more monitors on his wall above the desk set up and you wondered if that was for watching movies. “Do you have to poop?” 

You could not help the joking tone. He’d been torturing you with his annoying antics for years now and you had so little opportunities for payback. You snickered to yourself, contemplating his previous situation in your bedroom. “You didn't get another boner did you?” In your defense, you didn't say it very loud. He probably didn’t even hear it. 

He was silent in the bathroom with only the sound of splashing water as a response and after a minute or so, you heard a long drawn out sigh from somewhere inside the bathroom. It wasn’t a sound you expected to hear and it made you straighten up your shoulders and turn toward the noise. Perhaps you should have gone, as he had asked of you. As it was now you felt an embarrassed heat creeping up the back of your neck with the thought that maybe you were in here, hearing something you had no business hearing. 

“Are you going to help me with it, if I did?” 

His voice was so low and nearly drowned out by the sound of the running water, that you instantly doubted your own ears. You were imagining things. He was talking to himself, or he was saying something else, maybe singing the lyrics to a song. He always liked to sing in the shower and he had a wonderful singing voice. If he didn't use it to annoy you awake at 6 in the morning on the only days of the week that you could sleep in, you would appreciate the sound of it so much more. 

You took several large and silent steps toward his door and you crossed through the threshold in a single fluid motion. You didn't bother with closing his door for fear that he might hear the click and instead opted to creep into the sanctity of your own bedroom and close your own door as carefully and silently as possible. 

Instead of dwelling on things that absolutely did not happen, for several reasons such as they would never happen in this universe, and they had no business even pretending that they happened inside your foggy too far away to hear clearly anyway mind, instead of thinking about all of that nonsense…. and anyway why did it even matter? He was absolutely not someone whose boners even concerned you. Not their origin story or their flawed character arcs, their climaxes or their resolution. Instead of letting your mind get distracted and jumbled with all that bullshit, you turned on your computer and got started on building the perfect dating profile for the absolute perfect man. The in no way annoying; the charming even if you were wearing headphones— err, noise cancelling headphones, charming man; the could carry a tune up a mountain top man; the man with a full time, well paying job, several of them actually; a man with a home of his own, a fancy schmancy car of his own, a real and in no way fabricated man’s man, wait, a woman’s man. Yeah, that kind of man. 

It turns out, creating the perfect dating profile page wasn’t actually very different than filling out nine job applications. You breezed through it with bits of facts that you already knew about Baekhyun. You didn't even have to ask what his favorite movies or tv shows were. You had been tortured with them plenty to know the answers off the top of your head. You had all the good bones erected in there giving it a good solid structure and now all you needed was the perfect profile picture to seal the deal. 

As you were keying in the finishing notes, dotting the Is and crossing the Ts, your bedroom door swung open to reveal the man himself; fresh, clean and wearing something other than dirty grey sweat pants for the first time in longer than you could remember. 

“Alright let’s get on with this cause I’m already fucking sick of it.” He was pulling at the thighs on his jeans, trying to find any bit of stretch in them. They clung to the shape of his legs well and you wondered why he didn't embrace how nice his thighs actually looked in them. 

“Oh shush, let me make you beautiful.” You grabbed his arms and pulled him further into your room so you could see him properly below the ceiling lights. “Tuck in the front of your shirt.” 

He did as he was told and revealed a brown belt with a metal buckle that was just visible now. 

You grabbed your hair brush, pulled out a bit of your own hair that was stuck inside it and began fixing his wet hair. When it was obviously still too wet to do exactly what you wanted you opted to run your fingers lightly through it until some of the strands began to dry and lay flat. You added finishing touches with a bit of product and on a whim, just before it dried into place, you pushed up from his forehead, sending the hair up and back a bit. The effect was classy. Different. It fit his face very well.

His glasses were off for this and he was watching your face as you focused on making him presentable for his photo shoot. 

You’d grabbed a tiny brush to define his lashes just a touch and dabbed a touch of foundation in the less than perfect spots. The dark circles under his eyes faded and a neutral sweep across his cheekbones brought out the handsome face you often noticed in the off times when he was quietly thinking about something. 

“There,” you said with a tiny flourish of your blush brush. “Beautiful,” you proclaimed in self-praising glory. 

You were so close to his face that you felt the small puff of air that blew out from his nose with the small chuckle from his chest. Aside from the laugh, he didn't address your compliment. He just sat there, looking pretty with his button up shirt, the well fitted jeans, an actual hairstyle on his head that showed off clear skin and a lovely forehead and an attractive lean in his posture that angled his torso in the direction where you were seated. 

“Now what?” He said after you didn’t move on to the next step. The sound of his voice broke you out of your silent examination of his appearance and you jumped on the inside at the strange interruption, not quite sure as to why you felt interrupted, but feeling it nonetheless. 

“Now let’s find you a girlfriend.” You pushed a bright smile to your lips. It was supposed to cheer him on; make him really get into this. Make him believe in himself and his abilities to relate to women in real and meaningful ways. You pushed it hard and you sold it as well as you could expecting to see him smile in return. 

Instead, he watched your face long enough for your smile to falter a little and for some of the jolly skip to hop right out of your step. After two long and slow blinks he just nodded his head and looked down at his feet standing next to your feet on the floor of your bedroom. 

“Okay Bug, Let’s go find me a girlfriend.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Eventual Smut
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / enemies to lovers
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

What you didn't know — what you couldn’t have known was that it wasn’t real. The flush you felt in your skin was real. The sticky sweat that spread over your bed sheets when you tossed and turned was real. The heat of it; the perceptible and tactile fire that spread through your veins felt so physical and solid, you had no way of knowing that this wasn’t real. 

Slim fingers. 

Fleshy thighs. 

Hip bones beneath well worn denim. 

Buttons popping with the barest of effort. 

And the lips. Oh God, the softness of those lips as they traveled over your very hot skin. You could feel it all. 

You never saw his face; you hadn’t needed to. You could smell him everywhere. You knew who this was. You’d know him with your eyes blinded; you’d know him anywhere.

At first you turned away. At first you resisted, but as the fire spread through you, you found yourself turning into him, searching for him, seeking out that connection to fuel the heat.

Why was this happening? Why did you rejoice in it? The longing and the desire had simply become too much for you to deny and now you were the one pulling him into you. You were the one who wrapped your legs around that slim waist and constricted and those sounds from his chest they were...they were…

Those sounds from his mouth, they were—

Screaming.

Laughing.

_‘AH HA HA HA AH — YES!’_ Rough staccato laughter; so, so loud — so damn loud, it ripped and it tore at your mind and it yanked you up so roughly; up so fast you felt your entire body shaking if not completely falling apart with the speed at which you were pulled. 

You opened your eyes into pitch blackness. Your vision took only a second to adjust and you could make out the sliver of dim light from the street lamp outside that peeked through the very top of your curtains. 

On your nightstand, pale yellow squared numbers taunted you with 03:42 AM and covering your entire body where you laid on your once so welcoming bed was your bunched up and sweaty comforter. It was heavy. It was everywhere. You felt suffocated by it. Why was it so hard to breathe?

Your comforter. You purchased it because it was pretty. It fit in perfectly with your room decor and it was pale in color enough that the brightly colored stuffed animals you set atop stood out and complimented the subtle pattern. It made you feel at home. 

It used to make you feel at home. Now it was making you feel a very different sort of way. Hot and sweaty and flushed all over and now, very mad about all of it. 

You could still feel that shaking deep inside your chest and you laid your palm over your forehead to feel for a fever. You swear you could feel the tremble happening inside, though it was fading now, you were sure you still felt that shaking inside of your body. 

It was beginning to settle.

You felt another rumble, paired with a loud booming sound that vibrated and shook your wall. The glass of your window quaked and the pale yellow numbers on your nightstand danced in your vision. 

_‘HAHAHA! I got you asshole!’_

03:44 AM

Speakers. Surround sound. Heavy bass. An impressive system at any other time of the day when the sun was out. But right now? When you had been peacefully asleep; when you had been dreaming? Earth shattering booms. Deafening shouts of victory from the idiot with every new explosion that rattled your bones. 

You sat up and the comforter stuck to your sweaty skin. It wasn’t even hot in this room, yet this thing clung to you like it was coated in glue. Nearly four in the fucking morning. 

You had to work tomorrow. It was the one day a month when you were required to report to the office in person for the staff meeting. And here you were being ripped awake by such a disturbing commotion and goddammit this blanket was hot. 

This … _thing_. 

This thing that brought with it images of him and images of, oh god, images of his fingertips and his lips and his, oh god, oh no. No, please not that. Anything but that. Of all the things that were absolutely off limits. Of all the situations that could never happen. Horror. An overwhelming horror; it tasted of shame.

No, no, no, no. 

How could this have happened? How could those images be burning into the backs of your eyes? The more your overtired mind tried to make sense of it, the less sense this made. You looked down at the blanket, searching for answers. 

Had something about this blanket been ruined? 

Was it’s once comforting and innocent essence somehow completely changed on a molecular level and was it now….tainted forever? Because of him? Because of what he brought into your room and depravedly rubbed all over it? 

You pushed it away with both hands reaching you pushed and pushed until it sunk down off the foot of your bed and the cool air blew over your hot bare legs. Even the cool air did little to calm the irritation you felt all over your body. It did nothing to cool you off. Your legs were made of pure fire. 

He did this. You were sure of it. He brought this evil on you. And now with his room shaking howling laughter you were wide awake and angry at almost 4 am when you had work in the morning; you had to be worth a damn in the morning. 

You were up on angry legs with rage pushing you forward and you reached down for the blanket that you didn't even want in your room anymore for all it represented. You hauled it with both hands and took two steps forward toward your closed bedroom door when your forward progress took a quick and southward dive and you fell, tripped up by the wretched blanket when you stepped on a corner instead of on your soft rug. 

You could feel the burn on your kneecaps where you collided with the hard floor. You could feel a sting on your left knee that hit the hardest but burned into the carpet and you grunted through the pain to quickly lift yourself back up and gather every other bit of hanging blanket securely inside your arms. 

The trek through the living room at such an ungodly hour when every living breathing cell in your body would have rather been asleep felt absolutely crazed. You reached his door, turned the knob just enough for the latch to disengage and with your entire being hurled that motherfucker open and sent it flying. 

Oh and it flew. It hit the wall and bounced back hard, bouncing back quickly against your arms that held on securely to the blanket. The noise was shocking. It was a vindicating battle cry. 

The commotion startled him. His hands were on the keyboard and a pair of headphones atop of his head and for WHAT, you could hear every single thing happening on his screen in mind deafening stereo surround sound filling up the whole room. You could hear it clearly from your own room and from inside this room it sounded like you were living inside of the subwoofers themselves. 

Your rage was somehow louder and it made him spin toward the motion and sound of you at his doorway with a shriek of surprise. His eyes were saucers and his mouth flew open; an unchewed bite of some pink sausage fell out and bounced off his knee onto the floor below his sock covered feet and he was only screaming for a second before he was cursing. 

“Shit. Jesus. Fuck. Ohh my God, Fucking Hell, oh my heart. Oh it hurts. Oh Christ I’m dying.” He was clutching at his chest. His headphones, the useless things slipped off his head and toppled down his shoulder following the sausage chunk and you could see them fall all the way down to the floor. The cord, which had not been plugged in quickly followed and pooled into a puddle at his feet. 

“Do you have any idea ... what time it is?” Your voice sounded foreign to your ears. Had you always sounded so burly? You felt like an angry mountain lion ready to go in for the kill. 

His eyes were closed up tight and he inhaled a deep breath before cracking them open to look at you through the heavy panicked breaths. 

“Ohhh,” he moaned as his breathing calmed and the shock faded with each slow breath he took. “Ohhhhh,” he repeated softer, to himself. 

“Ohhh…” this time he was looking at you and his eyebrows furrowed together as he did it. “Oh—whoa, whoa, whoa, you look….super fucking crazy right now. What is happening?” 

His hands were up in confusion; in defense, and you were moving forward taking the stupid blanket and roughly shoving it toward him you hurled it right at his face and watched it hit as hard as a soft cottony blanket could manage to hit — it was more of a gentle nudge really, and then it fell down, taking his stupid glasses off his face and burrying them somewhere within the fluff where the blanket fell. 

He was too confused to catch it. He had absolutely no idea what he had done to defile and destroy the sacred sanctity of your sleep. 

He had no idea. 

“What are you doing with this? Why are you doing this? Why are you giving me your blanket? Where are your pants? Is your leg bleeding? Tell me what is happening!” 

“You!” You hurled a finger up and pointed it in his face. His eyes widened, crossed to look at the finger that clearly accused him of something just off the end of his nose and then looked back into your face in utter confusion. 

“You—“ you inhaled to survive and your mouth hung open as the words, the accusations you had for him, the truth of what he had done to you, what he really hadn’t done, but what you were certain you felt happening in your sleep, in that dream, those words they stopped entirely as you looked at his face. His very real face, the very real pink cheeks and confused eyes of your roommate Byun Baekhyun who had absolutely no idea that you had just been disturbed during and then disturbed by a vivid and confusing sex dream about him. 

Oh god. 

You couldn’t say that. 

You would rather be dead right here than say those words with your own mouth.

This had never happened before. He was a real person, you had never experienced a dream like that involving a real person. Not someone you knew like you knew Baekhyun. Not someone you lived with and had to keep on living with. The more you replayed the words that refused to come out of your mouth inside your head the more your sanity slowly returned to your mind. 

“Your headphones are not plugged in.” You shook your finger in his face. Using every bit of anger you had built up on the walk across the living room, every bit of uncomfortable sweaty stinging ick you felt all over your whole body about the whole thing and you shot those death lasers out of your eyeballs and you focused them right on his face, right there in the center of his stupid forehead. That’s where you put it. That’s where you glared and that’s where you wished every little bit of comeuppance that he had coming to him would land. Right there on that head. 

“Wha?” He said and his stupid pink lips frowned downward into a pout. Against your will, you watched them as they moved and then quickly focused your pointing anger back up onto the center of his forehead. It took a lot. 

He was looking down at his feet and reached through the big fluffy blanket that covered him from the waist down to the floor to find the headphones that had landed somewhere within it all.

He pulled them up and kept pulling, following the cord until he reached the end and he held the male end of his headphones with his fingertips as he looked down at them with a scoff and a small laugh. 

“Oh shit,” he chuckled to himself, “huh...would you look at that?” As if absolutely nothing at all mattered in the world and this was just a humorous little hiccup in his day. At 4 am on a work day. 

The audacity of the man. The absolute shameless audacity. 

“Would you look at that?!?” The volume of your own voice surprised you. You screamed it. Right at the top of your lungs and he jumped in his seat, closed his eyes up tight and clutched at his chest again with a pained wince on that face. Immediately after you’d done it you felt a pang inside. Was your anger really caused by being awoken? What were you really so damn mad about here? 

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered to himself when his eyes opened again. 

Then he directed them at you with his eyebrows furrowed and that glare right on your face.

“Jesus. Christ. Woman.” he half spoke again with his eyes on you and his face pointing directly at yours with each new word he spoke. You felt unjustly rebuked. The seriousness on his voice closed up your gaping mouth and you pulled your head back. Part of you wanted to grab his hair and pull it, demanding reparations and apologies and justice for his many 4 AM crimes against you. 

“I mean...Jesus. Christ.” His head nodded to emphasize just how ridiculous he was now finding your current outburst and you felt the heaviness deep inside your arms as you sagged on your feet and wanted to give up your fight against gravity. Part of you knew you were justified in your outrage. How could you be losing this fight so easily to him? Maybe...maybe you were just tired. 

“I’m just...so tired, Baek.” Your complaint came out as a sad little whine and your head fell back as you closed up your eyes. Suddenly feeling like you could drop right here at his feet and sleep curled up in your wretched comforter. 

He must have gotten up. You could feel his arms on your shoulders and you were steered somewhere within his room. Your legs didn’t feel like moving but there were some calming circles being rubbed on your back that felt too nice to resist. 

“I’ll turn it off, Bug. You can sleep, I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“I was sleeping so nicely.” You mumbled and you were in a bed that didn’t smell like you. “I was dreaming.” All at once the memory and that smell brought back a strange yet familiar feeling. 

“Was it a good dream?” His voice sounded far away. 

“Mhmm,” you hummed and you let yourself drift. You let yourself curl into the mattress that you were laid over and gave in to an unimaginable comfort that pulled you under too easily. 

If he had any more questions you did not know, but something called your sleepy mind back for one more word. Something asked perhaps. You couldn’t be sure what it was, only your single word response slipped from your lips. 

“You,” you told the questions, before disappearing entirely.

Your alarm clock was ringing. It was a sufferingly familiar sound that could rip you awake from the deepest sleeps. Today it sounded far away, but that tune was so ingrained into your mind that you immediately opened your eyes and stuck a hand out to look for your phone to stop it. 

Only your hand reached and found nothing. You moved further and bumped against something hard like a table that should not have been there. 

“Mmm,” a soft moan sounded out from somewhere below and when you finally opened your eyes and searched your ceiling, the layout was definitely different.

This was not your room. 

This was not your bed. 

“Don't you work today?” You followed the sound of his voice and found it coming from somewhere curled up on the floor beside the bed underneath your comforter. The one you’d abandoned last night. The memories flooded in an instant. 

“Yeah. I’m getting up. You can have your bed back, Peanut.” 

Peeling back his blankets for a quick escape you saw your own bare shins; knees; thighs; all the way up to your underwear. You’d fallen asleep with only a t-shirt on last night. But there was a new addition. You saw a flesh colored bandage stuck to your knee with a brown-red stain in the center of the gauze pad. You paused to look down at it, a thousand conflicting inclinations running through you in a single breath and not a spare minute to dwell on any of them because your alarm was still ringing and Baekhyun had turned over and peeked his face out from under your blanket.

You could not explain the urgency to leave. You freely loitered near him and around him constantly without even a second thought. 

Although you had never done it in such a state of undress. This could have explained the rush. How much would he see of you? How many flaws could he make out with his sleepy eyes. How long had it taken him to apply the bandage last night? Did he use his bare fingertips to softly dab ointment on your wound or did he merely slap on a bandaid with a rough palm. He wouldn't have lightly blown on it to dry the medicine would he? 

Something was wrong with you. 

These were not important questions for you to be asking. You needed to get out of his room before he saw any more. Perhaps the dream had done much more damage than you had feared. 

You could have stepped down off the bed beside where he laid. It would have only required an extra step to get over him. Instead you climbed down to the foot of his bed and without a look back you were out of his room under the compulsion of the ringing alarm and you surrendered willingly. 

Back inside your room you could breathe freely and deeply. You could indulge in your routine of getting ready for the day and you took your time to get your hair and your makeup looking nice. It was cold out so you opened for the thick winter leggings to get you through the commute without freezing to death and you were out of your door just in time to stop for a morning coffee. 

The day dragged. You were probably just out of practice, having worked from home for so long that having to make an active attempt to look busy enough to justify your paycheck with so many witnesses in the office had you feeling burnt out by lunch time. 

You went for a walk to avoid awkward small talk with your co-workers even though it meant you didn't have enough time to actually eat any real food before your break was over. Still it was preferable to the alternative. Namely the meddling old women who, every time they saw you had some new neighbor’s friend’s son, or some doctor’s nephew they just had to set you up with. 

So what if you were single. So what if you were too young and too pretty to be alone. There wasn’t some invisible timer counting down to your swift and imminent demise just because you didn't have a boyfriend. You were pretty sure that timer was running for everyone despite the relationship status on their facebook profile. And you did not mention your facebook profile to Baekhyun because he would probably flip out, hack into your computer and delete the whole thing. The dramatic man. How else were you supposed to see what a mess your high school friend’s lives were shaping up to be. 

When it was finally time to go home for the day you were more exhausted than you thought was normal for someone still walking around on her own two legs. You were the angry sort of hungry that made you annoyed with every single sound you heard on the subway and not even your headphones in your ears playing your favorite songs eased your anxiety. 

You glared at the woman across the aisle with the unruly kids who refused to wear their masks right. You glared at the old man with his nose sticking out of the top of his and you tightened your own mask to your face and took a step back and away from the group of youths that eyed you up and down as they moved through the doors. 

You’d never before been so happy to open the door to your apartment and be greeted by the pleasant hum of a refrigerator that you knew had to have at least one tasty thing you could snack on to take the edge off of your mood. 

Inside was bright. It was cleaned recently — You’re welcome — It was sparkling and gleaming and well organized and it was full of a multitude of raw ingredients that could be chopped and sliced and diced and cooked up to make a wonderfully healthy and fulfilling meal for whoever had the energy and ambition to embark on such a feat. 

You peered inside at the bottles of water in the door. The sticks of butter and the bottles of sauce mocked you. You were pretty sure raw eggs cracked into your open mouth would give you some sort of infection that would require you to leave the house again this month so you opened the drawer where you were sure you saw a cheese stick hiding inside last night. 

There it was. 

It was white and bouncy. It was salty and individually wrapped and it was calling your name in sweet a cheesy joyous chorus of promised deliciousness. 

It was yours. 

It’s most amazing feature wasn’t the chewiness or the cold chill it had from sitting for weeks in a refrigerator. No, the best thing, and you mean the absolute very best thing about this single plastic wrapped cheese stick was that it existed. 

Exactly when you needed it most. 

Feet shuffled behind you. Baekhyun would be waking up from whatever napping schedule he’d accidentally tricked his body clock into adopting and he would be stumbling into the kitchen for a drink of water. 

You unwrapped the cheese stick and stuck the end between your lips. Instantly rewarded by the soft way it gave when you bit down. You took the tiniest bite and you chewed carefully and thoughtfully. Perhaps your eyes rolled back and closed and perhaps you might have even experienced something akin to out of body experience of pure pleasure as you chewed, swallowed, and opened your mouth again for another bite. A real one this time. 

What you hadn’t anticipated, was the cruelty of the universe that had allowed you to live this many years on Earth only to end up here in this exact moment with this man whose home you also lived in. You hadn’t expected the crushing reality of watching that man sleepily stumble into you with his eyes half closed and open his big mouth as wide as it would go and sink that mouth down directly onto the entire exposed part of your cheese stick, of which maybe 85% had been exposed, and chomp down ruthlessly with nearly the entire thing vanishing away before your eyes. 

You watched him chewing noisily with his mouth open and bits of white cheese bumbled around inside before he let out a noisy laugh complete with a snort that sent bits of cheese flying across your once clean kitchen. 

“Haha,” he said as he swallowed, “your face.” 

He was laughing at you. 

He ate your cheese; well, most of your cheese. He was laughing now, harder. The longer you stood staring at him in absolute shock at what he had just done the harder he laughed and you could feel the countdown happening inside of your chest. A number for each heart beat that seemed to be speeding up toward his death. 

He had no idea. He never ever did. 

This man was so close to death and he was giggling now and reaching for the big bottle of orange juice that sat inside the fridge. 

He lifted it up to his lips and drank from the bottle, not even bothering with a glass. He drained half of its contents and when he pulled the bottle down, some things, tiny and white - mini specks of your cheese floated around inside the orange liquid. 

You saw bright white nothingness. 

You would like to go on the record now, and plead insanity. 

In your mind's eye, everything was just all white.

Like the afterlife in movies. Except far less peaceful but equally unexplainable.

Violence may not be the answer. But you really had very little memory of this. 

You had flashes of it. His deafening screams and your hand reaching into a bag of cheese puffs for handfuls that you shoved into his gaping mouth. You don’t even know where you got them from. They just appeared suddenly and they crushed so easily into soft powder as you pressed them between his teeth. The powder coated the surface of his skin around his mouth. It flew in the air too as he screamed. You were covered in it. Your hands were stained bright orange. The color of your wicked crimes. 

The whiteness returned. Then more flashes of your crimes. Your mind touched on images of the sticky drops of orange juice that fell one by one from his hair that laid completely flat, lacquered to the top of his head. Then, his cries of pain with your knees dug into his chest and both of your bright orange hands squeezed tightly around his neck. The coughing when you pressed down harder in the middle of his neck and the eventual sensation of him fighting back. The urge to live must be strong in him. Why did he resist this so much? Just die already. Why fight the inevitable? If not done by you, surely some other person would do it. 

When you came to, you were inside of your bedroom packing a bag full of clothes and stuffed animals. You felt that this was probably your get-away bag, and that meant he was probably dead. 

Drowned in two ounces of backwash filled orange juice and lungs stuffed with brightly colored cheese _flavored_ * puffs (*contains no real cheese.) 

You had a list happening inside of your head. Things you had to do before you left this place forever and never returned. A strange calm had washed over you; probably brought on by shock. 

First, you had to pack this bag. You had stuffed it full of overcoats. Your winter coat with the pink polka dots. The fluffy yellow puffer jacket you got as a gift from your best friend. Your rain jacket in case it got wet in hell. Second, you would go into his room and clear his search history. It was something you had always promised you would do for him and he had promised to do the same for you. After that, you would call the police from a pay phone on the corner of the block to anonymously report the crime.

Your bag was full. Too full to fit the brightly colored pink bunny even though it was a tiny thing. You pushed and shoved, squeezing it in between the layers of coats until you were sure the seam of your bag was about to pop if you tried to zip it closed. 

You still had your toiletries to pack. This would never do. How could you pack a get-away bag without your favorite shampoo.

A flood of memories came to you. Your favorite shampoo and handing the bottle with your eyes covered to Baekhyun as he showered. All at once, that steady and all consuming calm wavered and you felt the first hot tears building. Stinging and burning as they crested and spilled over your lashes onto your cheeks. 

Your lips were stuck in a deep frown and you did your best to inhale through a stuffed up nose. 

“My poor Peanut,” you said into the hollow empty space of your lonely bedroom. You’d have to venture into his bathroom to get your shampoo. Possibly walking past his lifeless corpse which you were pretty sure you left somewhere in between the kitchen and the living room. 

A maniac. You were a heartless monster. The remorse you now felt, which could very well help you in court, coated you from head to toe and you cried openly when you pulled your bedroom door open and took your first step out of your room. 

Shampoo and search history. These things were your destination. 

But a sound coming from somewhere deep in the kitchen threw off your steps and you felt the hairs on the back of your neck rise with the unexpectedness of it. 

More than just a sound, you could smell something too. Was that sizzling? Had you accidentally turned the stove on and now your whole apartment was on fire? Was this how you could get rid of the body? 

No. You had to get a grip now. That was going too far. You could understand homicide but desecration of a corpse? Ick. That kinda shit was for sickos.

You focused your energy on your destination and took three big steps to cross the living room and placed a hand on the door knob of his room. 

The knob clicked noisily when you turned it too quickly and you heard a shuffle coming from the kitchen. A shuffle and then a scrape and you turned at the sound.

“Hey Bug, food’s ready. Come eat. I made your favorite.” 

You froze on your feet with your eyes wide open, nose too stuffy to breathe so your mouth hung wide open as well. With tears streaming down your face, made fresh again by the sight of him standing in the kitchen with a white towel draped around his neck, clean wet hair, and a frying pan and spatula in his hand, you gasped. 

You had never been quite so relieved to see the sight of your stupid roommate. Overcome, you dropped the bag you carried at your feet and rushed to where he stood with arms raised and the dish he had just finished cooking elevated and you reached for his body with your arms outstretched. When you felt his warmth you wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him in for a tight hug. 

“Uhh,” he said softly, flinching upon contact and freezing up but first lifting the hot pan high enough to remove any danger of burning you with it. “Why are you crying?”

You squeezed tighter and buried your face in his chest. You’d get his shirt wet with tears and with snot but you didn't care. He was okay. Your overwhelming guilt for your behavior towards him was so thick you had a hard time not sobbing harder when you felt the awkward steps he took to set the hot pan down and free his hands and then that first warmth of the palm of his hand that landed on your back. 

When the other hand joined and slipped around your shoulder a quiet cry got caught up inside the back of your throat and you heard a warning sound somewhere. Because the warning did not exist in this realm of reality he did not hear it and another step into you brought his arms tighter around your shoulders and when you felt those hands move gently over your back the warning sound blared up hot and terrifying.

You and him did not do this. This was not something you had ever done with Baekhyun. Sure, light touches sometimes. Plenty, even. Hell, you playfully smacked him for something new and annoying every single day. You weren’t exactly scared of him, but you had never hugged him before and you sure as fuck didn't ever hold him. 

“Bug?” His voice was calling you. You had an inkling that it might have been the second or third time and you pulled back from him. His hands released you the second he felt your retreat and you looked at the spot where you’d mashed your whole face into his shirt wincing at all the face shaped wet spots you saw there. 

He didn't seem bothered by it and you inhaled a deep trembling breath with a meaningless nod of your head at him. Whatever had happened didn’t matter. Everything was fine. Everything was over and it was okay. He was okay too. 

He offered a small smile and turned to get two bowls to fill with the food he had made. 

It was fried rice. Simple, no frills fried rice with a fried egg on top and just enough spice to make it interesting but not enough to activate any more water works. It was his favorite and you were pretty sure he didn't actually know how to make any other dishes. But hadn’t he just said he made your favorite?

“Baek, This isn’t my favorite. This is your favorite.”

He placed a bowl in front of where you sat and he lifted a quizzical eyebrow with a small tick of his head. 

“No, it’s not my favorite. It’s your favorite. You make it all the time. And that’s why I made it now. Because it's your favorite.” 

As he spoke, he pointed back and forth between you and the bowl of rice with his spoon. As if he was teaching a class on something you obviously didn’t know the first thing about. 

“But I only make it all the time because it's your favorite, Peanut.”

You picked up your spoon and mixed the egg into the rice and began eating quickly out of necessity. You were about to pass out from hunger at this point. 

He was watching you eat with that confused look on his face and he hadn’t touched his rice yet. 

“Well whose favorite is it then?” 

You shrugged and swallowed another bite. You were half finished with your bowl already and Baekhyun looked down and scooped up the egg from the top of his own rice with his spoon, leaning forward to plop it down on top of your remaining rice. 

“Please tell me you at least like eggs on top.” 

“Doesn’t everybody?” You remarked flippantly and you mixed again, feeling so much more human now that you had some real food in your stomach. 

He was leaning back in his chair, fingertips over his face as he lightly massaged at the space between his eyebrows and you giggled to yourself with a mouth full of rice. 

“I thought I killed you, Baekhyun.” 

You heard him snort out a laugh and he quickly covered his mouth with both of his hands before he spat out all over the table. You yourself had to cover your mouth to keep your rice in and you laughed in a painful stifled way to keep from choking on the food in your mouth. 

“You made me eat so many fucking cheese puffs I’m not even hungry right now.” He wheezed through his words and you saw him wiping at his eyes while you forced yourself to swallow before rice flew out of your nose. 

He was holding his stomach as he laughed and the tight pained wince on his face only made you laugh harder. 

You had eaten all you could and Baekhyun abandoned his food before he even started due to a certain cheese puff armed psychopath.

You’d stood to clear away the plates when you heard the hum of his phone vibrating on the table. You’d made your way into the kitchen when his voice piped up from where he was seated at the table staring down at whatever he had just received on his phone. 

“Hey, uhh...h-how should I respond to this girl?”

“Girl? Baekhyun are you chatting with someone?” You perked up, instantly way more interested in what was happening on his phone than washing these dishes and you quickly rounded the corner back into the dining room to find out more. 

“Oh wait, nevermind, I think...I don’t think she’s serious.” His voice weakened when his phone vibrated again and you’d reached a spot where you could clearly see the messages he had just received. 

From Vixxxen18 again. You rolled your eyes hard enough for them to ache just seeing that familiar screen name. 

“Ugh, this bitch again,” you said in a disgusted voice and you saw the flinch in his shoulders. He darkened a shade and you quickly grabbed the phone to steady it so you could clearly see what she wanted this time. 

_‘Hey honey, DTF tonight?’_

You read the message out loud and he held his hands over his face and squirmed in his seat. 

“Peanut do you know what DTF means?”

“Yes. I know what it means.” He interrupted you before you could get the whole sentence out. His ears were pink. You heard the clench of his jaw muffle his words as he spoke.

Her next message you didn’t read out-loud. 

_‘Spot me 50 for gas and I’ll come over’_

“Gas doesn’t cost fifty dollars,” you scowled under your breath and your fingers were typing before you had a chance to second think. 

_‘Shouldn’t we get to know each other a little bit first?’_

Her response came quickly and made your blood boil. 

_‘What makes you think I want to know you’_

“Oh I’m going to kick her ass,” you said right before the phone was plucked out of your hands so fast you still moved your thumbs as you typed in the air, ready to give this bitch a piece of your mind. 

“Settle down, Cheese Puffs, she's actually not that bad most of the time,” he said and he was closing out the messaging program quickly before you could say anything else to literally the worst human being you’d ever had a two second conversation with. 

Your breathing was heavy and you must have had a look in your eyes that made him uncomfortable because he was reaching down to grab your hand and he tugged lightly toward the living room sofa. He was swiping with his other hand on his phone again.

“Here, I have some matches on the dating profile you made me. Why don't we have a look through them and find someone who’s ass you don't want to kick.” 

He plopped down with a huff and you quickly sat down beside him, leaning well against his arm so you could see his screen clearly. 

“God, you’re so _mean_ today. What’s gotten into you? Ever since you woke up from that dream last night you’ve been ready to kill anyone who moves.” 

You’d taken over the scrolling and found yourself lost in the freedom of judging the girls on his phone screen as he mused about what a grump you were. 

Boring. Bland. Brainless. Vapid. Ugh. 

As you flipped through them you not so quietly voiced how much you hated every one of them. Sure, for someone they could have been perfect but for him, they were not. His complaints about you went silent and as he watched the scrolling. 

At last you found someone who seemed to fit some sort of idealized image you had of the perfect girl for him and you stopped scrolling instantly with a quiet gasp. He wasn’t saying anything about her though and you looked up excitedly at his face expecting him to be reading the profile she had carefully written, or looking through the pictures you oh so slowly scrolled past but instead of looking down at the phone his eyes were just watching you.

It was an odd and calm observation of only your face. And when you grabbed ahold of his eyes with your searching ones you raised your eyebrows and tilted your head down, pointing with the angle of your face at his phone screen so he could see her, so he could see Mia who lived only 5 miles away from him and had seen all of the animes that he liked and played the same kinds of computer games he played and was honest to god, cute as a damn button. Perfect! You wanted to squeal. 

“Peanut,” you whispered and his eyes widened and his eyebrows danced on his face as he finally, finally looked down in his lap where the phone sat. 

But the screen was now black. It had timed out. You clicked on a button on the side and it prompted him to log in again and what was wrong with him? Why wasn’t he unlocking it already? You grabbed his hand and his eyes glanced down where you touched his fingertips, carefully tracing with his index finger over the pattern he used to unlock his phone and it came back to life — the smiling, lovely image of Mia who lived only 5 miles away and was just absolutely perfect. 

“Bug,” He said softly as he looked down at his phone screen and your smile was naturally wide as he watched each image fly across his screen. The anticipation of his reaction was killing you. He had to be as excited about this as you were. He at least seemed to be paying attention to the pictures this time. 

But he wasn't squealing or even smiling about her. The silence on his side got you talking again. A quick nervous sort of talking to fill up the quiet. “She’s cute. And she's nice, I can feel it. And she's perfect for you. Let’s message her.” 

You lifted a finger to your chin and thrust your eyes into the air to think. You thought back to some of the opening lines you’d been fed by the men you dated and you opened the window to send a message to Mia from Baekhyun. 

“Bug,” he said again, even quieter than he had called before and it stood out to you that he had been trying for a while to get your attention now and you were so distracted with how much fun this was that you hadn’t really acknowledged him. You were being presumptuous. Just because you liked her didn’t necessarily mean he did. It even occurred to you that maybe you were being downright rude. 

So you looked at him. Lifted your eyebrows up and rested the phone back down on his knee cap so he would say what he wanted to say already. You braced for the rejection of the cutest girl in his list of matches. 

But instead of speaking he just looked at you and you slowly began to hear the actual ticking of the clock on the wall across the room from where you both sat. After much too long his eyes fell to look down the phone in your hand and you heard the smallest, softest scoff from his chest and he closed his eyes once with a long sigh.

And then he was nodding his head with his eyes closed up tight. “Yeah. Yeah, go ahead, send her a message. If you say she’s perfect, then she’s perfect.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Eventual Smut
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / enemies to lovers / bug gets meta
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)  
> 

Mia.

Mia, Mia, Mia. 

Oh she was lovely. You’d been chatting with her on Baekhyun’s phone for the better part of an hour and for a moment you forgot all about the man who now laid with his head on the other end of the sofa with his feet stretched over your lap and a phone held up to his face.

He was scrolling through something, giggling and typing. 

The phone you had down in your lap vibrated with another incoming message. 

Laughing emojis, a row of them. She was sharp. Wit and charm came through in her messages and you found yourself responding with an equally long string of laughing faces. The ones with tears leaking out their eyes. She felt so damn familiar and comfortable the moment you got past the awkward introductions and you really started talking to her; the jokes were easy and the topics were something you knew enough about to fake your way though thanks to Baekhyun’s many passions and his absolute inability to shut up about them. He’d held you hostage with so many video games and anime episodes, you knew exactly what she was talking about now. You felt like a complete pseudo pro. A well-read scammer. A faker but a weirdly genuine one. 

You went back to her profile and dragged each of her pictures across the screen with the tip of your finger, switching between them all. She was pretty. She was smart. She was interesting to talk to. She was perfect. Just perfect. A steady warmth had seeped into your chest as you looked at her. It was welcome and actually felt nice at first; if not a little bit unexpected. But the longer you looked at her smile, the more intrusive that warmth felt. After too long, it was sticky and almost too warm. You struggled to breathe deeply. You were breathing normally, there was absolute nothing off about your breathing, but each breath you took suddenly failed to satiate. Why were your lungs suddenly missing oxygen? They were misbehaving without any reason to. You closed out her pictures and returned to the chat window. 

She was asking about the latest episode of an anime. Something that was in its final season. Something you were sure Baekhyun would also be watching soon if he hadn’t seen it already. You could feel her excitement in her words. Something epic must have happened.

“Baek did you watch Attack on Colossatron last night — the latest episode?”

“Not yet—no spoilers, I’ll kill you.” His response was quick and you responded in a similar fashion in text to Mia; without the death threats. You weren’t quite that comfortable with her yet. 

Baekhyun shifted and moved a foot behind you, digging it under your butt into the gap of the couch cushion. You ignored the intrusion because you were talking to Mia. His soon to be brand new girlfriend by the looks of the conversation. You caught what you were certain was subtle flirting just below the contexts. Then outright flirting. She was sending you a picture from the dating profile you’d set up for Baekhyun. She had to have saved the picture to send it. It would now be saved on the camera roll of her phone where she would likely look at it again and again, admiring how good Baekhyun looked in it. 

She was commenting on how unexpectedly handsome you were and how most of the men who shared interests with her did not look like you. 

She was asking for a picture of you—err, of Baekhyun. She was having trouble believing such an attractive man like you was real and she actually used the word _catfishing_ , careful to insist that she wasn't accusing you of anything; just that she was sure you looked just like some celebrity she saw on twitter and one couldn’t be too careful. 

But you were quick to cooperate and to agree with her need for assuredness. As a woman, yourself, you understood her suspicions instantly. Yes, Baekhyun did look shockingly attractive in the profile pictures you posted of him. You could see how someone might doubt that he was real and he lived only 5 miles away and was now sweeping her off her feet with his engaging conversations and hilarious jokes. You’d be sure and make him thank you well for this later. 

The pictures of him were surprising, even to you, and you lived with the guy. You saw him every single day. Yet something about seeing him in these pictures, dressed in that black button up shirt and jeans and looking at the camera with a breathtaking natural smile; one he gave you so easily that night when you told him just how good he looked all dressed up. 

“Peanut, look at you! You look so fancy.” 

“Wow, I cant believe how handsome you are.” 

It only took a couple of sincere compliments for the man to unfold before you and the results on camera pulled you into an uncomfortable and unwelcome thoughtfulness when you looked at them alone later. Of course you knew he was handsome. You just hadn’t been prepared for how very attractive he would look on camera. 

You got all his best angles and the man had taken you off guard when you’d bravely asked him to give you a sexy look. 

It happened just at the end of your little makeshift photo-shoot. You were both a little tired, you could tell with the way he slowed down with his talking and his movements. You could always tell when Baekhyun was tired. Sometimes before even he knew it. 

The sun had gone down and you’d pulled him from your room into the living room where the lights from the city shone through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, creating a soft glow on his face. The moon was full outside. It was a chilly winter night and snowflakes drifted down to the street below. You were feeling perhaps a bit romantic. Perhaps you were a little bit grateful to be inside and warm and spending your time capturing the pretty face of your annoying best friend. 

You’d gotten a bit bold with the pictures and he’d been behaving so well, not even complaining when you asked him to lay down on the floor so you could capture the beautiful city-scape in the background of the shot. He’d gone still while you set up; moving furniture and turning on a lamp in the corner for more lighting on his features — you wondered briefly if maybe he had fallen asleep. 

You laid down beside him holding your camera up in the right spot to get something nice. His eyes had closed up and his breathing was even and slow and when you’d softly called his name with your camera acting as a barrier in between your faces, you’d expected it to act as more of a buffer than it did. 

“Baekhyun?”

When he heard you call him, his eyes opened and he turned his head toward the sound of your voice; the shift in his eyes was stark and breathtaking and he blinked them closed and then very slowly he opened his eyes again for you. 

“Hmm?” His lips stayed closed when he hummed a response.

What exactly were you going for here? The mood was set. The lighting and the scenery were in place. Hell, even the position of him was set —him laying beside you on the floor in the middle of the night like this when everyone knew it was much too late to be entertaining any of this nonsense. The longer you looked at him the more shades of pink you saw in his cheeks. The pinkness matched his lips and the lighting made every bit of warm flush on his face tell such a romantic story. He looked so very warm and inviting. 

You took a shot and you said it. If the picture came out well, that would be rewarding enough. 

But, you didn't actually expect a real sexy look. Not really. You’d expected something silly, or something goofy or something with an awkward smile. Maybe it was the nighttime, or the way he unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and just let it hang open with the clear smoothness of his chest visible, but when he pulled his chin down and ran a hand through his styled hair, bringing it down just a little bit; giving it a messy and tousled look, you had to grip the camera tighter to keep from doing something dumb like accidentally dropping it. You could not understand the flash of nervousness you felt run through you. 

He lifted a single eyebrow. You had called him and it was clear from the inactivity in the camera that you weren’t taking any pictures of him. 

“Hmm?” He repeated the hum that came from the back of his throat. His eyebrow danced and it was the only movement on his face.

You inhaled a breath and you did it.

“You look incredibly sexy right now.” 

Despite the camera, despite the props you’d placed around him just so, his eyes seemed to seek out yours with purpose; one hand on the floor was within touching distance and the other hand rested over his forehead from when he’d ran it through his hair, the tips of his fingers landed over one of his eyes and it was so perfect. You felt goosebumps all over your skin. 

The moment his eyes locked into yours you gripped the camera as if your life depended on it. When his lips slowly parted with a gentle exhale and the tip of his tongue appeared between his parted lips and slowly touched against the corner of his bottom lip a surge of heat rose up the back of your throat. 

“I do?” He said with his eyes on yours as if he was looking directly at you; as if the camera did not even exist. 

You hit the button and you heard the shutter click. 

You allowed yourself a moment to look at the picture Mia had sent you. Only a moment though because she was talking again. She was instructing you to send a new picture right now, with your left hand holding your right earlobe. It was the kind of specific sort of picture that would prove that you really did exist. 

“Peanut,” you reached down and tapped his leg three times quickly, “Peanut, our new girlfriend wants a picture of you right now with your,” you held up your hands in front of your face, figuring out which was the left one, “left hand holding your right earlobe.” You held up your left hand for him to see and he pulled the phone down from his face to look at you. After a second his opposite hand was raised and he gripped his earlobe with his fingertips. 

“Is that your left hand?” You raised your left hand higher and lifted your eyebrows as you shook your head once. You felt a sense of urgency in getting this picture to Mia as fast as possible to calm her doubts. 

“It’s my left. My left is your right, stupid. Why do I have to do this?” 

You snapped the picture close enough that it would look like a selfie and sent the image to Mia. She was satisfied enough to send an emoji with heart eyes and you could feel victory at your fingertips. You could hardly believe this was working. 

“She thought you weren’t real.” You said in between messages and Baekhyun’s leg was shaking behind your back. He’d been sitting still for too long here and the nervous energy was building, you could feel it trying to escape from his limbs. He probably needed to go for a run or something or you were in for a long and noisy night of singing or dancing or whatever other shenanigans he thought you needed to suffer though. He hummed a non-response to your answer, clearly so distracted by what was happening on his screen that he couldn’t be bothered to give you any more of his attention right now. 

Baekhyun was not so quietly giggling under his breath and you looked up caught by that very particular sound of it. Something felt familiar in the sound of that giggle; more, the intentions behind it. The particular sneakiness of it maybe made you look up and it took you another second of listening to the way he stifled himself, tried to control the sounds of his laughter before a realization dawned and recognition struck you on the head. 

Baekhyun couldn’t have been giggling, laughing, texting, having a grand ol’ time on his phone because you had his phone in your hands. You had been talking to Mia for a whole damn hour, who in the hell was Baekhyun talking to and was that your phone he was using? 

“Baekhyun who are you talking to on my phone?”

His stomach bounced with stifled laugher below his shirt and he was typing again. His eyes secured on the screen of your phone and not at all looking at you. 

“Baek, who is that. What are you doing?” It wasn’t that you didn't trust him with your private conversations. He knew more about you than probably any other human being on the planet. It wasn't the problem with him knowing it. The problem was with that laughter. The problem was with what Byun Baekhyun might do with all of the things he knew about you and with whoever the hell had the misfortune of texting you at the exact moment when he had your phone.

“Ben,” Baekhyun said after a long pause and you searched through your recent memory for a person who had that name. You’d matched with some guys last week but you were certain there was no one with that name. 

“Ben? Who the hell is Ben? I don't know a _Ben_ ” You were leaning now and Baekhyun bent his legs up as soon as you moved, blocking your lean with his knobby knees. You leaned on the other side of them and he moved them to block again. 

The maneuver brought out the panic in you. He was blocking you from your own phone. He was up to something and he was now blocking you from reaching for your phone and you had just nearly murdered him in the kitchen over cheese, did he really want to do this again? 

“Give me my phone. Baek, who the shit is Ben?”

“I don't know. Some guy named Ben. Said he was some lady’s nephew or cousin or something. He knew your number and he knew your name, and wow he is—”

Oh god. Your co-worker Susie had done it. The son-of-a-bitch had actually given your phone number out this time even though you had successfully, you’d thought, dodged their high pressure tactics to set you up with some eligible bachelor who would probably be 10 years too old for you, balding, with bad teeth, or bad habits, or would be obsessed with his car or his muscles or some sports team and you’d have to make nice small talk with someone who’s interests, frankly, bored you to death until you could politely let the man down. 

And now, what was Baekhyun telling him? What kinds of horrific lies was this little gremlin giggling about over there. You tilted and reached for him again and he moved his knees again. 

“Bug, how- how do you spell hemorrhoids? Hem—hem—er—roids, no that’s not right. Let me look it up. It’s important that I represent you well. A strong, intelligent woman who can talk about her hemorrhoids.” 

You leaped then, over the stupid knees you flew and you landed hard — seated across his belly and the pained grunt he let out was satisfying to hear. He doubled up in pain while simultaneously shoving your phone underneath himself into the softness of the couch cushions and you watched it disappear somewhere below his butt where he assumed you would not dare to reach. 

“Baekhyun,” you said in as calm a voice as you could pry from your lips. Your teeth gritted together as you spoke and much of the sweetness was lost in the delivery.

Your hands were feeling the softness of the cushions that he laid on. You followed an arm that went down and disappeared behind his back and your fingers traveled to the end where you felt no phone at all, only his empty hand that you pulled up. You did the same on the other side, moving to the other hand and bringing it back empty too. On his face he wore a smug, self-satisfied smile. 

“Peanut,” your next attempt at a compromise pulled his name out in a sweeter tone and his lips turned up into a mischievous grin with teeth bared and all. To your own ears though, you really laid it on thick. This was your darling Peanut. You let your whine come through and you pulled your lips into a pouty frown.

“Bug,” he said, mimicking your overly saccharine tone with a tiny lift of an eyebrow on his face and a fake frown that didn’t touch the rabid joy in his eyes.

“Give me back my phone,” you said and your hands dug into his ribs hard as he reached for your wrists and quickly grabbed to hold you still with both of his free hands before you could do any actual damage to him. 

You struggled against his strong hands, reaching with out-stretched fingers despite his hold on you for a few more tickles before he tightened the grip and you could not connect any more attacks. 

“Give me back my phone,” he giggled back, again mocking your ineffective attempts to overpower him. You simply couldn’t do it. He was much stronger than you were. 

The childishness of this brat! You closed your eyes up tight as you forced yourself to take a deep calming breath. You could feel close to the edge again. Close to losing control. How many murder attempts did you need to commit today? Maybe you needed to enroll in anger management classes. You tried to count to ten again but gave up halfway through to threaten him again. 

“I’m going to get mad, give me my phone.” The friendly tone you had forced was gone and you could hear the actual anger in your voice now. Any reasonable person would concede. Any normal human adult would laugh it off playfully, say _‘okay, okay, I was only kidding’_ and hand the thing over. A normal person would even apologize for taking it in the first place. 

Baekhyun was not a normal person.

“Ohhh, I’m going to get mad,” you heard him say in that same mocking voice and no amount of calming breaths could touch it. You could count to ten thousand and still want to destroy him. You squirmed all over and pulled at your wrists that he held in his grip and his hold tightened the more you moved until you could only lean, you could only fight back with one thing. The more you fought him, the tighter his muscles constricted and it became evident that you simply could not win this way. Your hands were useless to you. Only your head was free. You’d have to use it to your advantage, but how? 

You could headbutt him; break his nose. Break your head. Make both of you take a trip to the hospital during a global pandemic. Catch the dreaded disease. Lose your sense of taste and smell and potentially infect someone vulnerable that you loved. 

He was like a cat. Only interested in playing with something until it was dead and then losing interest after he couldn’t torture it anymore. You couldn't simply play dead. He had you trapped and you needed that phone back. 

You could bite him. Break the skin. Mean business for real. Make him bleed and make him cry. Make him pay for all of it. Give him a nasty scar on his hand, or on his neck or on his chest, maybe rip off his earlobe like Tyson did to Holyfield. Send him to the hospital during a global pandemic. Go to prison for assault charges. Get a nasty infection from a prison tattoo. Die.

Your struggle for a plan made you go physically still and you looked at his face; into his eyes and in those eyes sat all the usual bullshit and toddler behavior that you usually saw when he had latched on to something to tease you with, something he could play with and have fun with at your expense. Something he could exploit. 

You could use your mouth. 

You could use your lips.

You could use your tongue. 

What is this? Some sort of trashy rom-com? Would you really stoop so low, so early in the story? Kiss him to distract him, become a walking, talking, kissing cliché and an unoriginal failure of a human being? Get scolded and told to leave his home. Become homeless during a global pandemic. Without high speed internet access, lose your easy breezy data entry job. Get hungry and get cold. Possibly end up selling a kidney on the black market to make ends meet. Get a nasty infection from the shady surgery. Die. 

No. This wasn’t a cheesy romance story. This was your life. You’d have to live with the consequences of your choices and there was no way you would steal his first kiss just to get petty revenge.

This wasn’t enemies-to-lovers, this a violent revenge plot and you were pissed off god-dammit. How dare this idiot get you into such a compromising, such an undignified, such a frustratingly suggestive position and hold you captive like this. 

How dare he still be smiling through your entire inner monologue?

Didn't he know anything at all about women and the powers they possessed in their bodies? 

He flinched visibly when you dropped down; lowered your chest to his chest and you were face to face with the man. Your quick movement startled him and he loosened the grip around your wrists enough for you to rotate them before he tightened his hold again and watched you with wide eyes. That grin finally, finally fell from his mouth. His lips sat down-turned and pink. He’d gone positively pink with your quick movement. Your plan to move into him instead of struggling to get away clearly startled him. You felt the advantage at once. 

When you moved again it was only your eyeballs and it was to look pointedly at his lips before you pulled your eyes back up to look into his eyes. The slow movement made a bold statement, even to someone as clueless as he was. You were on top of him. He could most definitely feel the entirety of your weight on his body and your breasts were flush against his chest. And now, you had just looked down at his pink lips. 

Whatever steady and in-control breathing he had, stuttered and his body below yours went rigid with his eyes wide; obviously unsure of what you were about to do and much too on edge to take his eyes off of you. 

What became clear as you stared at his flushed face up close was that he had not thought this far ahead in his plan.

He probably didn't even have one to begin with. 

You moved closer to him and his hands released their hold on you again. You heard a gasp for air when his hand let go. You weren’t convinced he let go on purpose. There seemed to be a disconnected look inside his eyes right now. 

Instead of going straight for his earlobe and squeezing the shit out of it to teach him a lesson, you kept this going. You could not help it. You felt drunk on your own power and you didn't actually want to hurt him. You just wanted the damn phone so you could see what damage he had already done and begin cleaning up the messes. 

He swallowed and his lips opened to speak.

“W-What are you doing?” 

Nervous and trembling and uncertain; oh he was all of the above. Your free hand was moving now, traveling down the length of his arm to his flank when he moved again, this move felt much more frantic than the last. He grabbed your wrist more gently than before when you got close enough to touch him and he pulled your hand back. A feeble attempt it seemed, made by a man who had just come to his senses again after being in a daze. 

You leaned in. “Peanut,” you said directly into the space below his ear. You could smell him here. He smelled nice. Clean, and vaguely familiar. You remembered your shampoo that he still had and made a mental note to get it back from him. The scent of it on him was different than on you. The breath you took at his neck definitely smelled different. 

He was frozen stiff and when you pulled up to look at his face, his eyes were closed. He swallowed again and you reveled in the realization that you had not heard a single peep out of him since you began your counter-attack. Not a giggle, not a mocking laugh. Not a silly impression of what your voice sounded like to him. He was as quiet as a mouse. It paid to be pro-active. You felt free, as if you’d just been armed with some new very effective weapon that you had no idea would work so well. 

He had your hand again and was pulling — keeping you from reaching below his body to reach where you were certain your phone was stashed. Right here below his left butt cheek. Maybe even inside his back pocket. Either way it was there and you were centimeters away from it. 

So you went in again. This time it was a whisper. This time you went too far. You felt the softness of his neck brush against your bottom lip.

“Give it to me, while I am still being nice.” 

It was the exhale from your lips after you spoke that seemed to do it. The puff of air from your parted lips that drifted over his ear and warmed his neck, you felt him squirm below you and his hands moved releasing you all over and all at once. 

He was going now. He was leaving. You felt it happening below you. 

It was a tactic you’d used before when he tried to grab a hold of you and throw you onto your bed, or when he tried to wrestle something away from you in the kitchen. 

He went boneless. When you did it he would shout and laugh and lose his grip on you and you’d use the distraction to drop to the floor and roll out of his grip in one motion. It was much more difficult for him to do right now, being directly under you on the couch like this, but somehow he was vanishing fast. 

He moved so quickly it was like he melted from beneath you and he was pushing you off at the same time as he rolled, simply rolled from the sofa down onto the floor below in a single motion of retreat. 

You know that was where he went because you heard the rough thump of his body hitting the floor hard and you heard the grunt as he vocalized the pain of gravity having it’s final say. You were pushed with a force that made you roll onto your butt and below your legs you felt the rectangle of plastic and glass of your cell phone. 

He was moving fast. But he was also talking as he did it. 

“You are mean,” was what he said and he was halfway through the living room by the time you registered his complaint. 

Something about his fit irked you though. Was it such a big deal — so out of the question? Did he hate the idea of you kissing him, even if on accident that he had to overreact like this. 

“Oh settle down, It’s not like I was going to actually kiss you, Baekhyun.”

You’d expected to hear his bedroom door slam shut but he’d stopped with his hand on his door and turned his face in your direction. His expression was odd. 

Baekhyun was rarely upset with you, so you had very little experience with what he looked like when he was. He had been upset with others around you, but it wasn’t ever directed at you.

“I know you weren’t.” 

You could see it from where you sat and it made you stand up. Wait, was he really upset? At you? Because you pretended like you were going to steal his first kiss? Because you took something so precious to him and weaponized it against him? 

He was breathing hard and you took a step in his direction. 

“Baek, I was just—” 

“—trying to get your phone, I know.” His voice was cold and his words were short.

You suddenly felt like absolute shit. It moved fast and it overwhelmed you. You’d made a mistake and Baekhyun was upset at you. You’d acted carelessly and thoughtlessly and you’d hurt him. 

“We...we were playing around, I was just playing around, I didn’t mean it, Peanut. I’m sorry.” You could not help the thickness in your voice. You could not help how your voice cracked as you spoke up quickly, needing to get the apology out into the air before he could misunderstand any further. 

Before he could wake up and realize how low of a person you could be when you really set your mind to it. Before he could understand that maybe you didn't deserve so many chances to get your life together and get a better job, or be a better roommate, or make more money and pay more rent, or delete your facebook, or create better passwords. 

You realized you were crying when the wetness dripped down your chin and landed on your arm and as soon as you noticed you lifted both of your hands up to cover your face — before he saw, before he noticed or heard. You held your breath to keep from hiccuping or making any sort of sound at all and you closed your eyes and tried to stop the quiet gasps. 

You succeeded for the most part. 

It was the smell of him though. You did not notice that he moved, but you smelled him again, only this time it came with a warmth that enveloped you where you stood. 

“I’m not mad at you,” he whispered over your head and you inhaled through the snot that filled your nose, unable to get any air through. You gasped through your mouth instead and hiccuped through the breath. 

“You seemed mad at me,” you said into his shirt, the same shirt you’d cried into hours ago. This shirt would have so much of your messes on it by the end of the day. What in the world had gotten into you today? Maybe you were going to start your period soon. This was getting ridiculous. 

His hands rubbed slow and steady circles over your back and until the gasping stopped enough for you to lift your head and look into his face. 

“I’m not,” he said with more conviction the second time and you almost believed it. Had it not been for the strange way his eyes dropped yours so easily you would have. 

You didn't say that though. 

His lips parted once and his eyes grasped yours in that flimsy way again and his lips closed up again as he swallowed it away and didn’t say what he was about to say. 

You shook your head. He had to tell you. Whatever it was, you could work on it, do some self reflecting, or read some self help books. 

“What is it? Tell me.” Your insistence was desperate and his damn eyes refused to stick. It was making you crazy the more you noticed it. 

His mouth opened again and this time he inhaled deep enough to speak for hours and hours. 

“Peanut, what?” 

“Don't—” he began and you closed your mouth and looked into his face, dipping to catch them when his eyes dropped again and again. He noticed the dance you did and you saw the light dance inside his eyes. 

“Don't what? I’ll do it. Or I won’t do it. Whatever, just tell me.” If there was one thing you were good at, it was talking to this man. You could always pull it out. Whatever he had been sitting on, keeping from you, whatever he had deep down inside that was begging to be let out. You could talk to him. He could talk to you. It’s as part of the magic you shared with him. 

“Peanut,” you said again, refusing to let him close up again, refusing to let this go. He had to say his piece for the upset to move behind you both, so you could get past it. 

“Don't use your beauty as a weapon against me.” 

As soon as the words left so did his eyes, but that did not matter because you could not look into his face anymore after he said it either. 

Your…beauty?

Baekhyun didn’t look at you and see beauty. Impossible. You were a mess. Some days you showered. Some days you did your hair. These two events rarely happened on the same day. 

Outside you could pull off some-what put-together and even downright attractive when you wore the miracle bust enhancing bra you bought off some shady website he definitely told you not to enter any credit card info into, but inside you felt like a circus clown wearing a respectable young woman suit. Every day you worked to stuff the oversized shoes into your feet and struggled to zip them up. Every day you painted over your honking red nose with concealer in the hopes that it wouldn’t rain today and give you away. 

“It’s really shitty and really unfair to do to me.” He kept talking and you felt like maybe the ceiling had caved in on you. “I know who I am. I know my place and I know what _league_ I am in.”

He said the word _league_ with a whisper and you stared at his mouth as he spoke such nonsense words you hardly had any thoughts that made any sense inside of your own head. 

League? He was such an amazing person, but league? You’d heard some serious bullshit come out of his mouth in the past, but this? Seriously? 

He was a genius. He was beautiful inside and out and he was such a good person, a good person to you, a good person to his grandmother, a good person to his online friends. He was so good at whatever he wanted to do and he was really fucking sweet when he wasn’t being ridiculous. And even when he was being ridiculous it was so funny you usually didn't mind the ear deafening noise involved. He was a great dancer and an even better singer and he had so much to offer. 

He was shy. He was terribly embarrassed and debilitatingly nervous at the mere idea of talking to any other girl that wasn’t you and he took a whole lot of warming up to until he opened up to you even, but when he finally did, after tiptoeing around him for 4 months after you’d moved in and he finally grabbed a bowl of popcorn and sat beside you on the couch to watch lifetime movies with you, making fun of the writing and the acting the entire time until he was making fun of you for crying at the happy ending. 

He was reliable too. He refused to even entertain the idea of you moving out just because you could no longer afford the previously agreed upon rent after you lost your job. He searched for something to hold you over until you could get back on your feet and while the data entry thing was mind numbing, it was genuinely saving your life most days. You could at least pay your bills. You could at least force him to accept the much lower rent you started paying him again after you got your first paycheck. 

Oh god. League? 

You could feel it building again. The burning in your eyes peaked and you felt your face frowning down dramatically and the tears were flowing more freely than before. 

“You’re such an idiot.” You cried openly and his face changed at once into one of extreme concern. His hands waved over you uselessly, occasionally connecting to pat over your back in some attempt to stop this. 

“You are such a catch, you stupid idiot!” You were wailing very loudly. You could not help it. He was such an idiot. And he was such a catch. 

“Oh my god, are you yelling at me right now? After everything you’ve done to me today, now you are yelling at me and calling me names. Great. Just Great. Here, my face doesn’t hurt, why don't you punch me in the face too.” 

The sarcasm made you half laugh half choke in the middle of a particularly strong sob and you coughed with your mouth open to be able to breathe. Your nose was still useless. 

“Jesus,” he said to himself, “my mouth was open.” 

You were being steered. Your eyes were still closed and you were pushed now. You didn't really want to move but your stubborn legs saved you by taking a step instead of letting you fall flat on your face. You opened your eyes when you felt a fresh cold breeze against the wet surface of your cheeks and you saw in front of you the contents of the freezer. 

There were some frozen veggies. Some ice in a bin. Something meat-like in a freezer bag. And about six different boxes of various ice creams. Most of them chocolate. 

“Get one,” he said and his hand was pushing your elbow up and steering your hand toward the open box of chocolate popsicles. 

You grabbed with your open hand and he pulled your elbow back like you were a claw machine and he was working the lever. 

You grasped the popsicle between both of your hands with a small smile building against your will. 

“Eat it,” he said from behind your head and you were already ripping at the plastic wrapper. You didn’t even have a chance to throw away the wrapper when his hand was pushing at your elbow again. It bent upward and the chocolate plopped right into your open mouth. 

“Bite,” he said. 

You bit. He didn't have to tell you to chew and swallow. You knew how to do the rest. 

After the ice cream you were seated on the sofa next to him and he pulled out a portable game system to keep him entertained while he pressed play on the movie he’d put on the big tv on the wall. 

It was _Bridget Jones's Diary_ . You had seen it enough times to know the entire movie by heart and still, _still_ you laughed at every joke, swooned at every steamy look, and squealed like a piglet at every kiss scene. It literally did not get old. You could fall asleep and wake up watching this movie for the rest of your life and be as happy as ever. 

After he’d felt you’d been babied enough for him to trust you not to dissolve into a fit of disaster without him, he left you alone to finish your movie. He said something about a bug he was working on fixing and you could hear him working from behind his closed door in his room. 

He had been quiet as he worked. He usually was, save for the occasional song he sang along to, or work sounding phone call he took. 

The credits were rolling on your happy ending and you could feel the beginnings of the first few period cramps twinging inside of your abdomen. 

Everything made sense now, as it usually did whenever your period began. 

You’d just stood to head toward the kitchen for some pain medicine when Baekhyun’s bedroom door was abruptly pulled open. 

He bolted through the doorway and his phone was in his hands, his eyes were wide. Panic was written all over his face as he searched the room for you and finally made eye contact with you in the kitchen. 

You had a bottle of pain reliever in one hand and another popsicle in your other and you were trying to figure out the logistics of getting the bottle of medicine open without having to put the sticky melty treat down anywhere and things weren’t going so well. Things were getting drippy. 

Baekhyun arrived then and you beamed a wide and genuinely happy to see him smile. He would help you. He would open the pills. He would stuff you full of them to stop the pain. 

At this point you didn't even care how many. You’d take however many the Gods decided to shake free from their plastic prison. 

“Help,” he said, walking by the medicine you held out to him with his phone displayed in his hands. “Help me, she...our girlfriend, Maya, she—”

You gasped at his mispronunciation and you lifted your popsicle hand toward his face as you made the sounds with your mouth, “Mia. Like Mee-uh.”

“Mia, Maya, Moira, She is — she is talking to me.” His eyes were wide and they were crazed. 

“She’s saying things and she’s really fucking smart and clever and she’s saying things to me, Bug. She’s, oh god, -the fuck didn't you tell me she was cute. Fuck. You have to help me. She thinks I’m cute too. Oh God. What do I do? What’s next?”

He was breathless when he was done and both of your hands were still full. Your popsicle was beginning to drip down your wrist. You would have to clean it up before you got ants. You still had some medicine to take too. 

He was pacing. He thought she was cute too, it wasn’t just you who thought so. He said it himself. Although he reacted this way with nearly every girl you had seen him interact with. Hell, just last week he made you answer the door for the delivery chicken because the girl was cute and he wasn’t about to scribble his signature all over her hand by accident. 

“Baekhyun, I already laid the groundwork for you.” Maybe the day was finally catching up to you but you felt suddenly very tired and in no mood to play make-believe with him right now. 

“What does that mean?” His face betrayed his utter cluelessness and you sighed deeply, feeling much of the same melancholy mood return to you despite the chocolate and your favorite movie still fresh on your tongue. “What does that mean? I don't know what to do. You were going to help me.” 

He was right. You shouldn’t just abandon a friend in need like you’d abandoned the popsicle in the trash can just now. 

“You have a new episode of your show to watch. She also likes that show. Why don't you stream it together?” 

His eyes lit up and his smile was wide and beautiful. Then he was spinning on his heels without even so much as a glance back. He typed into his phone and had nearly reached the door of his bedroom without even acknowledging your help when at the last minute you caught the look he shot you. It was a bright smile. He was excited and his smile reached his eyes. 

“She said yes,” he said, “thanks, bug.”

His door closed and you reached for the bottle of pills. Grabbing just two today, you downed them quickly and retreated to your room with a gloomy, lonely, little storm cloud floating stubbornly over your head. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Eventual Smut
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers
> 
> A/N: The song featured in the kitchen scene is Fantasy by Mariah Carey.
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

  


You were puzzling. Alone in your bedroom, laying within the comfort of your own bed, you were positively puzzling.

* * *

After sorting out just who Ben was and fixing the damage Baekhyun had done to your reputation by explaining that your idiot roommate had just gotten a hold of your phone, you reintroduced yourself and apologized for the confusion.

This ‘ _Ben_ ’ actually seemed to laugh off the odd behavior he’d gotten as a first impression of you, mentioning that your roommate seemed funny, if not weirdly protective of you.

You could see what he meant when you read through the rapid fire questions Baekhyun had asked him from his age, to his preferred operating system, whether or not Ben had Facebook so “you” and him could be friends, his profession, and his parents line of work, his current place of work, how long he’s worked there and whether or not he moves around a lot, his hometown, his hobbies and even whether or not Ben has now or has ever had any pets; it seemed that Baekhyun had actually done a whole lot of legwork to give you a pretty good idea of what Ben might be like.

But the moment Baekhyun’s conversation topic changed to innocently ask Ben for his astrological sign, something struck you as off to see Baekhyun proclaim you to also be the same sign and after the two compared birthdays you began to find the whole exchange quite odd.

You realized that Baekhyun had simply lied about your birthday. Baekhyun knew your birthday. Why had he given a fake date to Ben? Unless there was something else happening that you didn’t understand. Then again, Baekhyun had always been rather stingy about giving out personal information; both yours and his. He was probably just being cautious about revealing too much to a stranger.

And actually, Ben seemed rather …. nice. You always hesitated to give them this adjective right off the bat as most of the guys you met who seemed nice right away turned out to be very good at faking nice and stringing along at least three or four girls at once for the shot at fucking at least one of them, and the hopes of fucking all of them.

You’d been called the wrong name late at night, whispered through a sleepy voice over the phone. You’d been sweet-talked and then abruptly called a bitch for refusing to send nudes to a guy you’d been talking to for only a week. Apparently a week was his limit and all his other girls gave him what he wanted within a couple of days. You’d been ghosted by nice guys who felt victimized and led on when you said goodnight politely with a smile and a wave instead of inviting them inside for _ramen_.

You did want a nice guy. But you wanted a real one.

What you wouldn’t give for one of them, for just one of them to be honest with you and really show you their true self.

Perhaps you had been going about it all wrong.

Your conversation with Ben quietly fizzled and you put your phone away to charge and now, now you were simply puzzling.

It panged at your heart to think of it, but the upset with Baekhyun hours earlier kept replaying in your mind. You propped your feet up on your wall and let your head hang off the edge of your bed, enjoying the way the gravity pulled at the blood in your brain and you tapped your fingers on the bed absentmindedly to the soft beat of music you heard playing from his room.

And you puzzled.

_Don’t use your beauty as a weapon against me._

You hadn’t been this bothered by something since you’d watched that Mission Impossible movie the first time and spent an hour and a half trying to wrap your head around the complicated plot.

_A Weapon._

_Your beauty … a weapon … against me._

Why did it bother you so much? Why had he been so upset that you were playing with him, that you were messing with him. He messed with you all the time. You messed with him just as much. He never got this upset. No, he never got upset in this way. In such a way as to call you out on using something you had, against him. Something that you hadn’t even known had any power at all to attack the man. Your beauty. Did you have such a thing?

You thought about the other times you fought with him.

Not really fought, the two of you never did that, but that fake sort of fighting like when he’d woken you up at 2am for the third night in a row with his loud _working music_ and you found him out in the kitchen disassembling your favorite toaster, the one with the wide slots for bagels that also toasts four slices of bread at once and even has special buttons for frozen items. The stainless steel one that you won in a work raffle and proudly marched through the office carrying with a huge smile on your face. It was a deluxe model. Supreme even. The master of it’s craft. Said so right on the box. Your toaster in a million pieces on your kitchen counter; all because he needed some _components_ or _resistors_ or whatever the fuck it was and he decided the best move was to take your toaster apart rather than to just order what he needed online and wait two business days for them to arrive.

Sure, he put it back together a few days later but not without enduring the laser eyes you shot him over breakfast when you had to toast a piece of bread in a frying pan on the stove like a loser who did not own a four slice Deluxe Toastmaster Supreme.

You’d planned your revenge then. It was something tiny and it involved his TV remote. His precious TV was enormous, took up almost the whole wall, OLED or SUPER-NANO or ULTRA-NANO some similar nonsense words and had 8-Ks of pixels or so he claimed and had so many smart functions you could hardly get comfortable using it for anything that didn’t involve the Netflix button. And no, no, you didn’t do anything to the actual TV. Relax, this was just the remote. This was harmless. Absolutely harmless. Easy to solve really if he had half a brain in his head.

You just carefully cut out the smallest tiniest piece of IR blocking tape that fit exactly over the infrared sensor on the remote control and fit so well it was undetectable to the human eye. Unless you knew it was there and knew exactly where to stick your fingernail in under the plastic bezel to peel it back. You simply applied the tape and left the remote right on the coffee table before you left for work.

You’d come home that night to a pile of assorted battery packs all strewn about the coffee table, and the remote completely taken apart down to the tiny circuit board and Baekhyun was quietly touching the tip of some tiny tool to the different spots on the scary looking green part from inside of the remote with all the metal bits stuck to it and when you slowly walked by he looked up at you through the magnifying eye glasses he wore. His eyes looked comically enormous and you swallowed away your laughter and considered how long you’d let him suffer.

“Something wrong with your remote, Peanut Butter?”

“It was working fine yesterday. I just don’t understand it.”

“Maybe it’s the batteries,” you offered innocently and he just ignored your helpful suggestion as he began screwing tiny screws into place with a precision screwdriver.

He was reassembling it all now and you sat down beside him on the sofa about as amused as you had ever been to sit and watch him suffer.

He grabbed two new batteries from an unopened pack on the table and aimed the remote, pressing the buttons again and again. Nothing happened.

He was surprisingly calm about the whole thing and judging by the various shopping bags and different brands of batteries you saw, he seemed to have been working on this all afternoon. Probably for hours now.

“I’m going to have to take the TV apart.”

He was already standing up and walking across the room toward the wall mounted monstrosity when you leaned forward for the remote. He glanced back at you as you did it and he looked at you just in time to see you shake the remote back and forth and then hit it twice lightly against your left hand. Just a little knock-knock should do it. You were careful to keep the expression on your face calm and well controlled.

When you pressed the power button, the big TV came to life and you pressed the button for Netflix and scrolled through your recommended titles. You had a new episode to watch. You’d have to make time tonight for that. After he was done with his little project here.

Baekhyun instantly pulled his hands away from the TV and hopped back and away from the screen, peering up at it with his mouth hanging wide open. His eyes shot back to where you sat on the sofa holding the remote control. You did not allow your smile to form. Nothing in your whole life had ever been so difficult. You felt as if you could pop right here. You casually flipped through the menu on the screen and the man looked back up at the TV and back down at you again.

You could see him coming in then. He was moving fast with several large steps toward you and with the quickest movement you could manage you used the tip of your finger to slide the IR tape back over the remote sensor. You could not be as precise as you had been before with him coming right at you so quickly, but hopefully it wouldn’t be visible.

He reached for the remote. “What did you do, how did you fix it?” He held it up and pointed it toward the TV. Again, the remote did not work. You bit down hard on the inside of your cheek.

He was pressing buttons again and nothing happened with each new button he smashed down. You could see the madness growing in his eyes the more he tried.

He made the smallest whining sound from the back of his throat and it took every ounce of self control to keep from laughing as he lightly tapped the remote twice against his hand just as he had seen you do. Nothing.

You tried to hold it. You tried so hard. A tiny sound escaped, the smallest sniffle with a laugh broke free from your throat and you coughed lightly to hide it.

His face turned on you and those crazed eyes were back only instead of directing them at the remote, he was looking at you now.

“How did you fix it? Do it again.” He looked insane and desperate and a tiny smile betrayed you as you grabbed the remote from his hand. You played the smile off as part of the help you were willing to offer him but you also had to inhale a deep breath and carefully and slowly exhale it through your mouth to keep from breaking completely.

You held it up in your right hand and gave it a little shake. As quickly as you had done it before you turned the remote on its side as you gave those two little knocks and his head flipped toward the TV when you aimed. With his eyes averted you were able to slip the tape off just before pressing the button.

The Netflix logo greeted you and Baekhyun threw his head back and let out a loud frustrated yell into the ceiling above him.

You’d been holding your laugh for too long. It was becoming too difficult now and he was back, reaching for the remote when the first suffocating giggles took your composure and you laughed out loud.

Your laughter brought all of his attention right to you and only you. The entirety of his focus shifted and that brought those crazed eyes of his bearing down on you, wide and demanding.

It was, by far, the most successful and meanest prank you had ever played on him to date and you were gasping for air and laughing as he reached for you. He grasped both of your shoulders and he shook you as you laughed and laughed at the absolute madness in his eyes. Oh he was crazy. It was just so damn funny.

The remote was still in your hands and you flipped through the different inputs on the TV as you cackled and tears formed at the corners of your eyes.

“How did you do it? You devil! Tell me how you did it?”

He balanced with his knees on the couch and his hands were on you, roaming over the fabric of the sweater you wore, lifting your arms to look under them, maybe for spare remotes or for hidden batteries or secret formulas, who knows what he thought he might find.

You’d stashed the tiny circle of tape by sticking it to the skin inside your elbow and he was currently examining the fingers on all of your hands up close as if they concealed all of the secrets he was looking for.

It wasn’t until he searched higher, pulling your hand forward toward his chest and his thumb grazed against the shiny plastic of the tape circle you had on your inner arm when he did a double take, pulled your arm harder and lifted an accusing finger to point at the tape.

“What is that?!” He clearly thought himself to be the world’s greatest detective.

You allowed yourself to be manhandled by him a little bit more as you got every bit of humor about your recent victory out of your chest and you lifted your other hand, the one he did not have held hostage right now to wipe at the tears that had fallen from your eyes. 

“Stop laughing and answer me, woman! What is it?”

“It’s my birth control patch,” you said through a laugh and his eyes widened as he pulled his hand back. It was a tiny movement but you were so close to his accusing eyes that it felt monumental and the dramatic reaction to your teasing lie made a fresh wave of laughter bubble up in your chest. You knew he would react this way. Any mention of your contraceptives always made him clam up.

“It’s IR tape, Baekhyun. Infrared blocking tape. I put it on the sensor this morning after breakfast. After I made toast in a pan instead of in my toaster.”

The truth pulled his whole head back and he fell down on his butt on the sofa briefly before he slipped and fell right off the couch onto the floor and he sat there with a blank lifeless look on his face; staring ahead without any focus in his eyes.

“Do you know how sad pan toast is, Baekhyun? Tell me, how am I supposed to be satisfied with pan toast when I should have been having Deluxe Toastmaster Supreme toast?”

He was shaking his head back and forth as you spoke and when he did move it was to lay down flat on his back on the floor of the living room. His hands were up and he rubbed roughly over his face.

“Oh my god. Oh my god—it’s so good. I would have never checked for tape over the sensor. Fucking tape. A piece of goddamn tape. I was so focused on the batteries.I went to three different stores today. The circuits to the sensor were all intact, I checked it, it was good — I never even considered this. Are you an evil genius? My sweet innocent Bug ... is actually an evil supervillain.”

You left him on the floor and made your way into the kitchen to make dinner. It was your night to cook and thanks to the man stewing on the floor of the living room you had to do it around the scattered carcass of your third favorite kitchen appliance.

You remembered the way he reacted then. He pouted and moaned on the floor for a few moments until he smelled the stew you were cooking on the stove. It was comfort food. Something with meat and potatoes and warmth and spices. It would lift anyone’s mood and his had been lifted almost immediately. There were no apologies or any tears. Just a promise to put the toaster back together tomorrow after he went to the store for the parts he needed and that was the end of it.

He didn't storm away. He didn't raise his voice or say you were mean or unfair or too beautiful for him to withstand. He didn't get angry about closeness being used the wrong way, in a way that was unfair to him. In a way that could hurt him, like a weapon.

If he said you had the kind of beauty that could be used against him, didn't that mean he found you beautiful? Wouldn't that mean that Baekhyun found you attractive?

The words protested inside your mind. You shook your head.

That was impossible. Definitely. You’ve been so close to him for so long without even a hint of that sort of a feeling from him. Sure you were close to each other. Sure you cared for each other. It was a familiar sort of affection you shared. But attraction? Because he found you beautiful in a way that was unfair?

The puzzling was giving you a headache. There were some things that just did not exist in the same space in your mind and that was the existence of your roommate, Byun Baekhyun, and the possibility that he was attracted to you in any way.

You’d been inside your bedroom for hours now and you were no closer to answers than when you first came in here.

Baekhyun would be done with his episode. He would have watched it with Mia and discussed themes or scenes or dramatic moments with her. Did he talk to her on the phone or maybe though a headset as they streamed the episode together.

Did he like her voice and did she like his jokes?

Did he make her laugh? Of course he did. He made everyone laugh. Baekhyun was charming and hilarious. But could she make him laugh? Could she make him giggle and shake like he laughed with you?

It was late. That didn't really mean all that much to Baekhyun, as the man didn't really have any set bedtime and usually just fell asleep when the sun began to come up. It was a weekend night and you didn't have work in the morning and frankly your curiosity had grown too much for you to just stay in here and fall asleep without at least checking on how the streaming date went.

You knocked lightly on his door. You could hear music playing inside. Nothing too loud or crazy. The man seemed to be having a somewhat low key evening.

“Yeah,” his voice called lowly and you opened the door and peeked your head inside.

“How is our girlfriend doing?” Baekhyun was sitting on his butt on the floor in front of his bed with his head laid over his arms and his phone abandoned in the middle of the floor out of arm’s reach.

He let out a long low groan but did not lift his head up when you stepped inside.

“I don't even know. I don't know.” He sounded defeated already and this had only just started.

“Peanut, what happened?” You picked up the phone and unlocked the screen, searching through his apps to find the dating app so you could see if they had said anything to each other that might give you some clues about what went wrong.

“Nothing happened. I was too quiet. I couldn’t talk at all. I didn't say anything during the entire episode. Why is this so scary. Uggghhh...I feel unsafe. It’s gross.”

You stepped over him and climbed onto his bed, sitting up against the head of the bed as you scrolled through the chat logs.

It looked normal. Not unfriendly. A little terse and abrupt on his part. The man didn't know how to loosen up when he talked to girls and you wondered if maybe you needed more one on one lessons with him before he was really ready for this stuff.

When you leaned back against the headboard you felt the bed dip and he climbed onto the bed beside you and angled his body toward where you sat up against the pillows.

When you got to the end of the chat you could see that she was the last one to speak and she remarked that he felt a bit different from when they spoke at the beginning of the day. He didn't say anything in response to that.

Baekhyun moaned with his eyes closed and he turned his head into your waist. He was obviously reliving some perceived embarrassment he must have felt during the interaction with Mia and when he moved his arm around your waist you looked down to find yourself trapped under his arm that constricted as he pulled tightly, hiding the entirety of his face somewhere in the shirt you wore. He was warm. The weight of his arm around you felt nice.

“I felt so unsafe,” he repeated his complaint from earlier and his voice was obscured and muffled as he hid himself. He switched the tense though and you wondered if he no longer felt unsafe now that you had come in.

You typed out a quick response to Mia. You didn't think it was right to just leave her hanging without an explanation for his strange silence during and after the show.

“I’m going to tell her that you were so quiet because you were nervous. I’ll also thank her for watching the episode tonight.”

You heard and felt a hum and the tightness of his arm around your waist relaxed a little as his arm went slack. He did not move though. He still hugged you. He was still warm and it took only a moment for your nose to pick up the pleasant smell of his clean bed sheets fresh from the dryer. You both had a schedule for washing things like towels and bed sheets. Yours had been cleaned today as well, but something about the smell of his bed felt better than yours had. Perhaps it had been all that difficult puzzling that had tainted yours.

Mia responded right away to your message. She was flattered by his nervousness. You could tell with the way she reassured that he really didn't have to be nervous around her. That she was an easy going kinda girl. _Low_ _maintenance_ she said. You scoffed at the thought of a computer geek being low maintenance. As if you didn't know how difficult to obtain fancy GPUs were and how expensive high powered CPUs, high capacity SATA drives, and their required cooling systems were. You looked around Baekhyun’s set up and figured it had to run somewhere in the multiples of tens of thousands of dollars; just in this room alone.

Low maintenance. Please, she was just as high maintenance as any other regular girl just with a different catalogue of parts.

You switched to the emoji keyboard and keyed off some random happy faces and closed her chat window with more force than was necessary; suddenly and unexpectedly irked when she responded with similar emojis and the notification popped up on the screen. You swiped it away quickly to be rid of it.

“She sounded nice though, even if I couldn’t talk. She sounded nice. Do you think she will even want to talk to me again? I think she likes you more than me.”

“She will like you. If she doesn’t she’s an idiot. A girl would have to be an imbecile, Peanut, to not fall for you.”

He lifted his face then, just enough for the corners of his eye to peek out and you looked down at the side of his face as he looked at you for a moment, absorbing the encouraging words you spoke to him. His leg began to shake somewhere on the end of the bed. You could feel the rhythmic motions. He often did this when he was tired.

You had been scrolling through matches on his phone, building on an idea that popped into your head.

The man needed some practice to build up his confidence. Maybe, just maybe you could find another girl. Someone who he could talk to, chat with, be friendly with, that maybe wasn’t just so wonderfully perfect for him. Someone just to break the ice with.

You stopped on a girl. Her dress was short and the neckline was low. She really left very little up to the imagination with this outfit. Outside of the revealing clothes, it was clear that she was a beautiful woman. She was sexy and very confident in herself despite the glaringly obvious grammatical typo in her bio.

You spun the phone around to show him.

“She looks nice,” you said. Baekhyun blinked at the phone and pulled his face back a little to see the image clearly.

“—- _follow you’re dreams — you are — Never too old to follow you are dreams_.” Baekhyun read out the sentence with the typo out loud and you laughed.

“Come on, she’s pretty,” you said softly, “right?” You probed gently and he chuckled once to himself and closed his eyes up with a sigh.

“Yeah, she’s pretty,” he said after a while and you felt yourself stiffen just a little bit with his admission. Of course she was. Anyone could see it. He’d be lying if he didn't admit it.

“Okay but like, just pretty or do you also think she’s beautiful?”

He hummed some non response and you focused your attention back on the phone in your hands. After scrolling through a few more profiles you found another woman whose beauty shone brightly right through the screen at you.

“And her? Is she pretty or is she beautiful?”

Baekhyun’s eyes opened again but just barely. He looked half asleep and you wondered if the reason his arm was still around you was because he was so sleepy he didn't realize he was still hugging you like this on his bed.

“Pretty,” he mumbled and pushed his face into your waist again. This time the shaking in his leg began to settle and you could hear a slow steadiness in his breathing.

“Should I message her? Maybe we can practice talking to her so you’re not so nervous talking to girls?”

“Sure Bug,” he said quietly, “you can do anything you want.”

He was falling asleep now. You could feel the change. It didn't matter. You’d let him rest a bit while you opened up a chat window and began talking to _Candy_.

She responded quickly and had a completely different feeling from Mia. Maybe this was good. Candy was easy to talk to but she had nearly nothing in common with Baekhyun. She casually asked what a computer programmer did and when you went into specifics you had trouble finding synonyms for words that didn’t just make it all more complicated. You finally settled on a simple explanation of what kinds of computer software Baekhyun had developed and left it at that.

After a while Baekhyun shifted in his sleep and uncovered his face. His lips were parted and from the upside down angle you could see the dark splash of his pretty eyelashes that landed over his soft cheeks. He looked lovely and peaceful. All the worries and fears of the day were gone and he was sleeping so calmly. You watched his sleeping face for a while, growing warm inside with the strange contentedness you felt.

You could see some light movement behind his eyes and you wondered if he was dreaming about anything.

Candy had asked for a picture. She was asking something superficial like what sort of car Baekhyun drove and you slipped into his picture gallery for the folder with the shots you took for him when he first bought his car. You found a nice one with him smiling behind the driver’s seat, bright red seatbelt across his chest and the logo of his fancy ride on the steering wheel.

‘ _Wooo, baby boy an Audi? you must be loaded. When are you gonna come pick me up in that?’_

You laughed at her obvious reaction. Candy was exactly as you expected her to be. Baekhyun would be able to laugh and chat with her easily without too much pressure of impressing a complicated woman like Mia was. Candy was an open book. The stakes were lower with Candy.

Your giggle made him stir and you looked down to see his eyes open a tiny bit before he closed them again.

“It’s going well with Candy,” you whispered and he inhaled a breath and nodded his head as he closed his eyes again.

“Mmm, the pretty one?” he asked in a sleepy voice and you hummed your confirmation. Something buzzed inside of you; just a bit of nerve. Call it gumption.

“Baek,” you called quietly and his lips parted with his breathing but his eyes stayed closed this time. He did not respond. He didn't give any indication at all that he heard you call him.

“Baek, what about me?” Your voice was tiny when you asked it. You felt more warmth in this bed suddenly. You felt it in your chest and it seeped up to warm up your face too.

He hadn’t responded at all to your question. It had been pretty unclear though. He might not have heard it, or might not have understood it. Or his sleep may have just been too deep to register your words.

“Am I pretty or am I beautiful?” You said it so quietly there was little chance of him actually hearing it. He was asleep and you were just here, trapped in his embrace on his bed as he slept and you puzzled over the words he had told you during an upset. The words that you had pried from him when he was vulnerable and emotional. The words that you shouldn’t be over analyzing like this. Those words felt too risky to be giving this much thought to.

Here you were again, using your sneaking methods to try and trick him into something when you knew it wouldn't work, when you knew there was nothing really there and you were reading too far into things.

His steady breathing continued. His eyes remained closed and his arm still gripped around your tightly, holding you still, holding you close to him as he slept.

So you gave up. You’d moved back to the phone to respond to Candy; something silly and lighthearted, something easy just like she was, when you heard him speak.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he said so far under his breath the statement sounded more like air than actual vocalization of any kind and your fingers stopped their rapid typing in the middle of your sentence.

Your eyes looked down. Your entire body was frozen. Half of you expected to find his eyes open and a wide teasing smile on his lips, begging for you to take the bait and believe his words just for the chance of laughing at your shocked face and making fun of you for being stupid enough to believe them.

He was asleep. His eyelids did not pull open when you looked down at him and his breathing remained as steady as ever.

Baekhyun was asleep.

That damn puzzling — your jaw was sore from clenching your teeth down and your lips were dry and chapped from biting them. 

You had dropped the phone and it disappeared somewhere amid the bedcovers.

Baekhyun’s sleep was deeper now. He must have been very tired to be falling asleep so recklessly like this. You shifted downward and made some attempt to find the phone without waking him up and your small movement made him inhale a deep breath through his nose and he was moving now. You felt him shifting, moving his sleepy body up higher in search for some comfort; for something to lay on that was a bit more comfortable than flat on the middle of the bed like that.

You used the movement to reach for the blanket and pull it over his body so he could be warm at least and when he finally settled he shared the same pillow as you. His forehead rested against your shoulder and he was once again, fast asleep.

His arm though— you found yourself still very much trapped in nearly the same embrace as before, just shifted. A forearm landed over your chest and you felt a new heaviness of his bent leg land over your thigh.

You could wake him.

You could push him off and let him roll the other way so you could make an escape back to the peace of your own bedroom.

You would. You would do that soon.

Your current state of thoughts was simply too overloaded to follow through on any game plan. If you could only have a few more minutes of his warm steady breathing, you would move away from this. You would do it.

It wasn’t that you had never considered it. It was that you had gone through many lengths to come to this place. You were safe and secure here.

It was that you had nowhere else to go when it was over.

This place was your home.

Peanut was part of that home.

Things were nice right now; the way they were at home.

But…

As they sometimes do, and against your own will, your thoughts wandered.

You wondered as they wandered — wondered about him.

From the deepest parts of your mind; down where you’d shoved them roughly many times before, those wondering thoughts danced and swayed lightly to the soft music playing in this room.

Those secret thoughts about the sweetness in his eyes. Secrets about the fondness you felt for the little tips of him; the tip of his nose, the tips of his fingers, the pink tips of his ears. Thoughts you refused to encourage.

Baekhyun was asleep and you were thinking.

With the thinking came the shame and your skin was hot to the touch. The last thing you wanted was to ruin your home. With the thinking came the denial. You could not encourage anything. You could not afford to become complacent. You did not need these thoughts to become so brazen. You did not need them taking root. The last thing you needed was them making an appearance again.

The sounds he made while dreaming pulled your closed eyelids back open. You turned your face toward the sound. It was soft, the small groan from the back of his throat. But his face changed then; eyebrows screwed together and his lungs constricted as he let out a softer sound, like a whine. It was a complaint. His face showed signs of pain. The dream must have been unpleasant.

You lifted a hand then, shifted within his embrace you raised your palm and laid it carefully over the side of his face.

The shift happened with the warm contact and his features evened out and that pained look was gone. 

You smiled then. So sleepy but satisfied that you could help when he needed it.

You would move after he got a little more sleep. After he’d had a little more comfort from you, you would move.

You weren’t the first to move. And it seemed by the change in light that shone through the windows that your visit had lasted much longer than you had intended.

It was the untangle that woke you up. A conscious and deliberate lifting of limbs; the careful grip of a hand lifting your arm by the wrist and setting it gently down on a flat mattress.

You opened your eyes when he pulled his own leg out from between your thighs. The temperature change was most jarring. You had felt so warm before.

Baekhyun was sitting up in his bed. His hair was standing up in places all over his head and he was moving slowly and carefully, in an attempt to disengage himself from the tangle of this woman he had just woken up with.

The sleep was still very thick in your head. It hadn’t been a full night’s sleep had it? You felt like you had just closed your eyes a minute ago and yet the sunshine was so bright outside already.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun whispered when he realized you were now awake and looking at him, “guess I got too comfortable...must have fallen asleep.”

His voice was thick with sleep and with embarrassment too, you could hear it everywhere, with the quick words he spoke to you and the pink that covered the back of his neck and flooded his cheeks too.

This situation...this was an embarrassment. Of course it was.

This was something that should not have happened. Not with two adults of similar age who shared so many liberties with each other; spending time in each other’s arms at night, well…

You felt awkward all over. What if—what if you’d done something in your sleep? What if you said something?

And he already wasn’t meeting your eyes as he climbed out of the bed and awkwardly made his way into his bathroom.

You could hear the sound of the running water faucet and the door closed with the smallest click like he went out of his way to close it as softly and quietly as possible to avoid disturbing you any further.

You could feel the heat burning on the skin of your cheeks and you used his absence to get up and get out of his bedroom before he came out and found you still, still tangled in his bed sheets like you’d been tangled in his legs and in his arms all night.

You had to ignore this. You had to forget it ever happened, and anyway, you were best friends with the guy...right? Wasn't this thing bound to happen in the course of a friendship? What if you went on a holiday with him and the hotel only had one bed? These things really did happen, you read about it on twitter once. Would you be that asshole best friend who let him sleep on the floor just because he was a man? No! You could build a little pillow wall between your bodies and sleep as still and motionless as possible, like a corpse.

This feeling would go away. The red hot embarrassment would wash down the drain of your shower. The sticky warmth left behind by his skin would go with it.

You’d made it as far as to undress and turn on the hot water when an awful memory dawned on you.

Baekhyun still had your shampoo.

You didn't have any other shampoo in this bathroom that you could use. You pulled open cupboards and drawers, searching for anything; tiny hotel sized travel bottles, a nearly empty bottle under the sink for a rainy day, even maybe something in the trash can that still had a few drops. Nothing.

You eyed the hand soap on your sink and pictured stepping out of the shower a frizzy, tangled mess.

A soft knock vibrated against your bathroom door.

“Bug, your shampoo.” Baekhyun’s voice called out, muffled by the sounds of the running water and the door itself, “it’s almost empty, but there’s a little left. Sorry, I’ll run to the store and get more.”

Your ear was pressed against the door so you could make out everything he said; so you could listen carefully to the tone and delivery of his words to see if he was still embarrassed about last night or if he’d brush it off easily like he did most things that seemed to bother him.

There were another two soft knocks, “B-Bug?”

“Yeah, Peanut, thank you. Can you just...put it by the door. I’m already undressed. I’ll grab it in a bit.”

He did not respond right away and you stayed with your ear against the door waiting for some sound. Some indication that he had left. The click of your door, anything.

“I left it by the door,” you heard his far away voice shout and then the click of your door.

When your shower was done and you were dressed in your favorite weekend outfit, the high waisted comfy shorts with pockets and a cute top that made you feel somewhat pretty even on a casual day and you emerged from your bedroom feeling ready to face whatever weird moods or wacky situations accosted you today.

You found him singing a song to himself in the kitchen as he made something that smelled delicious for breakfast. The radio was on a pop station that played hits from all the past decades and the upbeat rhythm of the song that played was a definite favorite that had him dancing at the stove.

It was a groovy little love song, quite old now that you thought about it and you felt the beat hit hard in your chest with each pop of his shoulders and hips. The joy you could feel in this song hit you just like that beat hit; heavy and prominent, and you smiled wide to welcome this morning mood it brought with it.

When you stepped into the kitchen to grab a mug to make yourself some coffee you couldn’t help but sing along to the song, you loved the song as much as he did and when he noticed you enter the room you could hear him singing the main parts; expertly, even though the singer was a woman, his voice could always reach the high notes as well as the low ones. She was the kind of epic singer with one of a kind of talent that was world dominating. Baekhyun was singing along, doing the same kinds of ad-libs and vocal runs that she did and he did it while holding the spatula up to his face like a microphone.

As you walked by he dipped his head and looked into your face and his eyes caught ahold of yours. You knew what was coming. You could hear it coming in the song, the chorus. The part you had to sing. These were the rules. He leaned hard and brought the spatula up to your lips just in time for your part to come on. You did not disappoint. You gave it your all closing your eyes up tight and throwing your head back, singing from the very center of you, this part you always sang during this song. The part that was made for you; he knew it and you knew it.

His smile was genuine and breathtaking and he grabbed your hand with his spatula-less hand and pulled you into him, the beat taking over whatever bit of nervousness he might have had before. This was different. This was dancing. This was singing to simply the best song for a Saturday morning and it was moving and laughing with your best friend and you let him spin you in a small circle, careful to keep your coffee mug lifted so it didn’t hit anything during the spin.

His sense of rhythm was perfect. His hips moved as if they were made for this. You had no choice but to follow. An occasional hand on your hip told you where to go. The song was reaching its peak and you knew it was a short one. The best ones always were. It was going to begin winding down now. It was always such a sweet and short lived moment of happiness that you always appreciated immensely.

As a final move, he gave you a little spin and released you to go on your way toward the coffee maker you so desperately wanted to get to when you first entered this kitchen.

He finished the eggs with the last notes of the song.

As you both sat down to eat, his eyes met yours and yours met his and you dug into the eggs and bacon he’d prepared. You offered him a perfectly buttered toast slice and he took it, nodding his head as he bit into the crisp corner.

“So Bug,” he spoke up between bites of eggs, chewing and swallowing thoughtfully, “about this...Candy.”

You swallowed the hot coffee in your mouth and clasped your hands together, suddenly remembering how asleep he had been when you had hit it off with Candy, his practice girl.

He listened to your explanation. Your theory that the stakes were simply too high with Mia and he needed someone to talk to that was a bit more of a relaxed task for him. You called it easy mode so he might get the game reference. He ate and listened to you talk and occasionally his eyebrows would lift or screw together with whatever sorts of thoughts he was thinking inside his head. You could tell by his body language that he didn't exactly want to start something with Candy and you had to emphasize that it was really just for practice, talking to her. It was to help build his confidence.

“She’s already in, Peanut. She thinks you’re super cool, she thinks you’re rich and thinks you have a very good job and plus, you make lots of money and she seems super into that.”

He was not speaking yet, despite how much you had talked and you were beginning to get worried that he didn’t see the benefit of practicing his conversation skills a little bit.

“It’s not even real, Baek, you just have to make some things up with her. Just to get over that anxiety about talking to women. Just until you are more comfortable.”

When he finally did speak, it was as you feared.

“It just feels kinda gross, Bug. She’s a real person too, even if she is obviously a gold digger. It just seems wrong. I’ve been...thinking lately. What if this is...wrong of us?”

“What if I just have to tough it out with Mia and get the fuck over it and just,” he thrust his hands forward over the food on the table for emphasis, “just — blehhhh — talk, just fucking talk to her.”

You lifted a fork with eggs toward your lips but your stomach protested. You suddenly didn't want any more food. The coffee you were drinking had suddenly gone too cold for your liking and you pushed the plate and mug away from you with your fingertips.

You were bothered.

Why did he choose right now to suddenly grow a conscience about this? Did he forget that Mia was chatting with both of you and not just him?

“I...I just — I want to try with Mia. I know I can get over it and talk to her. And I don't want to talk to Candy. The person Candy thinks I am, well...that’s just false. I can’t be the person she’s expecting me to be.”

He had obviously read through the entire conversation with Candy last night and found the tales you told simply too stretched out for him to try and live up to.

“But that’s what people do when they start dating. They stretch the truth, make themselves sound just a little bit better, make themselves taller, or make themselves look richer. They all do this.” You simply could not understand why he didn’t get this. Why he didn’t just play by the rules that everyone followed to get through the door so he could stand a chance here.

“Well I don't. I don't want someone to fall for a fake version of me. I want someone to like me now. This _me_. Byun Baekhyun. The Peanut with anxiety who lives with Bug who almost killed him over a cheese stick, but who makes really great toast.”

He was smiling now, joking about the funny memories. You pulled your lips into a forced smile and lifted the coffee for another drink so you didn't have to smile any more.

He was watching your face. You were sure he sensed it. Something had bothered you to the point of giving up on your breakfast and every pass your eyes made over his face led to the same thing. He was watching you.

“Why are you upset?”

You shook your head lightly. Willing the obvious signs to leave your face. You didn't even know why. You didn't have a name for this. So you just shrugged in response to him.

“Because I don't want to practice on Candy? Did you actually like her for me?”

You really made your best attempt. You inhaled deep and closed your eyes and you shook your head.

Candy did not matter and you knew it. There was something ugly inside of you maybe. Something that did not want Baekhyun to get along with perfect Mia. Something that was fighting against the idea of him being happy and healthy and free of this unhealthy attachment you had to him. Free and happy away from you.

“Then why?”

Enough. You were being unfair to him. You had promised him that you would help him. You had gotten him this far and you’d be the worst kind of asshole if you didn't see him through to the end; if you didn't follow through with your promise to find him someone who would love him like he deserved to be loved, exactly as he was now. The amazingly wonderful Byun Baekhyun.

“It’s nothing like that,” you smiled softly. It felt like a sad smile, but at least it was genuine. “I just worry when you get so anxious. You know you fell right asleep last night. As soon as I came in, you passed right out.”

Your words skillfully slipped out of your lips and you successfully changed the subject. You felt like a coward, but you simply did not have words for what was happening to you.

“I didn’t...say anything did I? Before I fell asleep?”

This question was quiet. His fingertips grazed over his lips as he asked it, nearly muffling the words he shyly asked you at the breakfast table, the morning after.

_You are so fucking beautiful._

_You are so fucking beautiful._

You lifted your coffee cup to drink the tepid liquid inside and dropped your eyes from his shaking ones. The answer to his question sat on the back of your tongue even after you swallowed away the liquid.

You swallowed again and it refused to budge and yet you sat in silence, unable to utter a single word in reply to his quiet question.

Your silence went on for too long and he looked up into your face. An instant smile lifted at the corner of your lips and you forced it up into your eyes.

“You just slept, Peanut. We—” you had to exhale the breath that you had been holding for too long in your lungs, “we just slept.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Eventual Smut
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers / mention of feet
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

  


Baekhyun was trembling. His hands were actually shaking so much each time he tried to type into the keyboard of his phone he hit the wrong letters and the typos rendered his message impossible for even the autocorrect to guess what he was trying to say.

“Just — ugh — just give me a regular keyboard for fuck’s sake,” he was grumbling to himself, “my hands wont stop shaking. I can’t. I can’t do this.”

He tossed the phone with force away from him and it landed face down on the carpet across the living room.

“No. I refuse,” he was staring over at the phone on the floor with a shell shocked aura about him, “just forget it. I’ve changed my mind. I can’t. I won’t!”

You’d given him a homework assignment an hour ago.

_Ask a girl out on a date._

He’d been sitting on this sofa with his phone in his hands, writing, deleting, rewriting and deleting, again and again, into the text message conversation he had going with Mia.

It had been going pretty well with Mia actually. You’d been handing him the reins more and more and you both celebrated together with a single glass of wine the night he’d had his first actual phone conversation with her. Baekhyun was a lightweight and usually refused to drink more than a few sips of alcohol but he’d gone for the chilled bottle in the fridge and poured it into two glasses and handed one of them to you and lifted his own into the air. He did not wait for you to acknowledge his toast though. He just downed the contents of his glass with a wince on his face in a single go, slammed the empty glass down onto the counter roughly and stormed out of the kitchen toward his bedroom. You sipped your glass and counted it as a shared celebration.

His phone call lasted for 3 minutes and 32 seconds and he managed to tell one awkward joke that elicited audible laughter from the girl. You knew because you sat on the couch beside him with your ear pulled up as close to the phone as you could manage, trying to hear everything that happened. You’d let him know you were here to intervene if something went wrong but honestly you were sure he would do well on his own. And honestly, he was about to do well on his own, despite how awkward and very nervous his voice was.

They had gotten past the introductions at least twice when he briefly forgot what came after “hello” and simply said it a second time. She at least said it twice too and the awkward pause that came after that went on for too long when you held up the index card in your hand and pointed with your finger to the question you had written down.

“Uhh...so h-how...umm...how are — I mean, what are you up to?”

You couldn't make out her response, but whatever she said pulled an interested hum from the back of his throat and he made a quick witted remark that had her giggling in response.

You could definitely make out the sounds of her laughter and you could instantly see the change on his face when it happened. You saw the brightness form inside his eyes and he turned to look at you with a surprised expression as he lifted a finger to point at the phone he held in his hand.

His eyes were wide with something in between amazement and panic and he mouthed the words ‘she’s laughing’ at you and you nodded enthusiastically in response.

Unfortunately a few seconds after the joke he accidentally dropped the phone and it took a wild bounce, landing somewhere under the couch. He couldn’t find it for two whole minutes and when he finally found it, he made up some excuse about having to go because he smelled something burning.

He stared at the phone until the screen turned black and he didn’t move when you rubbed a soothing hand over his back.

“That went pretty good,” you offered. Baekhyun grunted and turned toward the kitchen for the celebratory toast.

Since that night, (you know the one) you’d intentionally taken on a more supportive teacher role in this project. You vowed to keep yourself involved as much as he needed and you swore you could keep your own selfishness from impeding his progress. The way you had been acting had been unfair and he was too good to you for him to deserve anything less than your very best.

You had made a promise to Baekhyun and then you made a promise to yourself to follow through on that promise. You would move Heaven and Earth to help him reach his goal because he deserved it and seeing him happy would be enough to get you through anything that came your way.

You were fine.

No really, you were completely fine.

He was moaning.

You sat on the couch beside him with your foot propped up on the coffee table as you carefully applied the second coat of polish to your toenails. You’d become quite the expert at applying polish to your nails during bumpy situations. Sitting next to the man who flailed and squirmed beside you on this sofa was commonplace and simply no big deal.

You could probably do this during an earthquake.

His moaning turned into much louder moaning and he threw himself back onto the arm of the couch dramatically and in protest of the unfairness of your assignment.

“Buuuug,” he whined through his nose, drawing it out like a little kid.

You’d just finished your pinky toe when his foot pushed up against your thigh.

Your aim was quick and you reached over and grabbed his foot by the heel as you pivoted in place.

“Be still,” you said calmly and you held his foot in place as you applied the bright red polish to his big toenail. You often did his toes to match your own because it made his toes look adorable and he wore socks everywhere he went anyway so he didn’t mind what you did to amuse yourself.

You moved quickly, dabbing carefully over each of his nails until they were all painted to match yours. You blew air over them to dry them, being thankful you’d invested in the 60 second polish.

“Buuu-hu-hu-hu-uuug,” he moaned harder, wiggling his hips into the fit he was throwing and closing his eyes to sell you on the absolute anguish he was in. “Bug, I just don't think I can do it. Can we do something else? I don't even know what to do on a date. What if she says no? Oh god, what if she says yes, I’m going to puke. Do you want to see me puke? Because I am going to puke.”

You tapped a hand lightly over the top of his finished foot and pointed to the other one and after a few moments he shifted, giving in to what you asked for right away.

But good lord, he was dramatic. The whining and the moaning intensified just when you thought you couldn't stand another volume increase he raised his voice into a shout and put actual words to his protests. Your ears were already ringing and you could feel your substantial patience — really, you were on a level with a Buddhist monk after two years living with this — beginning to shake.

“I mean, if I asked you to teach me how to swim would you chuck me into the ocean on the first day?”

You forced your focus down on his other foot, getting the polish smooth and perfect with each stroke. He had gone quiet after his question to you and you bit down on your lip as you carefully pondered the words he was saying. The last thing you wanted was to make him so uncomfortable he was unable to go about his daily life. You didn't need this project to become a source of heartache for the man.

You were not an unreasonable person. Perhaps this really had been too big of a step for him to take without having even practiced under the careful instruction of a teacher.

He’d waited in silence for you to answer for only a few seconds and when you didn’t; because you were thinking about it, dammit, he threw his whole head back and his mouth opened up and he wailed into the ceiling above his head at an even more annoying volume than you thought was possible. This was new and shocking. It was deafening. Surely the neighbors would think someone was being butchered in here.

The awful sounds were coming straight from his diaphragm. The man had power in those pipes and he was going to destroy your ear drums in order to get his way. It went on and on, changing from a moaning, groaning large-dog-with-a-bellyache sound into what you imagined it might sound like inside of an echo chamber trapped with a big sad whale, the biggest ones they made, who also happened to be on fire. He was giving you everything he had now. This was full volume and it was horrible.

“Alright!” You shouted over the wretched screaming, “Alright fine! For the love of God, Baekhyun!” You said for emphasis and the incredible relief of silence flooded and cleansed your ear drums that still vibrated from the after effects of all of that noise.

He lifted his head and closed up his mouth instantly and his eyes were wide as he cautiously watched and waited for what you would say next.

“Do you want me to teach you? Do you think you can practice with me so you learn how to do it before you have to do it for real, on your own? That’s what you mean right? You want more instruction before I throw your ass into the ocean?”

His lips were situated down into a fierce pout now and he nodded his head twice; a big ol’ up and down.

You were irked now. No amount of pathetic pouting on that face could pull you back from the edge. Even the slow careful nod of his head was just an obvious attempt at winning you over with cuteness. Well, it wouldn't work. If anyone was capable of annoying someone to death, it was this man right here and he came very close just now.

“New assignment,” you said with your finger raised and he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth and pushed his top lip forward as he inflated his cheeks into round balloons. He sat up straighter and he waited for you to speak.

“Since I am a woman,” you began with your finger still raised and waving in his direction. His eyes glanced down at it, “you may ask me out on a date, for practice. And if I say yes, we will then—”

Your pointed finger was joined by your whole hand as you opened it up and you waved it through the air twice, a visual representation of cause and effect of such a situation. His eyeballs followed every movement you made, looking at the hand that moved instead of at you, the actual speaker.

His eyes popped up into yours when he registered the words you were saying; the requirements of his new assignment.

“...we will then — well, we will..”

Your words were sticking. He was listening very closely and he’d released the air trapped in his mouth and his lips now hung open as his eyes occasionally followed the waving of your hand in front of his face. It was silly how shifty his focus was when your hand moved in front of him.

“We...will…” he said and his face moved, mirroring the movements of your hand as he tried best to understand the new task you were trying so hard to assign to him, even repeating your words to help you get the next ones out.

“We will go on a date. A real one. A practice date. You will have to take me on a date, Baekhyun. You’ll just have to .. do your best at it.”

“A date? I’ll have to,” he said with a flinching, squinting blink of his eyes, “...do my best?”

“Yes, of course,” you said as you pointed your finger at him again, pulling a swift but deep gasp into your lungs to fight the dizziness you could feel building inside your head, “It’s an assignment. Like school. I will give you a grade on how well you do. If you fail, then it’s over and I’m a terrible teacher and clearly your problems are beyond my area of expertise.”

His polish was dry. This conversation needed to be over because you were weirdly agitated by the wide eyed, deer in the headlights expression stuck on his face.

“I’ll send you some study materials later. You better take this seriously, Byun Baekhyun. This is a real assignment from your real dating teacher.”

The entire situation made you anxious. The desire to flee was very strong. You needed a getaway and you needed it now. You felt a tremble inside that could only be attributed to just how freaked out he had been acting. It was rubbing off on you.

You wanted to make a quick escape but you were now fighting with the many bottles of nail polish scattered across the coffee table; you’d gone through so many of them as you decided on which color to use — they really were just numerous and just everywhere. You grasped at them, trying to grab huge handfuls at one time but your hands couldn't hold as many as you wanted and each attempt sent a bottle or two clattering noisily to the table below. It was really ruining the dramatically cool exit you were trying for.

After quite a bit of noise you felt the warmth of Baekhyun’s arm as he leaned against you and began to help you pick up the bottles; carefully placing each in it’s designated spot in your huge nail polish organizer.

It took a bit of effort for you to turn to look at him and when his fingertips carefully placed the final bottle in the case you clicked the lid closed and finally managed to face him.

His eyes were flighty. His face was flushed and when he met your eyes the smile on his lips was very tense. It looked like a grimace.

You had to be insane to be doing this. Willingly putting yourself into a situation like this with him, a situation that was for instructional purposes only, but a situation nonetheless. Your heart was racing inside of your chest and you briefly wondered if he could hear it with him sitting so close to you.

You swallowed it away, the nerves or the uncertainty or whatever it was that had taken hold of your hands and made them unstable and you turned to look into his face head on.

“Do you understand the assignment?”

Baekhyun filled his lungs with air and straightened his shoulders, pulling them back as his eyes closed up. You recognized the self calming behavior. When he turned to look at you he held a new determination in his eyes and he nodded his head and furrowed his eyebrows.

“I was always a good student,” he said, “I will do my best with this assignment. I’ll take it seriously, so I can learn from you well.”

You reached forward and patted the back of his hand lightly and offered a reassuring smile.

“Don't be too nervous, okay? Remember it’s for class so you should learn from it. Mistakes are natural and they help us grow. And you won’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I mean it.”

He swallowed and his lips flattened out into a thin line across his face. His head bobbed up and down and he hummed out a response that told you that yes, he did know what was expected of him for the sake of the lesson; for the sake of his future as an adult man who was entering the dating pool in search of the companionship of some lucky lady.

“Also remember, it’s just me. No pressure. Okay, Peanut? I’m here to help you. You could spill an entire cup of iced tea down my dress at dinner and I would still forgive you.”

“No pressure,” he repeated under his breath and when you were finally satisfied that he really understood, you stood, hefting your manicure supplies up with both hands and you stepped away from the living room to return them to your bathroom.

“Do I have a deadline?” He called after you and you turned back with your hand on the doorknob to your room, quietly amused by the seriousness you saw on his face. At the same time, proud of what a good student he was. He was a smart boy, he would do well in anything he was determined to do.

“Ask me out by tomorrow or else Ben might beat you to it.”

You figured a little sense of competition couldn't hurt. And yes, you were still actually speaking regularly with Ben. You were pleasantly surprised with how smart and how funny he turned out to be and he turned out to be a pretty good distraction for the evenings when you’d normally be bored and hanging around in Baekhyun’s room while he played some game on his PC and he’s toss you a remote for the screen that hung up on the wall above his head. You’d play music videos, or cooking videos from YouTube, or some drama or variety shows and he’d play his games and lean far back in his chair watching the screen when exciting things happened on screen.

A few times lately though, when you went into his room you’d find him watching some anime and you just knew he’d want to pay close attention so he could discuss it later with Mia. You’d much rather find someone to entertain you alone so you didn’t have to be ignored or shushed when you interrupted his anime with some stupid question about it, like who is that guy with the crazy eyes and why is he trying to kill everybody. Ben’s conversations were good enough to keep you occupied at least a little bit.

Back in your bedroom you got to work searching for materials for Baekhyun to study. Mostly using helpful YouTube videos with titles such as “how to ask a girl out”, “what to talk about on a first date” and a super helpful online book you found called The Gentleman’s Guide: How to be the Perfect Date. It was just a little outdated with the styles but the book was extensive and ran the gamut from hygiene to manners to confidence and conversation; it even had an entire section called The Art of Subtle Seduction and it made you just a little embarrassed to think of Baekhyun reading this part. He was an adult. He could handle this much. The Dos and Don'ts of a First Date section alone was worth the price you paid for the book.

You wrote up an email with your course materials and sent it off to the man.

Then you sat and waited alone in your bedroom until your level of boredom that in any other situation would be unremarkable, when combined with the built up anticipation inside of you, mixed into a perfect storm of swirling lunacy that was bouncing around inside of you; trying to break free and wreak havoc on something other than your chest walls.

You grabbed your cell phone, slipped by the 2 waiting text messages from Ben that you would absolutely get to later, and opened a new text message to Baekhyun.

‘ _peanut did you get my email ^^?’_

You were sure he did. Of course he did. You wondered if there was anything he found lacking in the pages and pages of super helpful information you sent him. You wondered what he thought about it all and maybe if he needed some guidance or suggestions on how to proceed with the first step of his assignment. Did he need you to come over to his bedroom and watch the videos with him? Would that be too awkward?

Your phone vibrated.

‘ _yep_ ’

He would ask for help if he needed it, you were certain. He would be fine. This wasn’t real anyway. It wasn’t like there was an actual deadline, not really. You enjoyed talking with Ben but it didn’t seem like he was close to asking you out yet. He had been a bit busy lately and you had been busy as well with work and with helping Baekhyun.

You’d seen from the notification preview on your phone that Ben’s last two messages were asking you something that would take a while to explain and you didn’t want to open them yet in case he’d been expecting you to reply quickly. You needed a bit more time to come up with an answer for the questions he had casually asked about your roommate. You’d tell Ben that Baekhyun was, yes, a guy. And no, it wasn’t awkward living with a man.

You’d get to all that later. Now, you were entirely too keyed up about a problem of your very own creation.

 _When_.

But really...

When?

You could not relax. Because honestly it could happen at any moment. He could come barging into your room, plop his ass down unceremoniously on your bed and say “Hey Doll, hows about you and me go on a hot date this weekend, what about it? Nyeeahhh?” Like some sort of 1940s gangster. You could definitely see Baekhyun doing this accent. You were pretty sure he had a 40s gangster hat in his closet.

You’d decided that you wouldn't give him a hard time about how he asked you. You’d accept right away for the sake of his nerves, if he worked up the courage to ask you at all, then he was on the right track and he deserved an E for effort.

You still had trouble with the anticipation. Not knowing when was the hardest part to handle. You tried your very best to go about your day in as normal a way possible. Sure, you jumped every time you heard a sound, but other than that, it felt like any other day.

He spent the rest of the evening in his room and didn't even come out until you heard the doorbell ring. You peaked your head out of your bedroom door and waited for him to answer it but after a few minutes with no sight of him you stepped out. The doorbell rang a second time and you rushed from your room to answer it before the visitor gave up.

It could have been something important. This building had a doorman so it was usually someone who had a purpose ringing the bell.

The view through the camera monitor showed a run of the mill pizza delivery man, and you remembered that it was Baekhyun’s turn to make dinner tonight. He must have ordered you a pizza so he could hide in his room all night and not have to worry about walking around you in the kitchen and not asking you out on a date.

This was his way of avoiding you for the night.

You had to swallow down the flash of silly disappointment that popped up. You’d assumed correctly that he had already paid for the pizza and you received your cardboard box of loneliness with a polite smile for the weirdly cheerful delivery kid.

You gave a quick glance at the label in the front of the box to check for forbidden toppings just in case he’d forgotten who he was avoiding tonight and put something weird on it like corn and mayo or hot peppers. 

The label had four lines of ingredients listed, the first said ‘xtra cheese’ and each additional one after that said ‘xtra cheese.’ Nothing else, just ‘xtra cheese’ listed four times in succession.

What in the world?

You briefly considered a malfunction of the pizza shop’s label maker, but boy was this thing heavy. Did he sneeze while selecting toppings and accidentally hit the option four times?

You set the monster down on the counter and lifted the lid. It was steaming hot despite the trip in the car and up the elevators to your door and as soon as you opened it you noticed the odd appearance of the inside lid.

There was a message handwritten with black marker inside of the lid.

Your stomach leapt up into your throat as you recognized what this was. The message started with the word Bug.

You had to cover your mouth to get through this.

> _Bug,_

> _I know this is really, really, really, really cheesy, but will you go out on a date with me this Saturday?_

> _Knock thrice on my door for yes._

> _-Peanut_

> _P.S. Did I beat Ben?_

You had to hang your head to contain it. You wanted to scream. Giggles actually burst out of your mouth before you could stop them. You were highly amused. Actually reallly fucking impressed and goddammit you felt a genuine flutter of butterflies inside of your stomach. How was he this clever? He had always been very silly and good at thinking of the most ridiculous scenarios to get things done, but wow. When you lifted the lid once more to read his message again your mind spun with the logistics of that man in that bedroom sneakily ordering this thing from a real pizza shop that was probably a block from your home.

Did he call them and explain the situation? Did all of the employees gather around, chanting ‘More cheese! Give the man more cheese!’ As they loaded this pizza up with what looked to be a full inch of melted cheese on top? It compromised the edges of the crust and flowed over the cardboard below. It was absolutely ridiculous and nearly inedible too.

Did they giggle at the pet names you called each other as they selected the employee with the best handwriting to relay his message?

You were buzzing again. This time it was pride. He was brilliant at everything he put his mind to and this was clearly no exception. He would do so well in his life.

You left the kitchen and made your way toward his closed bedroom door. As you came close you heard a very soft thud; wooden door hitting wooden door frame. The movement was hardly noticeable but you could see a slow turn of the doorknob too. He probably thought he was sneaky.

You lifted your closed fist and quietly hit three times against his door and after exactly ten seconds you heard the squeak of his doorknob turning and his bedroom door opened up an inch.

You saw a single brown eyeball peeping at you through the opening.

“I’ll text you the details later,” he whispered and the door closed up again before you could respond.

The details came by text message a day later, just as he promised. It was a Thursday afternoon when your phone buzzed and you’d just put the final touches on your data entry work for the day, running it through a spell checker for mistakes as you always did. You’d expected to hear from Ben by now, he said he had something to go straighten out at the bank. He’d taken it well, finding out that your roommate was a man around your age, and he didn’t even ask too many prodding questions about him.

The message was from Baekhyun with the time he would ‘arrive’ to pick you up on Saturday and he gave you sparse details about what he actually had planned; just a quick note at the end that he would be wearing a suit. You figured this was a hint for you to dress up as well.

Was Baekhyun taking you some place fancy? Your curiosity was positively burning and Baekhyun had been acting super weird around you lately.

Whenever you’d come into a room he was already occupying he would make up some excuse why he had to leave it and vanish inside his room to carry on with his highly secretive behavior. Whenever you went into his room he would spin in his chair toward the door with what you were positive was a caught red handed look on his face. It was like you had just caught him watching porn, only you’d caught glimpses of his screen before he quickly hit a keyboard command to clear out the screen and you didn't see a single boob.

After the first time, you’d made it a point to barge into his room often, just to see the surprised look on his face; you did it all for that gasp of air, the frantic fingers of panic on the keyboard, and the trembling hand over his chest as he clutched his pearls. All you caught flashes of were just regular looking websites. Regular text and regular pictures. You saw some blues, you saw some greens. You definitely didn't see the incriminating black and yellow theme of everyone’s favorite adult website. There was nary a penetrative moan to be heard through his speakers. The entire thing brought you great joy. The man was acting so odd and honestly he was getting your hopes up for a fantastically mind blowing date on Saturday. You’d already picked out your dress, heels, and jewelry and had been having a very hard time tolerating the ever so tedious passage of time.

By the time Saturday rolled around you were a wreck of nerves; though you weren’t exactly sure why you were so anxious. It was probably his recent fretting and obsessive preparations that had rubbed off on you. You’d decided to take it easier on him today. He’d obviously been working very hard on this assignment once given the dangling carrot of a good grade to be awarded at the end and if there was one thing you knew about Baekhyun, it was how much he strived to achieve perfection in his academic performance. You’d provided the materials. He’d obviously been studying and go-time was quickly approaching.

You took your time getting ready, soaking in your bathtub to kill some of the dull waiting hours before he was due to pick you up. By the time you were scrubbed, rinsed, shaved, moisturized, plucked, preened, coiffed, and scented to your satisfaction, you had only a half an hour to slip up the straps on the fancy fitted cocktail dress and check your reflection in the full length mirror. It was fitted and had a deep plunging neckline. It accentuated the best parts of your figure and the high slit that landed over your upper thigh showed just enough skin to make you feel sexy.

With your heels you were ready to go; feeling about as pretty as you had in a long while. The silliest little fantasy swam through your head as you spun in front of the mirror and it brought just a little warmth to your cheeks as you allowed it to play out. The idea that he would find you so lovely, so irresistible, that even the iron willed man with his self control like a steel trap would lose himself in the slow blinks of your lashes and drown in the pools of your eyes for just one night.

When you lightly slapped a palm over your cheek, it was to ground yourself. This was fake. Everything that happened tonight would be the result of careful calculations and applications of behaviors modeled in text books that he had studied all week long. It was a date with Baekhyun, but it wouldn't really be an accurate representation of the Baekhyun that you know so well.

You knew he would follow a script. He would perform as a perfect gentleman and you would play along, knowing that when he brought you home you would get a gentle hug and a thanks for sharing your knowledge with him and you would close your bedroom door and he would return to his bedroom door and life as you know it would simply fall back into place as it should remain unchanged for however long it took for you to get back on your feet, perhaps get a place of your own not too far away from him; although this neighborhood was very expensive, you’d settle for one or two subways stops away if it meant you could visit your best friend often and see him living out the life he deserved with someone who was worthy of his love.

Tonight, you will enjoy. But you would not allow your emotions to betray your rational mind. You would enjoy it and then it would be over and Baekhyun would have the skill set to ask out Mia, or whoever else he set his mind on asking out.

Your quiet self assurance was interrupted by two soft knocks on your bedroom door and your hands were trembling as you grabbed your handbag that had your cell phone, a tube of lipstick for touch-ups and a few just in case items you were always taught to carry with you, you know, just in case.

You’d reached the door and swung it open with a beaming smile on your face.

Your date was here. Baekhyun was here. It was Peanut.

A smile that quickly transformed into what you were sure was a gaping opening in your face resembling some aquatic animal and you found yourself gazing upon, frankly, an expertly styled exquisitely handsome real life man, who was wearing Byun Baekhyun’s face and smile.

Despite seeing him standing before you with your own two eyes, your brain was having trouble reconciling the two; your harmless roommate and the man who stood before you wearing a crisp suit jacket that he filled out shockingly well, a fashionable collarless dress shirt that looked like it came from some fancy boutique from downtown, fitted dress slacks that you tried your best not to linger on for too long, and were his shoes Italian? You were pretty sure they were Italian. More than just the clothes, his hair was different. He’d gone and had something done to his hair! Lord, you saw slight waves and a deliberate styling by an expert hand with just a bit of his forehead visible. Oh he looked so lovely with this hair style.

You remembered to close your mouth, but only after the realization dawning on you that he hadn’t said anything to you as you silently admired how beautiful he looked standing in his fancy suit looking like at least a million bucks.

You knew...you knew he was an attractive man. You’d have plenty of glimpses of it again and again, freshly reminded of it during that photo shoot late that night. You’d even known he worked out and had had plenty of chances to ogle the muscles on his arms and chest when he just woke up and would wander out shirtless for a drink of water. You knew that the entire shape of this man was the kind of handsome that you had to make conscious decisions to ignore. You’d forced yourself to look away plenty of times in the past. Still, the Baekhyun who stood here today, the one who had his lips parted as he stared into your eyes now after what you were certain was a head to toe, slow as hell, full body appreciation of all of your preparations to get ready for tonight, this Baekhyun was, for lack of a better word, he was sexy as all hell.

For the first time since you began this project; these lessons in dating, you felt like you might actually be in some sort of trouble.

Baekhyun spoke at last and it was the softest whisper. He said your name. Not Bug, not stupid or dummy or stinky which he called you sometimes even though you knew, you fucking knew you always smelled amazing. You went out of your way to smell great. The sound of your name on his voice softened the shock in your face and you felt a smile pull at your lips.

And so you smiled at him and watched the slow but complete smile that manifested on his pretty face. 

“Hi,” he said with a blink of his bright eyes.

“Hi Baek,” you said. Your heart was racing.

He pivoted on his (Italian!) shoes and extended a bent elbow toward you and you slipped a hand around his arm.

He was doing so well. Each step you took through your shared home felt new. You had a hard time keeping from watching the side of his face and each glance you made was greeted with the light touch of his eyes as he met your eyes with his own.

Moments blurred. He ticked all the boxes, of course. He opened your door, closed it quietly behind you once you were inside. Even helped you with the seatbelt, much to the dismay of your racing heartbeat when he reached over to pull the red strap across you, careful to keep his hands well away from touching any of your actual body as he did it. The true devastation hit you when, all closed up inside the dark car in the silent moments before he started the engine and the intoxicating smell of him reached your nose.

This was a new smell. Baekhyun had gone to the salon, gone shopping for expensive new clothes, and was also wearing what had to be the best smelling cologne you had ever experienced in person.

“You smell really good,” you said without looking at him and your fingers fidgeted with the strap of your handbag to keep your mind working.

“So do you,” he said followed by an inhale that you were certain sounded just a little thready and he was steering the car through lanes and turns of a parking garage to exit the building.

His destination was the kind of fancy dream-like restaurant that you saw only in movies. The sun would be setting soon and you were led to a rooftop terrace with a view over the city and a single table set for two. You followed the pleasantly clean woman and lingering just behind you, Baekhyun silently fell behind one or two steps. A glance behind woke him up from whatever daze he’d fallen into and he closed the distance with two larger steps and a shy smile on his lips.

The waitstaff worked like ninjas. Glasses were refilled as if by magic and course after course of delicious food appeared before you as you watched the sunset over the horizon and when the light faded enough, the soft glow of twinkle lights illuminated the view around you.

The dinner was delicious and the scenery was breathtaking and that alone would have given him full marks for such a lovely evening out, but Byun Baekhyun was proving to be an overachiever as he started to talk to you. He was asking you open-ended questions, pulling conversation easily from you and you found yourself giggling and laughing as he joked in response or told you some funny anecdotes from his childhood that he knew you would love.

By the time dessert arrived you were pretty certain you were drunk despite half of the wine that remained back in your glass. Baekhyun, ever the stickler for vehicle safety had stuck to soft drinks and when he excused himself for the restrooms, you waited patiently under the glowing lights as you daydreamed about the genuine brightness you were certain you saw in his smiles. Had the twinkle in his eyes been just a reflection of this place? Everything about him tonight felt so real. You’d read through the same book he read through and you couldn’t recall him using a single recycled phrase or conversation point during dinner.

Maybe he was just that good of a student.

A noise startled you from behind and you jumped when a single red rose was laid on the table in front of you.

A rose. Baekhyun had brought you back a rose from somewhere; maybe he stole it from the elaborate flower arrangements you passed on the way in.

“Where did you get this?” You mused as you smelled his sweet offering and he shrugged and tugged at the top button of his shirt, undoing it and slipping slim fingers down to undo the second button as well. Your eyes watched the action and weirdly the fragrance from the rose smelled sweeter than the first time you smelled it.

“I just had it,” he said cryptically with another charming and blinding smile. 

“Ready to go? We have one more place to visit.”

The next place he took you was even more magical than the fancy restaurant. The parking lot was nearly empty and when he opened your door he was fussing around with a small bag in the backseat of his car. He pulled out a pair of black ballet flats and you watched in awe as the man actually kneeled down on the pavement in front of you to carefully slip your heels off of your feet and slip on the comfortable shoes. 

While they did not look anywhere near as sexy as the heels did, you instantly understood the need for a change.

Baekhyun had brought you to an aquarium with what looked like miles and miles of indoor and outdoor paths to walk through with tunnels traveling through the biggest tanks of aquatic sea life you’d ever seen.

You were instantly hypnotized by the deep sea exhibits that seemed to take you for miles and miles below the surface of the ocean where the sea life grew weirder and the lighting grew darker and dimmer the further down you traveled. Here at depths difficult to wrap your brain around the fish and sea creatures have adapted to freezing waters and a bleak existence without any light at all. Many had their own light sources. The bioluminescent exhibits sparkled and twinkled like the stars in the sky out in the country. You saw entire universes all around you.

Baekhyun was as enraptured as you were and spent his time carefully reading each exhibit’s information card out loud as he stared with his mouth open in awe at the different creatures. There were hundreds of different species of fishes, beautiful ones and downright creepy ugly things from the very bottom of the oceans; endangered species too; the sleepy eyes of the sea turtles were your favorites and the impressions Baekhyun made of their swimming faces made you cackle with laughter. Bright lights illuminated meters of corals of all shapes, sizes, and colors, and you honestly felt like you’d entered another planet when you both walked into the jellyfish halls.

They glowed and flowed, bounced and danced, and moved like a dream. You found yourself hypnotized as you stared at the biggest tank full of them for long enough for Baekhyun to make three circles around waiting for you to follow him out of this room so he could go see the sharks. 

You knew the sharks were coming. You’d had a look at the map. And while you didn't necessarily dislike them, their huge sizes and razor sharp teeth always gave you the heebie-jeebies. The jellies were just so comfortable to look at and so relaxing.

It took some coaxing from Baekhyun, and maybe even a little tiny push at the back of your shoulders to get your feet to move and you lingered a bit long in the dark hallway that connects the two exhibits.

You just felt that maybe, the sharks could wait just a little bit longer to meet you.

He’d noticed right away and you opened up your eyes that you’d closed up for a little relaxing session when you felt the tips of his fingers running along the palm of your hand.

He gripped lightly at first, and then shifted your hand within his and he began walking forward in that dark hallway with you trailing behind him.

Baekhyun touched you sometimes. This was something that he did, on occasion. During a scary movie when you’d jumped too many times, or when you both walked through a crowded place and he didn't want you to wander off, he would occasionally hold your hand. This wasn’t something new to you.

However your heart was beating hard in your chest and the warmth of his hand coupled with the firmness with which he held you felt so damn nice you were having trouble focusing on anything else except for your own shallow breathing and racing heartbeat — and his hand holding yours.

Sharks swam at a gentle languid pace. Clearly at ease and very well fed here in their homes, there didn't seem to be very much murder and feasting happening at all. Hammerheads, tiger sharks, something uglier than any other creature you had ever seen that came from _The Midnight Zone_ of the deepest parts and with each creature that swam overhead, or beside you, or creeped up from somewhere behind you, Baekhyun would turn to face you and take two or three steps backwards as he pulled you through it, your hand held securely inside of his. He would smile at you that debilitating smile, and tilt his head and call you a scary cat or a big baby and you would laugh and roll your eyes and deny that you were even a little bit scared of anything at all.

All was going well. You were very well taken care of and felt very secure inside this tiny tunnel at the bottom fo the ocean and you’d noticed this time when Baekhyun had turned around to look at you with a bright smile that smile wavered just a touch and his eyes seemed to focus on something that was coming up from behind.

Your curiosity got the better of you and you turned to see what he saw.

Baekhyun moved quickly then, moving both of his hands up to reach for your face he pulled your head forward and moved his own face close to yours. You felt the warmth of his forehead lean against yours for a moment and you could not see around or behind you with his hands placed so carefully on the sides of your head like this.

You knew what it was. It had to be something huge and terrifying, maybe even something with fresh blood still on it’s teeth. A Great White. The giant monster from the movie Jaws that you had watched with him once not realizing just how scary it would be and you spent most of the film curled up under his arm wincing at the horrors you saw on the screen.

“Hey Peanut,” you said softly while looking up close into his eyes. He was so close you could feel the warmth of his breath on your face. His smell, that new smell of his smelled even better this close to his skin.

“Hey LoveBug,” he said with a gentle smile and you knew based on the use of this carefully reserved nickname for emergencies that it was exactly as you had feared. A Great White, chomping on the remains of the cutest crying baby penguin. The fluffiest one with its whole life ahead of it.

Baekhyun was safe though. Baekhyun was warm and he was here to protect you. You would be okay, you knew it.

“Is it gone yet?” You asked after what felt like the average time for a fish that size to swim away and you noticed something. It was a look, just a glance. Baekhyun’s eyes floated a bit and the warm breath you felt coming from him was delivered in quicker puffs through his parted lips.

When he licked his lips, you could not help it, your eyes caught the motion as his tongue ran over his bottom lip and left wetness behind and by the time you realized what you had done — where you had looked — you had already done it, your stubborn eyes had already looked and in your mind a vivid replay was happening. You felt too much. This was too much. This was supposed to be fake. Why did he have to smell so fucking good and why was he so aware of every tiny detail about you he knew when something would overwhelm you and ruin your mood, so he used his own body to shield you from it and protect you. You cautiously pulled your eyes back up only to find him blinking too fast and he was dropping his hands from your face as he took a step back and away from the stifling closeness.

You were dizzy. You felt it all over. Your heart was racing and the warmth you felt traveling through your body sent waves through you. You had to rub lightly over your forearms to smooth out the goosebumps and Baekhyun was no longer facing you, but was staring off into the literal depths of the cold black ocean and you took a while to recover enough to walk by him toward the exit of the aquarium and back into the darkened city streets you knew as the real world.

The walk back to the car was quiet and had an odd flavor about it. You both could feel the end coming. It had been a wonderful date. You’d spent hours, just the two of you talking and laughing and exploring literally new worlds you hadn’t before experienced. You felt a sudden but definite melancholy to see the fancy circles that made up the logo of his car. 

“Hey, you want to take a walk?” Baekhyun’s voice halted your steps and you turned back to see him standing with a hand in his pocket, fidgeting in hidden, likely with the key fob to his car, and a new sort of nervous flush on his cheeks that you hadn’t seen since he first showed up at your bedroom door looking like a dashing Prince Charming ready to sweep you off your feet.

“Sure,” you said, meaning every bit of it and secretly extremely thankful that this evening wasn’t over yet.

The walk was peaceful. It was a bit chilly tonight and you didn’t even resist when you felt the warmth of the coat jacket he placed over your shoulders. You thought you’d become used to the smell of him by now, but clearly you were incapable of ever getting used to his smell.

The streets were mostly empty now that the night had grown stale and you walked side by side passing various touristy shops that had long since closed up for the evening. Ahead you could see a small street side cafe that sold warm teas and coffees and Baekhyun was pulling out his wallet before you even had the chance to look at him with hopeful delight all over your face. He ordered two hot coffees and you danced and celebrated when he handed the first one to you.

It warmed you from the inside and you paid no mind to the smudges of lipstick all over the white lid of your cup. The hot drink made you happy and you could see your breath like a dragon in the chilly night air around you. Each puff made Baekhyun smile and when he’d taken a particularly big drink from his cup he pulled his head back and puffed out three perfectly formed rings of warm air into the color air above his head. The rings grew and then faded quickly but you were so excited to see his trick that you made him do it again and again until he was puffing and out of breath and laughing too much for any more cool rings to form. This man was full of secrets. Absolutely full of them!

The night was winding on. You could feel the lateness in your limbs and you’d long since finished your drinks and dropped your paper cups into a street side trash can. Your feet, you found were protesting. It wasn’t that they ached or hurt or anything like that. You weren't even that tired. You were just having trouble with the idea of this ending and the night being over.

Everything had to end eventually. You didn't even pout at all when he pulled open your door. You just climbed in and sat down, fastening your own seatbelt this time with a sense of finality looming in your mind along with a wagging finger that quietly scolded you for letting your guard down during this date.

The drive back home was quiet. He didn't even turn on the radio and even though he drove with one hand, he held his other hand firm atop his thigh.

The small touches and stolen glances were over. The date was over. He had done very well. You were thoroughly swept off your feet and his grade would be an A+. You would go back to your room and go to sleep and tomorrow morning when you woke up you’d find him back to his usual antics and maybe, maybe you’d even get him to ask Mia out on a date.

You swallowed the dryness in your throat and the familiar landmarks outside your apartment building called you back home. Baekhyun pulled into the parking garage and you did not wait for him to round the hood of the car to reach your door, you simply opened it yourself and pushed through it.

Baekhyun did well. You had given him a task and he’d done it. He deserved all the praise and recognition for a job well done. He’d taken it seriously just as he said he would. This dark mood that had suddenly come over you could not show. You shouldn’t do this to him.

You cared for him too much to ruin this sweet evening.

You loved him too much. This quiet secret usually echoed around inside of your heart and you winced to hear it peaking it’s way up into your running thoughts.

The apartment was dark and you walked through it easily, knowing exactly where you could walk without bumping into anything and he didn’t turn on any lights as he walked closely behind you. He hadn’t said anything to you on the drive home, nor did he speak right now as he walked you back to your bedroom door where he had picked you up.

You turned to face him now. You pushed a smile up to your lips and his face was mostly in the darkness, barely lit with the city lights from the window. 

“Thank you for a lovely evening, Baekhyun. It was perfect. You were perfect. Seriously, you are amazing.”

You leaned before he did and you felt the staggered response from his limbs as he wrapped both of his arms around your shoulders for the hug.

“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” he whispered against your ear and when you pulled out of the hug, your small smile was not returned. You could see enough of his face to see that he did not smile at you now.

Your hand was on your door and you turned and stepped inside, thankful that you had left your small table lamp on. The room was warm and inviting and you closed the door behind you with a soft click that sounded exactly like clapperboard snapped to signal the end of a movie scene. You could almost hear a director somewhere yelling _cut_. Everybody clapped for the job well done. All the actors could now go home. It was over.

Your shoes were off. You’d pulled off the earrings and had taken off your necklace and the delicate tennis bracelet’s clasp was so tiny you had to try a few times to get it open so you could take it off.

When you reached up to slip the strap of your dress off your shoulders a tiny sound interrupted you. It was almost like a knocking, but it was so soft you had to listen carefully to hear if it repeated again.

It did not, but you could not shake that feeling that it had happened and out of genuine curiosity you walked across your bedroom and pulled your bedroom door open.

Someone was there; Baekhyun was there, standing in nearly the exact same position as he had been, wearing the same clothes. The only difference was the sight mess to his hair and the definite pink shade you saw on his face even in the dim lighting from the windows.

“Peanut?” You couldn’t imagine what this was. He was finished. The assignment was finished and he had done perfectly, you’d said so already...but, his eyes. You caught that same look that you’d seen on him many times before. It was a look of hard determination that propelled him forward when he dove into some new and difficult project he had to master. If you had to give it a name, you’d call it his passion. The passion he had inside of him to do things right. To be perfect.

“I said I would take it seriously,” he said in a well controlled voice and you shook your head, not understanding what he meant. Did he have some regrets about how the night went? Did he feel that he had somehow failed to live up to the requirements you’d set forth for him as his teacher?

“The date, I told you I would.” He wasn't clarifying anything with his words.

It was then that he moved.

His hands were up and Baekhyun took a step closer to where you stood confused and surprised at the threshold of your bedroom door. He reached for you with both hands and you felt the warmth of his palms on your cheeks at the same time as you felt the exhale from his parted lips against your mouth. It happened in a single moment. His lips connected with yours and you gasped in a surprised breath. Baekhyun kissed you. His lips were on yours and he held your face tightly between both of his hands as he did it. This was it. This was his goodnight kiss at your front door. This was the end of the date.

You could just make out the ultra up close view of him, his fluffed up hair, the smoothness of his forehead, his eyes closed up tight and dark eyelashes spread over his cheeks and it was all a big blur and so you closed your eyes and your heart raged noisily inside of your chest with the sudden need you felt for this to happen.

Your own lips parted and you felt the tilt of his head as his bottom lip pushed out slipping perfectly between your own and you could not stop it. You could not control the tightness with which your hands clung to the cotton of his dress shirt and pulled him toward you. You could not contain the way his tongue brushed lightly against your own and the way you reacted to it. The light moan that escaped from your throat and bounced around inside of his mouth. The light draw you felt on your lip as he pulled lightly and sucked on your lip as he did it. The final pull was him pulling away.

He ended the kiss with a step backward and a drop of his hands from your face.

He had kissed you and you most definitely had kissed him back. The labored breathing you struggled to contain did nothing for the dizziness. 

“Goodnight,” he said with a roughness on his voice; plus the blown out look in his eyes was telling you of many forbidden things that he was running from now. Things that even he knew were a very bad idea.

This had been fake. This was supposed to be a lesson.

You stood at your doorway and watched him disappear into his bedroom and after standing frozen in your doorway you had no choice but to return to the quiet glowing comfort of your own bedroom and close your door too.

Your hands were shaking and you felt the trembling all over you as you looked around at the place you called home. The place you loved more than anything in the world except for maybe that man who was likely facing a very similar struggle behind his own closed bedroom door.

The only difference was just how much you had to lose if you gave in.

You loved him. You knew it deep down inside of your soul. It had been buried for so long deep in the frozen depths of your ocean that you thought it would never surface and consume you, yet now you knew you’d been a fool.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Angst / Eventual Smut
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers / UST
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

  


Fuck it. You wanted to quit.

You wanted to quit.

Your insides were a mess. Your sleep had been a mess. Your mood, an even bigger mess.

You’d already quit on the idea of sleep sometime around 4am when your eyes popped open for the twelfth time that night.

What was the problem? What was your problem, really?

You knew what it was.

It was too quiet.

There was a thick, oppressive, suffocating, pervasive silence in this apartment and it was making you lose your mind.

Until now you hadn’t realized how used to his noise you’d become. What if the constant and never ending hum of his racket behind that wall was what you actually needed to sleep? What if you’d fallen asleep on the rattling train tracks for too many months in a row and now you simply were unable to sleep peacefully unless you could hear him awake or singing or gaming or typing or hammering on the other side of that wall? Baekhyun thundered in everything he did. Why the hell was he so quiet?

Baekhyun hadn’t made a single sound since...since he said _goodnight_.

And you, you hadn’t made a single sound since that shameful sound that escaped when he’d kissed you. You moaned! Oh God. Your body was on fire. Maybe you could just let it happen. You would lay here and burn alive, the mattress would catch and then the curtains and then the entire building would go up in flames. You wouldn't have to face your embarrassment if there were no survivors, right?

You wanted to quit.

You’d simply pack up a bag and leave, quit living here and quit using him so selfishly, quit your dead end job, quit being his dating teacher, quit trying to hook him up with her.

 _Mia_.

Your jaw clenched so hard your ears ached.

God. She was so perfect for him. You’d paid such close attention to finding someone who would absolutely deserve to win his heart with her intelligence and her experience and her charm. She would be able to play online games with him without getting stuck in a corner and then getting killed from behind. She would actually be useful in the game without getting confused and accidentally killing him when she hit the wrong button. She wouldn't make him explain the instructions again and again in simpler and simpler terms until the frustration mounted on his voice and he gave up with a defeated ‘ _just try to stay alive.’_

She would know exactly what themes and tropes he was talking about when he ranted about some show he’d been marathoning all night and she’d discuss these things with him at length, offering insights of her own and opening lines of discussion that you never could. She had a good job and good connections and she was everything — she was everything you’d thought he needed in his life.

Why did it burn so much? You pounded your fist roughly over your chest plate. It didn't help one bit.

Your phone hummed with a good morning text from Ben.

You liked Ben. He was at least a reliable distraction. He was an early riser and he wasn't shy about texting you first or double texting you sometimes. He never gave you grief about taking too long to reply to him and you could tell that he was respectful, understanding, and kind hearted.

He was careful with his words as well, answering your questions with well-thought responses. You’d asked him an innocent hypothetical question last night; just to see what he would say. He’d responded that he would take you to see a movie as a first date. A movie and dinner. It was an expected response and you couldn’t shake the slight disappointment at how reliable and so very predictable this man was turning out to be. But really, what else did two people who didn't know each other very well at all do for a first date. He didn't know a thing about what interested you. You didn't know what he liked to do for fun. Maybe the man liked being boring for fun. Maybe he was a risk analyst for his job and enjoyed a quiet life of safe unpredictability for funsies.

It was morning time now. Not too early for a casual acquaintance to text you but too late for you to still be laying around in bed on a Sunday when you knew you had to be up and out in that kitchen to start prepping for lunch with Baekhyun’s grandmother. It had been 2 weeks since she last came to visit with her “sweet son.”

At first, Baekhyun did most of the preparations alone but gradually, as you settled in here, you just couldn’t see leaving him to do it all on his own. It was a sort of tradition now. Every other Sunday with the three of you and some deliciously comforting homemade meal set on the table and the sounds of a baseball game playing on the big tv. Sometimes she smiled at you as you painted her fingernails or brushed her hair. Sometimes she looked into your eyes with utter confusion, asking who you were, but most of the time she just watched you silently. It was okay. You smiled brightly with her hand in yours or blotting a napkin to her lips to wipe the spilled tea and you reintroduced yourself every time she asked. Her eyebrows would lift up in surprise whenever Baekhyun called out ‘ _Bug, Bug, it’s ready,_ ’ from the kitchen with a hot pot of bubbling soup and you rushed to place the trivet on the table.

You’d already showered and got dressed for the day hours ago. Outside you looked well put together; pretty, even, in the right lighting and perhaps to the right pair of eyes — _beautiful_.

You’d obsessed plenty in the early pre-sun hours. You’d already been over it, again and again. The first hour had been spent reliving the evening. The perfect date with Byun Baekhyun. You’d even, much to your own horror, concealed a genuine squeal of delight into your pillow when the emotions grew to unbearable levels. It was the details.

The details were the hardest to stand — the dinner as you watched the sunset; you’d often stepped out alone onto the terrace to watch the sunset at home. Your bedroom window faced west and it was genuinely your favorite time of day; when everything began winding down for the evening and the last bits of sunlight disappeared and the city lights began to twinkle on slowly — actual magic. And the fragrant rose at dinner; it was such a cliche but it took you so much by surprise; you couldn't understand why you hadn’t expected it. Of course he would have read about flowers in the book. Of course he knew roses were a classic choice.

He’d taken you to the aquarium, a place you’d mentioned to him dreamily in passing last year about wanting to visit one day. But, you’d never gotten the opportunity to go and you simply forgot about it. Plus, you didn't even think he had been paying attention at the time and yet he’d arranged to go with you and had even brought along a change of shoes for you. It all felt so calculated and deliberate you wondered just how extensive the textbook and materials you had sent him had been. Everything about the date felt like a distant dream and the more you thought about it the less and less real it actually felt.

The second hour was dedicated almost exclusively to the kiss — shame and confusion, school-girl giddiness briefly, before more shame and more confusion. What did it mean? What did this all mean? Was it fake? Was it real? How did he know how to kiss so well when you were solidly sure he had close to zero experience doing it? Had that really been him or had you played such an active role in that kiss that your lips had done most of the work and he’d just been pulled along for the ride? These sorts of questions plagued you again and again and your mind eventually settled on his secret confession pulled from his sleepy lips a few nights ago.

Baekhyun thought you were beautiful. But what of it? When you did your hair and makeup and put on a pretty dress you also found that you looked quite good. You could clean up well just as most people could. That didn't necessarily mean anything, right? You’d given him a task and he’d done it well and that didn't mean anything...right?

You’d pulled your phone out and gone through your facebook, looking through old friends pages who had always caught your eye.

Jun; he was very handsome. He was tall and he was nice to you in school and you’d even acknowledged many times how attractive you found him. And when given the opportunity, when he was single and you had been single you’d even gone so far as to share a meal with him. But that was it. He was handsome, but that was it.

You found through your friends, several of these situations: Chan, Lee, Hyuk; several of these very handsome, attractive men who, despite their looks, you were simply not drawn to. On the surface, yes, but as you got to know them and more and more of their little quirks emerged, you often found reasons to distance yourself just a little bit. Sometimes an overbearing mother. Sometimes skewed political views. Some had questionable manners. A few simply fell off your radar and you slipped through the cracks of their giant egos. Everyone had their shortcomings.

You certainly did.

You heard the beep of the front door opening and you figured Baekhyun must have gone shopping. He’d woken up early for the day and had already been busy and productive; unlikely you who just stayed in hiding and selfishly stewed. You emerged from your bedroom to try and make up for your many shortcomings.

You could hear him before you could see him. He was in the kitchen. You’d just heard the fridge open and you could hear the jostling of food packaging. A reusable shopping bag sat on the countertop still heavy with food items to be put away and as you stepped closer you could feel a bundle of nerves bouncing around inside of your belly.

Maybe last night was a fluke.

Maybe the feelings of love you felt was just you under the spell of that super magical date and today all of those embarrassing feelings of deep intense affection for your dumb roommate that surged up inside of you would have fizzled out and simply gone flat.

Your early morning hours had nearly convinced you that while yes, Baekhyun did find you attractive, that was it — and really what did you expect? The man was sexually repressed and the two of you had been living together in close quarters for two years now. Put a man and a woman together in such conditions and wires were bound to get crossed, it’s just the nature of human relationships. But Baekhyun had never once acted on such urges.

Not once.

Last night must have been just like work for him. An assignment to complete for his own good. He’d gone through it, done his best because you were his friend that he trusted and his end goal was actually independence from you. It was Mia. You’d never seen him quite so determined to overcome his dating anxiety before. The only change was Mia. Nothing else added up but her.

That was just the truth of it.

After the first couple of hours you’d come to terms with these truths and you’d even gone so far as to prepare the report for him; his grade for the assignment. He got an A+ of course, and you were sure to outline where he excelled and the moments that made your heart flutter. You did not write down the goodnight kiss anywhere on the report. Something about that kiss and the way you could feel your heart racing inside of your chest every time you thought about it felt too vulnerable to write down on paper.

And how could you? Oh to be so bold. You’d considered the horror. Giving him special marks for the goodnight kiss with an asterisk and a footnote with a message about the taste of his lips and the softness of his tongue and your inability to stop thinking about it since it happened. A special reference to the smell of the air from his lungs and how much more you wanted the fragrance of his breathing. God.

Embarrassing. Shameful. Forbidden.

You felt stupid. You’d fallen for your own stupid lies. A fake date; for practice. A handsome successful man with a heart of gold to sweep you off your feet and pretend to like you for a grade on a paper.

Your best hope was that it wouldn't hurt too badly to see him moving on with someone else. You only hoped you could withstand it and root for him and not do anything evil to destroy his happiness in the process.

Right now, your best hope was that you could face him in the kitchen without trembling too much, stumbling on your words, or worse, losing your convincing smile.

The kitchen was sparkling. He’d cleaned all of the surfaces, probably before he went to the market and you wondered what time he actually woke up this morning. You wondered why he’d been so quiet about it all. Baekhyun usually traveled with a soundtrack that could wake the dead.

He heard you come into the kitchen when you reached for the shopping bag on the counter and you pulled it toward yourself and he spun on his heels, whipping his head around to look at you.

He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and jeans and the soft well-worn cotton fabric of the shirt cinched around his small waist. The short sleeves landed just over his biceps. The man had biceps. Oh no, the jeans. They were the very same pair you’d made him wear for the photo shoot in the moonlight and you pulled your eyes up from the view of his thighs with every ounce of self control you had left inside of you. It wasn’t much. You were sweating. You could hear something, what was that sound?

Where he stood, the overhead kitchen lights cast a bright glow over his wavy hair. You saw natural highlights in the casual mess atop his head. Your fingers itched to toss them about. The strange sound continued as you looked at him and his eyes were wide and his lips hung open, pink and plumped up from his worrying teeth biting into the flesh again and again and aside from the wild thumping you heard inside of your own chest you realized that the sound you must be hearing was a chorus of angels singing in a heavenly choir. The clouds had parted and the light of God himself shone down on this beautiful man in your kitchen. Oh you were fucked.

Baekhyun was standing there with his golden face, with his bright pink cheeks, darker pink lips, pointed chin with round gold glasses on his nose and he was positively glowing below the illuminated lights of the heavens shining down on his beauty and you were losing your fucking mind, all by yourself with a single zucchini in one hand and a big round onion in the other. You had dug them out of the shipping bag.

If you could only get your legs to work.

Baekhyun was holding his hands out to you and your torso moved on its own with thoughts of _running into his waiting arms for a hug_ having an actual fight with your normal rational mind that beat those stupid thoughts down with a hammer.

You hurled the vegetables very hard in his general direction and closed your eyes as you let go.

He caught the zucchini, but clearly your aim with the onion had been shoddy. He let out a single surprised grunt when it bounced off of his chest and it rolled down his stomach to the floor below and you groaned inside feeling every single bit of red hot embarrassment that burned you from the inside.

“Wow, did you just throw an onion at me?” He was mumbling to himself as he chased it around the kitchen. “Good morning, Peanut. Thanks for not making too much noise so I could sleep in. Here’s your _fucking_ onion. Ugh.”

You laughed out loud. You could not control anything that your body was issuing out right now. He’d finally cornered it with his hands under the cabinets and was doing a highly inaccurate impression of you as he tossed it roughly inside the veggie bin at the bottom of the fridge. He then clapped his hands together in front of him like a baseball catcher ready for the pitch.

“What’s next? I’m ready now, come on.” He clapped his hands again and the jarring sound woke you up from the trance you’d been stuck in.

Inside the bag were more loose vegetables, many of a similar roundish shape. Ever conscious about the health of the planet, Baekhyun never used plastic bags. He was always nagging about the evils of single use plastics and one year for your birthday he gifted you a $500 donation to a non-profit organization that promised to clean up 500 pounds of plastic from the ocean in your honor. The donation came with images of baby animals that were now alive because of your generosity and you remembered actually crying when you read the story about the orphaned baby otters. The next day you started your period and you shook your head in disbelief over just how many super cool brand new things you could have bought with that $500.

You hurled the organic produce at him with as much gusto as he fought for the baby animals in the sea. A few carrots, a big heavy radish, and a giant green onion landed with a slap into his waiting arms. You were tossing fast and he was catching and tossing them into the fridge, keeping up very well despite how quickly and how badly you were throwing. It was silly. It was the kind of silly that you often enjoyed with him and you were instantly grateful for the embarrassment you woke up with to be gone so completely and so easily. With Baekhyun, it was always so easy. One joke, one laugh, and you were putty.

You reached into the bag blindly and pulled out the sauce. You were laughing now and weren’t really paying much attention to what came out of the bag. He was asking for this and if he wanted you to hurl vegetables at that pretty face you’d do it.

“Wait,” he shouted, his eyes went wide and he shook his head rapidly, “that’s glass, Bug.”

He bolted upright and he was coming toward you fast when you pulled your arm back and aimed at him anyway, not really listening to what was going on.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, Bug. Glass! Glass!”

The windup for the pitch was wasted and one of his hands grabbed tightly around your closed fist, covering it completely and his other arm reached around your waist to hold you in place should you decide to make a run for it with the potentially dangerous weapon you held.

“Jesus. Give it to me,” he said up close and well inside your personal space. The fanning out of his words warmed over your face as you looked into his eyes and your focus drifted down over the pink softness that gave his face such a lovely hue. His brown eyes were so pretty up close.

The words might have registered faster if he didn't feel so warm; if he hadn’t been pressed up against you like this with his hand around your waist, pulling you into the firm shape of him and if he wasn’t speaking to you with his lips that felt so damn soft last night. 

“Hmm?” You heard your voice respond after much too long and you opened your hand to release the jar from your tight grip.

You closed your eyes. You couldn't witness any more with them; you just couldn’t stand this. How could one kiss have done so much damage to your mind. You used to be so strong.

You felt him take the jar away from you and with it, his hand around your waist left you and so did his warmth and his smell and he was gone.

You caught the retreat of him. His hair had fluffed up during the tussle and a single wavy strip stuck up in the center of the back of his head. You could see the flush in the skin of the back of his neck. You knew he was warm and he was taking it all with him.

You felt an urge for something. For anything, really. Call it childish if you want. You reached for the strand of hair that stuck up on top of his head and you gripped it and pulled hard. You don't know why you did it, but it felt satisfying when he yelped out.

It was a play right out his own playbook. You could fill up pages in your diary of the times he’s pulled your hair. He was always poking or pulling something. You’d never understood the appeal until you’d had a taste of it yourself. His face was positively wounded and you suppressed a giggle.

The jar was set down, his hand was up rubbing at the top of his scalp with a pout on his face as he looked at you with furrowed and confused eyebrows.

“Ow,” he said accusingly and you bit down on your lip to hide your smile and lifted your shoulders with a little shrug on your face.

“Your hair is sticking up,” you said as if that completely explained why you had just pulled his hair like a naughty preschooler with a crush on the prettiest student in class.

It worked though. Baekhyun was looking at you and had given up on whatever he was going to do with that jar of sauce he’d so effortlessly pried from your hand. You should have put up more of a fight for it. You should have made him work for it.

He was still sulking with his hand flat on the top of his head and there was no smile on his lips. He couldn’t see how funny he looked right now. He couldn’t see how those wide surprised eyes filled up his face and how cute his lips looked when turned down into a pout.

You lifted a finger and your smile was wide and genuine, “Ha, your face.” It was a direct Baekhyun quote turned back around on him. His hand fell and he rolled his eyes and he was moving in place. Rippling with the wave of agitated annoyance that ran through his body.

He looked at you with his lips parted, then looked away from your face with a half step and then he looked at you again. Oh god, it felt like a drug.

“That’s...that’s not even right. That’s not even how you do it,” he was nagging and it felt like this wasn't a situation that required his nagging. You’d gotten him and you were now laughing at his misery. This was payback for years — years of his bullshit.

He grabbed something else to put away from the counter and turned toward the fridge again, gripping the handle of the freezer to rearrange items and then he was digging through the shelves for something.

That was it? He was done with his nagging already? Something in the expression on his face seemed a little annoyed and you wondered if you’d pulled his hair too hard.

Well you refused to feel bad about it. He’d done way too many things to you over the years. This man deserved having a little hair pulled every now and then. It was his own fault he looked so cute when he pouted about it. You shrugged and turned toward the rice cooker, lifting the lid to see about two portions left for breakfast. You’d have to make more for lunch.

You grabbed a bowl and began measuring cups of rice when an unmistakable shadow landed over the opening of the rice bag, impeding your view just enough to draw your attention to it. Trouble.

A low voice whispered into your ear, “this is how you do it.”

And then you felt the unmistakable sensation of the teeth chattering, mind numbing, blinding cold shock of ice. You screamed. Ice cubes, many ice cubes, at least a handful of them were slipped into the back of your shirt and they bounced and slipped down your warm skin sending a chilling wave down your spine, and you felt a swift hand pull at the waistband of your shorts while another hand quickly tucked your shirt in. It was cold. Painfully so. It was shocking and surprising and you jumped up and curled your spine backwards, spinning and screaming in an attempt to get the freezing cold ice away from the warm skin of your lower back. Hopping up and down in place helped. You reached behind you and pulled your shirt out of your shorts and oh he was laughing and dancing around you. A full on devil’s cackle of pure delight.

The ice cubes clattered noisily, one by one, to the floor and you reached for whatever you could find to throw at him. The shopping bag. It was fabric and folded in your hand, sagging ineffectively when you tried to swing it at his face. He dodged too easily, sticking his tongue out at you and wagging it mockingly. You saw red and then you saw the sprayer hose sitting on the corner of the kitchen sink. It was within your reach. You grabbed it, turned on the faucet and pointed it right at his face and pulled the trigger.

You only sprayed him for a second. Maybe two. As soon as you realized what you were doing you opened your hand and stopped the flow of water but the damage had already been done.

At least he wasn't laughing anymore. He was staring at you in shock and dripping from everywhere, his hair was dripping, his ears were dripping, his chin was dripping, his black shirt was darker in color and soaked all over his chest. It made the fabric cling to him even more and you saw the outline of his chest muscles heaving with each shocked heavy breath he took.

“Are you serious?” His voice broke through the hum you heard in your ears and you looked up from his chest into his eyes.

“I was just getting you back for the ice,” you heard panic in your voice and you reached to turn the water off and fed the hose of the sprayer back into the hole in the countertop. As if putting it back would somehow turn the clock back and turn you innocent.

He was reaching down with his fingertips to touch the shirt he wore, pulling soaking wet fabric away from his skin and in a single swift motion he reached a hand over his head grabbing the shirt by the back of the neck and he pulled it up and off of his body.

He glistened with moisture. The water had soaked through to his skin. He was wet. He was toned. His skin was flawless. You saw more muscles than you ever remembered him having before. More of those kitchen light heavenly angels’ choir sounds rang out inside your head and he was standing over the sink with the balled up shirt in both of his hands as he squeezed, wringing it out and making a face as he did it. With every squeeze some new well defined muscle in his arms clenched and you crossed your arms and chewed on your thumbnail as you watched him.

After he squeezed out as much water as he could from the shirt he lifted it and rubbed the wet fabric over his hair, ruffling the curls and drying some of the excess water.

“The ice was payback for the hair pulling. We were even then.” He turned to face you.

You’d backed against the counter as far from him as you could go without actually running out of the kitchen to escape. 

“It was a lot of ice, Peanut.” Your lips were pouting now. You didn't think you could survive any more revenge from him today and honestly you kinda, sorta, mostly felt even now. You wanted to be even. Please, couldn't you just be even?

“You pulled my hair very hard, Bug.” He did not pout anymore but he took a single step closer to where you leaned against the counter.

The step he took made you so nervous that you braced with both hands behind you on the counter and hopped yourself up to sit on the surface, thankful for even the few extra centimeters of distance this brought.

His eyes tracked the movement and his steps staggered slightly when you did it but he did not stop coming at you entirely.

He was still closing in. All skin and bare shoulders and chest muscles and arms and biceps and nipples, all of him. You could even make out the waistband of his underwear peeking out from below the jeans that hung around his slim waist.

You lifted both of your hands up to cover your face because he was not stopping and you were having a multitude of internal crises happening inside of you all at once. What a situation to test out a newly accepted crush on your roommate. Your shorts were the shortest ones you owned and you felt the warmth of his hip high up against your bare skin as he brushed against your thigh. Thankfully he hadn’t positioned himself between your parted knees. That would have been a different sort of test that you weren't too confident you’d be able to pass.

But oh you couldn't stand this. He was so close and so warm and so very undressed although his skin had dried since he’d taken off the shirt. Your curiosity got the better of you and you parted your fingertips to look. His eyes were not on your face. He was looking down somewhere. He was doing something with his hands out of your line of sight and you quickly dropped your hands and turned your head to see what was happening. Was this his next payback move against you?

His fingertips gripped the wooden knife block and he was pulling it slowly and carefully off the countertop.

“You don't seem to understand the rules to this game, so I am going to confiscate these so I don't get stabbed.”

He’d already moved the knife block and was pulling the drawers open below your calf to pull out more knives you both used for cooking. He had a handful and he reached up to put them high into a cupboard away from his insane roommate, who he was now convinced didn't know that stabbing someone for fun wasn’t a real thing.

“Can’t we call a truce?” You were begging now.

Couldn't he go get another shirt already?

He looked at you with only mild interest on his face and you saw the bounce of a single eyebrow over his left eye before he shook his head back and forth.

“I don't think so,” he said.

“What if I gave you your assignment grade. It’s ready.” You did have it. It was here in the kitchen. You’d sent it to the printer last night when you couldn't sleep and you heard the machine whirl to life somewhere in the darkness. You knew it would still be sitting in the paper tray.

He was staring at you now. No bouncing eyebrows or confusing smoldering looks in his eyes, but just a curious and unbending stare into your face.

He was silent.

Until he was not.

“My...grade?” His voice was soft and unsure. All of the confidence from moments before gone poof before your eyes. “You really—” he began but paused to close his eyes and inhale before continuing, “—you really gave me a grade.” You could hear his words restricted by the clench in his jaw as he spoke.

It didn't sound like a question and you watched his face for a long while waiting for him to accept the terms of the truce and receive his report so you could get off this counter and he could go get a shirt on and you could stop daydreaming about the way he would kiss you a second time right here in this kitchen. Or a third time, in the hallway that led to your bedroom door. Or maybe #4 out there on the terrace as the sun set. These situations were bad for your heart. You were holding your breath when he took a step back and away from you and ran a hand through his wet hair, tossing it with his fingertips. He pushed it back and it parted funnily over his forehead.

He looked so much like a kid now. Hair a mess and cheeks flushed from some playground game he had been playing.

“Mhmm, I’m your teacher, remember?” Before you could think better of it, you reached up with your hand to rearrange his curls in a more natural way so it wouldn’t dry in a weird position.

You felt his hand reach for you then, gripping around your wrist lightly he pulled your hand away from his head and gently placed it back down on your own lap.

“Leave it.” His fingers handled your wrist gently but his voice had an odd coolness to it. “It’s fine.”

You felt the change. It was abrupt but it definitely happened. He was looking into your eyes as it happened, the only difference was the slow blink that signaled the sudden shift.

The game was over at the mention of his grade. He simply nodded his head once as he watched your face silently and you placed a hand on his bare shoulder for lack of a better place to brace while you jumped down.

His skin here felt cool to the touch. Cooled by the water spray and missing a dry shirt, you made your way toward the printer where his report waited and made a stop at the laundry closet. You were pretty sure you heard it running from your bedroom. There were fresh clothes in there. You pulled blindly and brought him something still warm, clean, and dry to wear.

You felt so much safer when he had all of his clothes on and you handed him the report with a reassuring smile designed to encourage him. He had nothing to fear, the date had been perfect and you had absolutely nothing negative to say about his performance.

He was reading carefully with his fingers tapping lightly along his bottom lip. You’d see occasional movements of his lips as he read aloud to himself and when he reached the bottom he flipped the page over to find the other side blank. When he turned it around again his eyes flipped up from the page to meet yours with what you could only describe as a searching look in his eyes.

His eyebrows were lifted. His mouth hung open and he held the paper up to you so you would see the page he was referring to.

“Is there another page?”

Your eyes bounced from the page to his face a couple of times and you opened your mouth to speak but closed it up instantly when you simply couldn’t bring any words out of your mouth that might cooperate with you right now.

That was the end. Because you simply could not, would not, should not address that goodnight kiss. You’re goddamned right that was the end of it. No, Baekhyun there was not another page.

What the hell did he expect? A play by play of his lips on yours and how it destroyed you? Did he want to know how many hours you tossed and turned last night? Or how many times you touched your own lips with your fingertips imaging that it was him again at your bedroom door?

“What do you mean? You have a grade and a list of strengths and special heart fluttering moments.”

He looked back down at the page and set it down carefully with both hands on the kitchen counter before him.

“Strengths. Moments,” he said to himself and you could see the flush in his cheeks. “U-Umm,” he closed his eyes tightly and his head fell back as he licked his lips.

“B-Bug, what about—” you could practically see the trembling in his hands now. “It—It was my first time — uhh — d-doing that —don't make me say it.”

You were not a cruel person. You didn't have the stomach for it.

“The kiss was amazing, Baekhyun.”

His eyes remained closed but you could hear the deep breath he inhaled.

“But it’s not listed under the special moments,” he whispered.

“It was good. It was too good, It didn't feel like your first time, so I left it out. It didn’t really feel like something you needed my help with.”

You looked down at your hands and your body sagged against the counter, finding eye contact with him simply too difficult to maintain when this was the subject being discussed.

“It was good?” His question was so quiet. When you looked up into his face his eyes danced lightly around your face and you had to swallow the pool of moisture that collected under your tongue. You allowed your vision to mingle lightly with his and you could feel the blood rushing to the surface of your skin, bringing warmth and a tingling sensation all over. He was watching you closely for some more words, for anything you might be able to tell him.

You nodded your head and bit down on your lip. You wondered if he could tell you were blushing. You wondered if he noticed the goosebumps on your forearms.

He looked down at the report again and you followed his eyes to look down at the paper. His fingertip ran lightly along the edge of the paper and you recognized that he wasn't actually looking at the paper, as his eyes did not hold any real focus. He exhaled a quick breath before he inhaled again to whisper one more question for you.

“Did you like it?”

Yes. Yes you liked it. Yes you wanted more. You just nodded your head. You could not speak about it, but you could at least nod your response.

You were beginning to feel desperate. You knew he craved your feedback, your honest words and guidance on the subject but you weren’t sure you were cut out for this kind of honesty with him. You’d grown so used to suppressing your feelings about things like this with him that openly talking about it felt too close to losing control.

“It was a good kiss,” you found your voice. You found your self control and you pushed down the shame about your own desires as best as you could and focused on the kitchen cabinets behind his head. The wooden cabinets without life-giving blood pumping through its veins.

You were nodding now, working up the nerve to give him more feedback about what he seemed to be fixating on. “Your lips were soft and warm and tasted nice, umm…” you were trying your best now; approaching this from an analytical point of view as you had done in the report.

“Umm...you used,” you lifted a hand now as you spoke, imagining that you were giving a lecture in front of a class, “you used a perfect amount of pressure and suction. Not too much t-tongue. It was very good. I think you are ready to date.”

When you were done talking you finally looked at him.

He was definitely not looking at you and his eyes were wide and stuck in a silent stare ahead with zero focus. His skin was pink. He was pink all over and he did not move except for the occasional blinking of his eyelids.

When he did finally move it was to chew on his bottom lip and while you understood that this was not the comfortable kind of conversation to have with another person, there was value in this talk and these were life skills that he would use later. This was worthwhile for him. No need to be freaked out over a little sexy kissing talk in the kitchen with his roommate.

So you kept talking. He had to continue on this journey and sometimes that meant the man would need an occasional push in the right direction.

“So,” you began with a newfound determination. His wide eyes popped into yours when you spoke up, you’d clasped both of your hands together and the noise grabbed his attention firmly, “your next assignment… let’s ask our girlfriend out. I’ll help you if you want.”

He was silent. Probably still recovering from the previous kiss talk that seemed to throw you both into a little bucket of embarrassment. You were pushing through it and he could do the same.

“What are your ideas for a first date with Mia?”

Baekhyun shifted and crossed his arms over his chest and he shook his head as he chewed on his lip again. He was quiet for a long while and you could tell with the lift of his eyeballs around the room that he was thinking now.

“Hmm,” he hummed and when his eyes finally returned to yours he spoke, “a … movie maybe. Dinner and a movie.” He shook his head back and forth again.

Reliable. Predictable. Baekhyun didn't know enough about Mia to know what interested her so the safest bet was the same thing Ben had said.

“But...alone?” He was making a face. It was a scowl. “I don't know about doing this without you.”

“What about a double date? Ben mentioned a movie and dinner too. What if we do a double date?” On the surface this felt perfect. You’d take Ben up on his offer and work out a schedule that was convenient for everybody.

Baekhyun seemed to stiffen at the mention of this but eventually loosened up when you grabbed for his phone and opened the chat window with Mia. You typed out the invitation and he watched you do it, casually nodding his head when you were finished writing. You even used his finger to hit send and it was done. Just like that. No hyperventilating or crying. He’d actually asked a real girl out on a date and now all you had to do was text Ben and it was a done deal. Next Saturday, a movie and dinner.

You both put the phones away and set out to prepare lunch. After a quick breakfast he was chopping vegetables and you were washing rice. Then you were mixing sauce and tasting dishes for seasoning that he stirred over the stove. There was a sweetness to it — cooking this meal together. You both cooperated and communicated well. You washed the dishes together, his hands in the soapy water and your hands with the towel to dry and put them away.

When the doorbell rang you’d already changed into something appropriate for a Sunday Grandma Byun visit and you moved in for the hugs she offered at the door. Her caregiver smiled in greeting and remarked that today seemed to be a very good day for her. A rare day of clarity when the old woman’s mind was sharper than usual you noticed it instantly when she sat down at the table and remarked that the food smelled exactly like she remembered from her childhood.

More so than her comments, what you noticed most was Baekhyun’s reaction to the visit. He hugged her tightly, giggling, and laughing when she joked with him and she was using his name this time. There was no confusion today. She called him Baekhyun or _Hyunie_ and her voice dripped with sweetness and affection and she was gushing about how handsome he was and how well he had grown up. She clutched his face with both of her hands and pulled him down for many kisses all over his face as if she hadn’t seen him in years and he beamed brightly for it all.

He called her sweet names; nicknames he must have grown up calling her that made her squirm and she fed him as she ate; placing pieces of meat on top of his spoon with every bite he took. He ate them all and she cooed that he was a good boy; her favorite grandchild.

Soon the clarity in her eyes turned to you and you braced for a bit of confusion as she looked at your face with a smile.

You’d been partaking in the meal and watching their interactions with a quiet smile on your own face and you were about to take a bite of your spoon full of rice when you noticed the incoming chopsticks that placed a small piece of braised beef right on top. It came from across the table where she sat and your surprise must have shown on your face at the softness of this gesture.

“I’m so happy that he’s found someone sweet to love,” she whispered across the table to you and you stared down at your spoon with an audible hum sounding out inside your body. Your heart felt like it was vibrating. Your spoon trembled in your hand.

There was a clatter across the table. Baekhyun dropped his spoon noisily and it bounced along the surface of the wood.

“Ayyy, Grandma, it’s not like that,” his words protested and he picked his spoon up quickly, “I told you she’s my roommate — pays rent and everything. Jeez.”

She smiled widely at him and his bumbling hands and insistent words; putting another piece of food on top of his empty spoon. He ate it quickly even though you could tell he was getting full from all of the meat she kept giving him. As he chewed and swallowed you caught her eyes again as she turned to you and winked an eye as if she was the only one in on some giant secret vault of knowledge and you were both clueless characters in a story that was clearly and obviously unfolding in some sort of romantical way.

She was rubbing a hand over the back of his head as he ate, a pacifying nod of her head at his words. 

“Yes, yes, I know. Roommates.” She winked at you again and you nearly choked on the rice in your throat.

The longer the visit went on, the more you laughed at her jokes and comments. She was playful and so much fun. The more you witnessed of their dynamic, the more you could feel the obvious family resemblance between the two. He seemed to have learned most of his amazing sense of humor from her. The two got along so well and she was so easy to talk to. She was quick and sharp and generous with her laughs and you honestly felt like she’d only just arrived for the visit when the doorbell rang and her caregiver had arrived to take her back home safely.

Had this amazing woman really been the same person you’d spent every other Sunday with all this time? You felt like you’d just met a new friend and watching her leave made you feel some sort of huge loss that you hadn’t anticipated when you woke up this morning.

But she had to go and when the front door closed there was a silence that settled heavily over your home.

The loss was astounding.

You struggled to understand it and you watched Baekhyun walk away from the front door and move toward the kitchen table to clean up the dishes his Grandmother had used.

He was quiet and moving slowly to stack them up with great care not to crack or chip anything or make too much noise as he worked carefully.

It was such a nice visit. It had been such a nice visit.

You could feel it in your chest and when he reached for her chopsticks you saw him pick them up and hold them inside of the palm of his hands as he looked down at them.

And he sank down. You watched him crumble and his breathing was ragged and gasping as he sank down onto the floor.

He was overcome with it.

This was just too hard.

He was breaking. This life was just too hard.

You moved instantly. You moved to him and you wrapped your arms around the back of him, slipping your arms around his chest and his head and you sank with him; holding him as tightly as you could in your arms as he cried. You wrapped an entire arm around his face, cradling him into your embrace. You felt your own tears falling with his, this grief that raged through him was so powerful that it ripped and tore at your heart too. You felt all of it and it was devastating. You could not stop it. You could only hold him as he felt it.

His hands reached for yours. You felt his grip around your wrist that rested over his face and when he turned his head toward your hand you felt the wetness of his tears on your skin.

His breathing was calming down. The sounds of his sobs lessened and he held your hand against his face firmly with his own. You moved your thumb over his eyebrow, dipping down to wipe tears from his face and you felt the movement of his face against the palm of your hand.

You could not see him from where you were; you only saw the top of the back of his head. You felt the breath from his stuffed up nose and the air from his mouth and you felt the softness of his lips as he pressed them against your palm once. It was a kiss. When he moved again you felt the give of his lips lower and he parted his lips slightly, pushing them against the inside of your wrist with the second kiss he left for you there.

“Thank you,” he whispered in a hoarse voice. You tightened your hold around him and nodded your head once, not trusting yourself to speak without crying more.

“I’m so glad you got to meet her.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Angst / (Eventual) Smut 18+
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers / unresolved sexual tension
> 
> A/N: DON'T YELL AT ME ABOUT THE TENSION. I KNOW IT!!! Be nice.
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

Nothing had changed. 

Nothing outwardly had changed. Baekhyun moved about as he always did. 

Nothing had changed at all about your home life and yet you had been stumbling around on two unsteady feet for the past week with this new and terrible ache building inside of your belly and yet, nothing had actually changed. It was a longing. A desire to possess something that you could not have. 

It was as if the realization that you loved him and had loved him for a long time had turned up the brightness on your view of him. He was luminous. You’d been wearing dark shades for so long and when you took them off you were blinded by him.

You were aware that you were acting weird around him. How could you not be aware; it was turning into an obsession at this point. You woke early and slept late, eager to find any reason to be around him for the simple pleasure of watching him. 

Things you’d found annoying in the past, his crazed deafening outbursts while gaming; the sloppy way he took too-big bites and stuffed his cheeks with food as he chewed, barely able to close his lips; the half dazed foot shuffles through your home at two in the afternoon when he’d just rolled out of his bed and moved like a zombie toward the fridge for water and sausages from the cupboards; all of these things that made you roll your eyes before were now doing something else to you that you couldn't excuse. You found yourself smiling just thinking about him. You were looking at him now with new eyes. Eyes that were biased and eyes that were crazy.

You were so very drawn to him. 

It felt like a new hobby; 5am wake up with a buzzing alarm on your phone, shower, change, slip over to his door and press an ear to the wood for a chance to catch the sounds of his voice speaking into an ear piece to someone on the other side of the world. A soft knock against the wood and a low voice, his grunted voice returning your knock and you’d slip into his space for what you could only describe as a sick voyeuristic chance to watch him play his game. You just wanted to look at him. The urge was so strong; to see him. You just wanted to look at nothing but him; the first thing you saw in the morning and the last thing you saw at night. 

Baekhyun would turn around to look at you as you crawled sleepily into his bed and you’d pretend to fall asleep until he turned back to his game and then you would just watch him. 

You liked the shape of him when he sat at his desk. You liked the broadness of his shoulders and the curve of the back of his head. How could his back be so attractive? He had a strong and reliable back. You felt an immeasurable comfort in the rapid, rhythmic sound of his fingers typing on his keyboard and the way he lowered his voice into his headset when he thought you were sleeping in his bed behind him. Sometimes you’d actually drift off though. Lulled into a deep comfortable sleep that felt so much better than any sleep you’d managed in your own bed until you’d be lightly roused by a hand on your shoulders and the sound of his voice calling your name in a whisper.

“Bug, it’s almost time for work,” he would urge and you would groan and stretch, surprised that you had slept so well. 

You’d stay there every possible second until you had to report to your work on your own computer. 

It was late in the afternoon on a Thursday. The weather had been cold and miserable all week but through your window for the first time all season you felt the warm sun rays landing against your face. How long had it been since you felt the sunshine? You thought perhaps this called for a celebration. Maybe winter would be short this year and you could celebrate a little early with a dinner time barbecue out on the terrace. You knew the wind might still be cold despite that warm sunshine that peeked through the cloud cover but you could handle that much. 

It was your turn to make dinner and you hit the final keys on your work assignments and rushed through your room getting ready for a quick trip to the market. You’d get some meat for grilling, some delicious fresh veggies and maybe a bottle of alcohol to sip on. Nothing too crazy, you didn't really trust yourself drunk. 

Outside, the air was crisp but at least it wasn’t raining, or worse, snowing. This would do just fine.

When you returned from the market with your arms full of shopping bags your happiness about the unseasonably warm weather outside and your excitement for a tiny cook-out spread rapidly to your roommate who was happily pulling on a soft cable-knit sweater to go outside with his little bluetooth speaker as he set up the portable grill out on the patio table. 

The buzz you felt inside of your chest while watching him was incomparable. His smile was wide and beautiful. His teeth were white and perfect and the way his eyes closed up when he really got to smiling wide made your heart do little flips. You couldn't contain your own wide smile when his eyes bounced over to touch yours and that smile on his lips pulled even wider — it sent a jolt straight through you — he was electric. He was a lightning bolt and you felt so high up, of course you were hit first. 

The meat was sizzling on the grill and Baekhyun was sitting across the table from you just watching as you snipped the long strips of pork and beef into smaller bite size chunks with scissors and flipped them with long cooking tongs when they started to turn brown. 

He was unusually quiet as you worked and it took nearly all of your fortitude to keep from staring at his face openly with an obvious love struck expression. You were thankful that it was your turn to cook this dinner and Baekhyun didn’t even try to take the tongs away from you and take over the grilling. At least you had something to do that wasn’t just staring into the softness you caught in his eyes across the table. You wondered what had to be on his mind that made him look at you this way. 

Some of the meat was done and you moved it toward a cooler section of the grill pan, motioning with your tongs toward the quiet man to grab it and eat it but he just sat there with a disconnected look on his face.

He was moving so slowly today. Maybe he wasn't that hungry. You hoped it wasn’t getting too cold out here now that the sun was slipping lower in the sky. 

When he didn't immediately move, you sighed and grabbed a piece of lettuce, wrapping the meat inside with some veggies and some of the fillings you knew he liked and you stood up in your seat, holding the wrap up to his face, expecting him to lean forward and grab it with his hands and begin eating already.

When he finally did move it was preceded by a bright smile and he leaned forward and opened his mouth, grabbing the food firmly between his lips, he bit down with his teeth and you felt the brush of his soft lips against your fingertips as he took the bite of food into his mouth straight from your hand. 

You could feel the warmth and it was instant. As if someone had turned on a space heater in front of your chest and turned it on full blast. 

The ghost of that tiny brush of his lips against your fingers lingered and your mind grabbed hold of it, echoing the sensation again and again with each pound your heart made inside of your chest. 

Baekhyun was chewing and he hummed out in appreciation at the deliciousness of the meal you’d provided. You lifted your glass of wine to your lips to hide the smile that took over your face and you noticed he finally picked up his own chopsticks and began building himself another bite to eat. He was grabbing meat, two pieces, added a dab of sauce on top and grabbed a few delicious additions and he was carefully wrapping the tasty package into a tight ball with his fingertips. 

You’d just swallowed the wine and had looked down to flip the meat when you caught his movement. He stood from his chair and he leaned, in the exact same way as you had done and you laughed out loud at the sweet expression you saw on his face as he held the food up to your face. 

“Ahh,” he said and you leaned forward to receive his offering. 

When your lips parted, his fingers pushed forward and your brain buzzed in chaos when his thumb grazed slowly along your bottom lip. He moved too slowly. His fingertips lingered. You let out a breath of air through your nose and his fingers did not break contact with your lips until you’d closed your mouth up and started to chew the food he’d given you. 

You felt as if your face was burning. You chewed quickly, hardly even tasting the food that was in your mouth as your eyes tracked his movement; you could not look away from him if you tried. He sat back in his chair with his empty hand held up and the pad of his thumb brushing back and forth over his fingertips, the fingers that had just touched your mouth so carelessly and as he sank into his seat he brought his hand up to absentmindedly touch along his bottom lip. 

Your thoughts were fuzzy. Everything outside of his brown eyes took on a soft dreamlike blur.

The eye contact he was holding broke suddenly and he inhaled sharply and closed his eyes, dropped his hand from his lips and looked down at the table of food spread out before you both. 

He had a glass of ice water beside him and he lifted it to pull the cooling liquid into his mouth. 

You watched the way his jaw worked when he swallowed. You watched the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out. 

You had lived with Baekhyun for more than two years and you’d never been quite this affected by the man having a drink of water before. 

He set the empty glass down roughly on the table and the noisy thud the glass made woke you from the silent reverie. It sharpened your mind and lit a match under your tongue fueled by a growing curiosity that had been filling up your every waking thought lately.

“Baekhyun,” your voice came out a whisper and the sound of his name made his eyebrows lift and he looked across the table at you. “Have you ever fallen in love?” 

You weren’t sure where this question came from or why you were suddenly so bold to ask him such a thing, but you were burning with curiosity about the man. Maybe it was the half of a glass of wine that had already made its way into your bloodstream as you sat here and picked at this delicious meal you shared with him. 

He was chewing now and the corners of his lips had turned up into a small smile as he looked across the table at you. 

There was a strange pause in his movement to reach for the water pitcher so he could refill his glass. 

“Yes,” he said softly after he swallowed his food he continued his reaching, finding the pitcher and pouring more water inside his empty glass. His small answer quenched a small bit of the thirst you had inside of you and this new found knowledge about him made you feel warm inside. 

He drank and you smiled wide and genuine, somehow elated at the idea that he’d felt this wonderful feeling at one point in his life. The idea that this beautiful man knew exactly how good this feeling of love was; it made your head swim. 

You reached for your wine again, draining the rest of your glass and immediately followed it with a big spoon of rice to somehow combat the alcohol with the only weapon you had to fight it. If only the wine hadn’t tasted so damn sweet on your tongue. You’d drank the glass too quickly and you considered the waiting bottle that sat beside you on the table, begging you to give in to just one more glass. 

“Have you?” 

It was Baekhyun’s turn to ask now and you turned away from the begging bottle to look into that tempting softness he had in his eyes. What was this mood he had fallen into? Was it the sunset? The clouds rolling in front of the setting sun created a beautiful scene. You saw purple, blue, red, and bright orange. The view was absolutely perfect.

“Have you ever fallen in love?” 

His voice was so quiet and the warmth of his tone was enveloping you entirely. 

“Yes,” you said. You reached for the bottle and tapped into some source of super-human self control you hadn’t known you had in you; you poured only half a glass. 

This one, you would sip. For your own good, for the love of God, you would sip it. 

“How do you love someone?” Baekhyun had leaned forward in his seat and his eyes tracked the movement of your glass as you lifted it to your lips and you took your first sip. Sweet wine, sweet man with sweet looks in his eyes and sweet questions on his lips. For the first time you wondered if you might be in real danger of making a mistake tonight. 

Your brain kicked in. He was asking you important life questions now and you looked upward toward the darkening sky as you pondered this. This must be one of his life lesson questions. Maybe he wanted some advice on how to treat a girl he loved properly. You considered your words thoughtfully. 

“Umm...I think...people show they love someone by—”

“No, not that,” he interrupted your answer, stopping you with a raised hand. Then he pointed a finger across the table toward you, “not other people. How do  _ you  _ love someone, Bug? What is your love like?” 

Oh. 

It was such a raw question. 

You were suddenly thankful for the wine you’d already had to drink because you’d never been asked something like this. Not by him or by anyone. In fact, you’d never even thought about it. 

How were you, when you were in love. What kind of a lover were you? He was watching you as you considered and your lips opened and closed twice as you tried to think of the perfect answer to this very difficult question.

You thought about your past relationships. Honestly it was hard to remember the good in hindsight. The bad times seemed to jump out at you. The childish way you sometimes acted, the selfish things you’d done and blamed it all on love at the time. Maybe you had been too young to really know what love was. This was part of the reason why you felt so resistant to it. You’d never had a love that hadn't turned bad and burned you from the inside. Maybe you just weren't cut out for love. 

And now, with him, the pining, the scheming, the watching, and daydreaming. The fantasies of his touch, of his laugh, of his kiss. Going out of your way to make him smile. Little things you would do just to get him to look at you. The ache you felt in your fingers to touch him. The sweet satisfaction of actually doing it. You’d do anything for it. For him. You’d been doing anything; slipping into his bed just to smell him all around you. 

“Shameless,” you said out loud — because you’d do anything. You didn’t even know what you were capable of yet but you felt like a dangerous woman just thinking about it. 

His focus drifted and he exhaled a puff of air through his lips. You heard the smallest chuckle from his throat and a smile pulled at his lips.

“Shameless?” He asked with a bounce of his eyebrows. His water glass was in his hand and he lifted and poured the last few drops into his mouth. It had been hardly anything at all and you watched him curiously as you forced another bite of rice down your throat. 

“What does that mean? How do you love shamelessly? Explain that to me.”

You’d been watching his hands as he talked. There was an electricity buzzing around in his eyes that felt almost challenging and you’d expected him to reach for the water pitcher again to add another tiny sip to his glass and make a big show of drinking it down but instead of reaching for it, his hand shot across the table to grip around the neck of the wine bottle. 

You were positively transfixed. He lifted the bottle and brought it to his side of the table and you heard the glass spout clink against the rim of his empty glass and the steady glug glug glug of liquid poured too fast through the small opening and he filled his glass most of the way full with deep blood-red liquid. 

It was at least as much as you had had to drink already. 

Baekhyun was drinking with you. He lifted the glass to his lips and took a long pull of the alcohol into his mouth and he swallowed roughly with his eyes closed. You felt amused by the sight. Strangely comforted by his company even more now that he had joined you inside this bottle of wine. 

When he looked up into your face, your shocked expression must have been funny to him because he laughed just once before opening his mouth to speak again. 

“Go on,” he said as he lifted his hand across the table toward you. You couldn't tell if he meant you should drink your wine too or if you should answer his question so you lifted your glass to your lips for a big swallow and then you opened your mouth to put your thoughts into words. 

Baekhyun was still drinking the wine in his glass and you hoped his full belly of meat and veggies would keep him from becoming too wasted too quickly. You were enjoying his company too much for him to suddenly hit the table and pass out. You were also pretty sure it would be difficult to carry his body into his bedroom if he was unable to walk himself. While you’d never seen him wasted, you’d always assumed he abstained from drinking simply because he could not handle the alcohol. 

“I’m shameless, I mean,” you began, trying to find the words to explain what a disaster you were when you fell in love without incriminating yourself too much, “I’m dumb. I’m jealous. I’m clingy and needy and desperate.” This was sounding awful. Why were you such a mess when you fell in love. “I’m probably very annoying to whichever poor soul...”

Baekhyun had emptied his glass as you talked and he licked his lips, leaving behind a telltale red hue along his bottom lip. “Sounds brave to me,” he said quietly to the inside of his glass. 

“But, Peanut I thought you couldn’t drink.” 

“I never said I  _ can’t _ .” 

The wind changed suddenly and a surprising gust flew over the table, taking a napkin and tossing it across the surface of the table. You reached for it at the same time as he reached and his reaction time was faster. As he gripped the cloth, your hand landed over the back of his warm hand and the surprise of that unintended warmth of his smooth hand made you recoil quickly. 

If he noticed he didn’t react. For all you knew this struggle was taking place entirely inside your head. Baekhyun was just having a casual dinner conversation with his dumb roommate who had just acted like his hand was fire as she’d just been singed. 

“But you  _ don’t _ ,” you said carefully, coming to some new realization about the man’s habits in self control. In his own personal dos and don’ts. 

With this Baekhyun smirked and nodded his head once. 

“Not usually, no. I try not to, at least.” His lips pulled wide. It wasn’t a smile, but more of a grimace. When he moved again he was gripping around the wine bottle once more and you left him to it. He refilled his own glass and your eyes followed the movement as he tipped the bottle over your wine glass and emptied the remaining liquid into yours. 

So much for only one drink. (OKAY, one and a half. Shut up…)

“So what’s got you drinking tonight?” 

It occurred to you that while you had been lost in the ocean of your silly crush on him, Baekhyun might actually have something on his mind that was troubling him. 

Something that had turned his mood quiet like this and something that had bothered him enough to be drinking half of your bottle of wine tonight. 

The last time you’d seen him drink wine was after he’d bombed that first phone call with Mia. The taste of her name on the back of your tongue soured the sweetness of the wine some. 

“Nerves, I guess.” His small confession traveled on the chilly wind and you felt a tiny raindrop on your cheek that signaled trouble. 

Baekhyun lifted his glass to his lips once more. It was almost empty now. The light in his eyes was much dimmer than when this evening started. He pulled his lips wide with a wince, “the date...on Saturday.”

His words were sticky as they made their way across the table and you felt another cold rain drop. Was he feeling this too or was it just you. 

He must not have felt what you did because he kept talking, “do you know I’ve been stood-up before?” 

The wine seemed to have loosened his jaw. Baekhyun didn’t usually talk openly about the embarrassing dating failures he’s had. He definitely didn’t smile ruefully with a deep wounded sadness in his eyes as he did it. 

The sad smile pulled his lips wider and he found your eyes across from the table as he lifted both of his hands and raised his fingers. He was counting something. Showing you a number with seven fingers raised and he mouthed silently, “seven times,” and he licked his lips and bit down on his bottom lip and hung his head with his chin down to his chest.

You were shaking your head widely. Madness, that any woman in her right mind would look at this man and find enough fault to stand him up. That someone with half a brain in her head wouldn't jump at the chance to go out with him. 

“What if,” he mumbled and the wind picked up again blowing your sweater tightly around your arms and your chest. 

“She will come.” You said confidently, interrupting his anxious thoughts with your determined certainty at what you were positive was true. Mia liked Baekhyun at least as much, if not more, as Baekhyun liked Mia. 

He was watching your face now. Waiting for the cold wind to die down enough for you to hear what he was saying to you without having to raise his voice.

“What if she doesn’t?” 

You didn’t like the defeatist attitude he was sporting now. He was losing this fight without having ever set foot on the battlefield. It filled you with even more determination than you had when you started this whole dating coach thing. 

“If she doesn’t show then she’s a fucking idiot and we’ll just have to ditch Ben and go have our own hot date; just me and you.” 

At last he laughed. It was a single guffaw straight from his chest and it sounded glorious. Somewhere off in the horizon you caught a flash in the clouds. A storm was coming. 

“You’d do that for me, Bug? What if I’m too upset to be any fun? What if I get bad again?” 

At the mention of his moods you felt a pang in your heart. The darkness that sometimes followed him around when he stayed locked in his room for days, hardly ate anything and refused all attempts you’d made to coax him out. 

It hadn’t happened since you’d grown close to him and you had begun to think you’d dreamed such occurrences that felt like such a distant memory to you. 

“I won’t let you. I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make you feel better. Hell we can even practice making-out in the back of the theatre.” 

This made him laugh harder. His cheeks were pink and his smile was beautiful. 

“That would certainly take my mind off of anything, LoveBug.” 

You knew he said it as a joke. He was laughing and everything when he said it. Yet the words he said paired with the nickname that always sent your heart racing had a rapid effect on you. Your breath quickened and you were so thankful that the sun had gone down and taken with it all of its incriminating lighting that would allow him to see you clearly. You were certain that you were blushing and you’d now gone completely silent. 

But Baekhyun was still giggling to himself at the thought and you felt the smallest tinge of disappointment that he found the idea of making out with you in the back of a movie theater like a couple of high school kids so hilarious that he was still laughing about it. You lifted your wine glass and shook the last few drops into your open mouth. The bottle was empty and you were consumed by a mountain of regret at only buying the one. 

It happened in an instant. The cold air quickly picked up speed around you took on a crisp fragrance and in that same moment there was a flash of bright light with an instantaneous loud boom that echoed inside your eardrums and made you scream as you covered your head from the loud scary noise. It echoed inside your chest and you could feel the shaking inside of you at the shock. It had been so fucking close you could feel the hairs on your arm standing upright. Without realizing it, your scream had turned into a quiet cry of fear and you could feel the trembling in your fingertips as you tried to wrap your arms around your body protectively. 

“Shh...Let’s go inside,” you could hear Baekhyun’s voice against your ear and you could feel the warmth of his arms wrapped around your shoulders. His arms were rubbing calming motions up and down your back as he steered you carefully around the corner toward the doorway that led to your bedrooms. As quickly as the lightning strike had filled you with a trembling terror happened the skies then opened up and a thunderous deluge of freezing water fell from the heavens and instantly soaked you both from head to toe. 

“Shit,” he cursed out loud. Ice cold rainwater slapped hard against your skin. Frigid winds whipped the streams of rain over your head, biting and stinging against your face and you both ran for cover as his hands found the door and pushed it open in front of you and you stepped inside the silent darkness of his bedroom with two or three steps in with Baekhyun pushing through the doorway behind you. You heard the grunt and the effort behind you as he pulled the door closed tightly and when the door was shut you were bathed in complete still blackness. 

“The power’s out,” you heard him say through chattering teeth and after a second of rustling sounds a beam of light from his raised cellphone illuminated the darkened space. 

It felt so foreign to you. This room was always a hum of lights and sounds and noise and everything was just dead. The plug pulled; the life snuffed out, you were overwhelmed by just how loud the silence in this room felt. It was suffocating. 

You were shaking where you stood. Too cold and still trembling too hard from the close call with the lightning to feel comfortable moving, you jumped and yelped when the sounds of Baekhyun moving around his room shocked you again. He was moving through the darkness, using the flashlight from his cell phone to see. You heard so much movement but could hardly make out what all was happening until you felt someone tugging at the soaking wet hoodie you wore. 

“Take this off before you catch a cold.” Baekhyun was speaking to you in the darkness and you felt cold slim fingers pushing dry garments into your hands. 

The light from his phone went out and you were bathed in darkness again. 

“Hurry and change, you’re shaking too much.” 

You could hardly grip the hem of your soaked sweater with how badly your hands were shaking and you had dropped the warm dry clothes he had given you somewhere down at your feet. 

“B-Baek, I d-drop-ped — c-can’t s-see,” the chattering of your teeth felt violent. You felt as if you could bite off your tongue or crack a molar with as hard as they were chattering. Was this just the cold or had you been hit by that lightning outside and were you about to drop dead from the electric currents running through your body?

A person appeared before you. You felt him there. Your eyes were beginning to adjust to the blackness and occasionally flashes of lightning through the window would illuminate bits here and there. You could make out the outline of his broad shoulders. There was a flash were you saw his skin. Another flash with a fresh shirt pulled over his head and you were beginning to feel numb to the cold. Numb and dizzy feeling all over; like you could drop to the floor right here.

“Lift your hands.” His voice called to you and you did as you were told, feeling the sticky way your clothes clung to you and tried to hold on. Your skin below was icy and bare. Fingers that were so much warmer than your own slipped down your hips, pushing wet garments down. Heavy soaked jeans. Wet panties. You even dropped your arms to let your bra fall to the floor at your feet and a warm fluffy towel wrapped you up quickly as he rubbed over the surface of you, drying your skin and warming you with the friction. 

It felt like life. Like you might just make it. 

“I don't have any underwear for you, I’m sorry. Just put these warm pants on.” You stepped into the legs of the pants and looked down at the sight of him crouched down on his knees before your nakedness. A flash of light illuminated the room for a fraction of a second. Just long enough for you to catch the drift of his eyes. Just long enough for his eyes to lift into your own and you knew that flash had been enough to imprint the image of you completely bare before him into his memory. 

You did not have enough heat in you to blush. He was moving faster, pulling a long sleeve sweatshirt over your head, covering your breasts and belly with the soft warm fleece. 

“Come lay down,” you were pulled by both arms. Your bare feet felt like ice cubes but they moved where you were led to lay down under the warm covers of his bed. 

Despite the fluffy blankets and the soft mattress below your feet, you still shivered. It was awful. Nothing you tried seemed to make you warm and Baekhyun had disappeared somewhere in the darkness. 

“Baek,” you called into the black but it was silent. He did not respond. You could feel a fearful panic begin to rise up. You just couldn't get warm enough. Where was he?

The wind shifted and you heard the rain hitting the windows of his bedroom harder and somewhere in the distance you heard a sound. It sounded like a struggle between a man and a patio door. Banging and thumping and cursing right out loud and then he barged back into his bedroom breathing hard and soaking wet again. 

“Here Bug, catch.” 

Something was coming. You felt panic then. You absolutely could not see anything in front of you and he’d just said the word catch which told you he was about to throw something at you and you screamed and buried your head deeper under his covers. 

You felt a light thump land over your chest. Something small. How dare he throw something at you during a blackout. You slipped your hand out cautiously and felt a plastic cylinder. It was a small flashlight. 

You turned it on and shone it across the room and Baekhyun was standing in the center of his room with his arms tight around his stomach, dripping wet from head to toe again from whatever he felt he needed to go back outside for. 

You could hear his heavy breathing and the shaking from across the room. 

“Baekhyun, get over here. You’re shaking.” His teeth chattered audibly and he rocked back and forth on his legs where he stood but he still wouldn’t move. 

“I h-had t-to get th-the st-st-stove—” 

You didn't need his explanations right now. He needed to get those wet clothes off and get under this blanket with you right now before he died of hypothermia. 

“Byun Baekhyun shut the fuck up and take off the wet clothes right now. Come here and get warm. I swear to God if you die—”

Finally he was moving. Your threats must have sounded serious enough for him to move close to the bed. The will to survive was strong. You clicked the flashlight off when he pulled off his shirt. Through the limited light from the windows you caught the drop of his pants and you pulled your focus up on the blackness of the ceiling above you when you felt the blanket move and the bed beside you dipped. 

The temperature of his body was a shock. He was so cold. All over; his skin was absolutely freezing and you turned into him as soon as you felt it. You laid your arms and legs over him and pulled his bare shoulders into your chest in a tight embrace. The hair on top of his head was very wet and you used the blanket to rub over his head, hoping the friction would help some; hoping to dry some of the wetness.

He was shaking so hard. Small vocalizations came from his throat with every other tremble as he tried to control it and you tried not to jump when you felt his icy fingertips make contact with your bare stomach when he’d reached for your warmth and the loose sweatshirt you wore had shifted to expose your skin. His fingers did not pull away. The desire for your warmth was too strong and his entire palm laid over your bare skin. Cold. So cold. You shifted then, moving your own hand over his own to cover where he was frozen. To warm him back up. The spot of your skin where his hand laid had lost too much heat and you gripped his hand in yours and placed it up higher on your rib cage where you had more warmth for him. 

You knew this was about survival. 

He was warming up. You could feel the change as his chest stopped shaking and he stopped moving his hand up higher on your skin. He’d stopped just short of your breast and your heart was racing so fast in your chest you figured he had to be able to feel it. 

The desire was a raging fire inside of you. His hands were warmer now and yet he was still touching so much of your bare skin. His legs had given up the vibrating tremble and you still felt the tightness of his thighs holding your legs hostage. 

The storm roared outside and inside here you both cocooned under this warm blanket in this shared bed and slowly, little by little you felt the warmth return to his body as it had returned to yours. 

He had gone motionless when his shaking stopped and his breathing evened out. You’d briefly considered that he might have fallen asleep until you felt a slight flex in his fingertips. His hand flinched and moved and you felt a delicate sweeping motion in his fingertips that touched the warm skin over your rib cage. 

Your eyes were closed as you focused on that movement and a small gasp of breath betrayed you when his thumb brushed along the underside of your bare breast. 

You had to breathe. You had to inhale to stay alive and the act brought with it the heady fragrance of his body that joined you under this blanket. 

You longed for more. You craved it. Shamelessness. With your eyes closed and his body heat pressed against you this way, what you wouldn't give to succumb to the desires that were flooding your body with more warmth than you could stand right now. 

You moved a hand then, trailing your fingertips lightly up his shoulder, curving toward his neck to lightly touch the softness of his cheek. 

His face turned with the feeling of your touch and you felt the hot breath from his parted lips that you touched with your fingertips. His breathing was heavy and it matched the labored breaths that came from your own chest. 

Baekhyun’s lips were soft to touch. You felt the motion of them as he pursed them lightly and kissed the tip of your fingers that touched his mouth so freely like this. 

You couldn't even remember what it felt like to be cold now. Every inch of your skin felt like it was burning. 

“I’m...dizzy,” his low whisper filled the air with more warmth and on his voice was a whining complaint, “I...think I am drunk.” 

His words made you pull your hand back down from his lips and you rested it over his chest as your mind whirled. 

Baekhyun rarely drank any alcohol at all. He’d consumed a half a bottle of wine, had an encounter with near hypothermic temperatures and now you had him naked in his bed with truly wicked and shameless intentions. While it didn't start out that way, the situation had quickly escalated and you’d done nothing to stop it. 

You were at war. Your desires and your conscience and you knew, you knew which one was on the right side. 

“You feel so warm,” his whisper was back and he leaned into you as he said it against your ear. Against your neck he breathed in deep and spoke again, “mmm...fuck — you smell so good. I feel like I am making a mistake. This is a mistake. Please, not like this — not drunk.”

You had never felt this frustrated and this turned on in your entire life.

He shifted then and you felt the dip as the bed moved and Baekhyun pushed up with his arms and pushed with his legs and he rolled over you on the bed, placing a knee between your legs as he rolled you felt the push of his hips where they landed perfectly between your thighs. 

You wanted him. He felt so good on top of you. He fit perfectly between your parted legs, you wanted him.

You wanted to kiss him and hold him and you wanted the sex; you wanted to wrap your arms and your legs around his waist and pull him down into you but his words were protesting. You knew, you knew this could not happen. 

You wouldn't do that to him. You would not, absolutely would not let his first time be a drunken mistake. You had more self control than that. 

Something on the bed rolled when he moved and it knocked against your hand. Something hard and plastic. You reached for the flashlight and clicked the button, sending a burst of illumination up into his face where he hovered over you on the bed. 

His eyes shaped shut at the sudden brightness and you struggled to keep yours open. 

“Baekhyun,” you said through clenched teeth. Your own breathing was too ragged to try and sound calm as you spoke and he dropped his face, turning away from the bright light. 

“We can’t.”

You bit down on your bottom lip. You were insane. You had lost your entire mind. You were in love with him, he was so beautiful and he was practically begging, begging you to fuck him right now. You felt the push of his hips between your legs and everything. But his words. And when his eyes opened you could see how glassy and disconnected his focus was. He was drunk and you would not do that to him. 

“We can’t do this.”

It took a palm placed gently on his face for him to look into your eyes with any real focus and realization. “You know we can’t.” 

With his chest heaving and his cheeks pink and flushed he looked into your eyes and nodded his head, knowing that you were right. Knowing that this had been a weak moment brought on by alcohol, made worse by the storm and the compromising position you had found yourself in and you felt him shift and push himself off of you. 

You turned off the flashlight as he moved; in some attempt to save your sanity from having to relive the beautiful image of his naked body positioned on top of yours. It didn't really help. You were a mess anyway. 

When he was off of you and covered on his bed, your only course of action was to leave this place. You could not stay so close to the temptation that had nearly undone everything. You could not even imagine waking up the next morning after such a drunken occurrence had occurred. At least you were leaving with your pride still intact. At least you would be able to look him in the eyes tomorrow morning and still feel like you were a good person. 

You sat on the edge of his bed for a moment. Willing the chaos inside of your body to slow down some so you would not stumble as you walked out of here. 

It took some doing. You could still feel it all over your body and you turned to look behind you at the man laying on his bed fighting whatever internal battle he was fighting and you found his eyes open, watching you. 

He moved a hand and laid it over your own, squeezing lightly with his fingers. 

“Thank you,” he said, “I’m sorry,” he added with a wince on his pretty face. 

A wave of distaste rose inside at the sight; a feeling so powerful it led your movement down to him. 

You leaned into him and you pressed your lips into the softness of his cheek, kissing him once. It took considerable strength to pull your lips away from him. It took even more strength to push yourself into a standing position and walk out of his bedroom, but you did it. You would even be okay eventually. After a shower and a glass of cold water, you would get past this and you would be able to keep living here without having fucked up the only good thing in your life during a moment of weakness. 

You would be okay. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Angst / (Eventual) Smut 18+
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers / unresolved sexual tension
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/

  


Love was agony.

Sleep was an evasive bastard. When the power finally came back on you’d been shivering under your bed covers in complete silence for an hour— since you left his bed and his warmth.

If the dark silent cold in your bedroom didn’t kill you, you would have certainly died from sexual frustration.

And what could you do? You felt much too guilty to be able to chase a solo release at the thought of him like that, in the state that he had been in; drunk as he was and well out of control of his own body; when he very clearly hadn’t wanted to be doing what he was doing — with that heat and desire you felt him push between your parted thighs, so heavily influenced by the cold temperature of his body and by the alcohol in his blood that lowered every single inhibition he’d had in him.

The guilt came from just how badly you wanted to go back in there and take full advantage of what he had seemed to offer with his body; while his words protested at the very thought of a drunken mistake with you.

It would have been a mistake.

You rubbed your hands over your arms slowly; telling yourself again and again that you had done the right thing.

Eventually, when the lights came back on and the gentle hum of electronics that came to life in your home turned back on and brought your hazy mind back to reality; a light switch also flickered on inside of your mind and you felt the spell of the storm and the weak neediness that had bewitched you so completely, snuffed out.

He hadn’t wanted it. Not really; not like that and maybe even, not with you.

You felt ill.

Your body felt flushed and your limbs ached.

Your stomach churned and the back of your throat was dry.

The longer you laid awake in your bed the more your memory played tricks on you.

You began to see things you weren't sure had been there. A flash of lucidity in his eyes as he looked into yours. The purposeful action of his lips as he kissed the tips of your wandering fingertips and you were sure, you were sure he looked into your face seeing exactly who you were as he directed those kisses at you; they were for you.

You shook your head. This was a dangerous train of thought.

Perhaps a shower would help get rid of the flash-burned image of him down on his knees before your naked body with a look of definite longing in his eyes and a pulsing heaving in his chest as he feasted on the unobstructed view of all of you bare before him.

You wanted to cry. If not from confusion then from pure frustration.

You didn’t know what he wanted. It was making you crazy. Not the wacky & harmless, granola-eating kind of crazy, but the dangerous kind of crazy that made you want to run out of this shower right now with shampoo bubbles still in your hair; skin bare, wet, and dripping all over the wooden floors to demand answers from the man to questions you would never in a million years have the courage to ask him.

Questions like:

Did he want you as badly as you wanted him?

Did his chest also ache whenever he watched you silently from across the room?

Did he also want to spend the rest of his life making you laugh?

Did he love you? Did he love you? Did he love you and was it worth ruining everything for?

You weren't scared of the love. You’d been living with it for long enough to know you could handle it well enough. You could take it. You could push it down and withstand denying your own selfish pleasures if it meant you could stay by his side and support him in anything he wanted to do with his life.

You were scared of losing him. Losing this life you had with him, this amazing friendship and companionship you’d nurtured and enjoyed. You were scared of not being able to pay him back for all of the help he’d given you.

Yes, you relied on him for a lot. For too much. You’d kept detailed records of everything he’d ever paid for, for every single month of missed rent you owed him and even for the difference in what you’d originally agreed to pay to live here minus to what you’d finally bullied him into accepting when you finally found another job.

You felt a deep rooted apprehension inside of you. Something was changing and it was terrifying. You did not understand it and you could not just stand by and continue to live your life as you had been, taking so much from him and never giving back anything.

Maybe this was part of the reason you’d been so proactive about helping him with his anxiety about women. Maybe this was how you could pay him back. Whether or not things worked out with Mia, you were struck with the undeniable knowledge that you simply could not allow yourself to rely on this beautiful human being; to use him so willfully without any sort of regard for what was right and proper. Maybe what you both needed was something to even things out between you both. Maybe you could continue being his best friend and confidant and #1 supporter if you at least knew that if something did happen to develop between the two of you and things didn't end up working out you wouldn't be completely destitute and out on the street alone.

You’d been trying; since you started feeling the guilt about his generosity, you’d been saving as much as you could and as you checked your accounts you found that you actually had a pretty decent sized savings now. Much more actually than you even realized you’d have. Much more. You might even be able to settle your debts to him.

You couldn't help yourself, in the wee hours of the morning when you’d usually be stumbling half asleep into his bedroom to watch him — well you couldn't do that now, you absolutely could not face him yet — instead you browsed through various apartments and rentals in the area. Small units mostly. Nothing as wonderful as this place, but a single studio in a dorm style tower a few blocks away was surprisingly affordable. Sure you’d have to share a kitchen with other flat mates but honestly it didn't sound like the worst place to live and it was still close enough to his place that you could come over and see him any time you felt like.

Maybe if you kept things cordial with him after...after — maybe you could come over and wash your laundry on the weekends.

You printed the brochure for the building, feeling an odd peace wash over you at whatever might happen between you and Baekhyun now that you had a solid plan for the worst case scenario. It felt a little bit like taking out an insurance policy. You hoped nothing terrible would happen, but you wouldn't be caught unprepared if it did.

You would survive at least; whatever happened.

Whatever he wanted to do, or didn't want to do...whatever he felt in his heart when he looked at you and whatever emotions might be behind the confusing and heart fluttering moments that filled your most recent memories with him...anything could happen, right?

Maybe.

Maybe he felt the same as you did.

When you finally emerged from your room you heard the sounds of life in the kitchen. Baekhyun was up. Baekhyun was chopping vegetables and the steady clack clack clack on the wooden cutting board did not slow or stagger as you made your way into the kitchen.

“Morning, Peanut,” you called out as casually as you could manage and his eyes remained down on the several hundred tiny cubes of carrots he was working on. He had piles of them, not just orange in color but you saw white and green cubes, all identical size and shapes piled up on a tray next to his cutting board. It was an early morning frenzy.

“Morning, Bug,” he said softly amid the loud chopping sounds that nearly drowned his voice out entirely. 

“What are you making?” Your feet did not slow as you walked past him and you tried your absolute best to keep from looking too closely at the lovely curve of his spine that flowed into his long neck with his strong shoulders and arms with the obvious muscles that flexed with each noisy hit of the blade against the wood. The vegetables never stood a chance.

“Nobody’s favorite fried rice,” he said with a quick pause in chops to look at your face for a second. As quickly as he looked at you his eyes dropped back down to his work and he did not look at you again as you made your way to grab your brochure from the printer at the far end of the kitchen.

You quickly folded your sheet and stuck it in your pocket before he had a mind to notice and inquire about what you had printed. The last thing you wanted to do was explain your exit plan should the dramatic, whirlwind romance you’d planned for later turn sour and he kicked you out on the street with your suitcase full of overcoats in one hand and your Deluxe Toastmaster Supreme in the other.

You pulled open the fridge and removed the bottles of sauces he always used for fried rice, placing them on the countertop beside the stove, you then grabbed two eggs to fry for the top.

He would be done with his mountains of vegetables soon and maybe then he would look at you. Maybe he would soften out this odd roughness and smile at you like he usually did in the mornings. Maybe he would brush his warmth against where you stood and bump your elbow to his elbow as he cooked.

He didn’t though. When he was finished with the chopping he turned to the stove to begin frying everything up and even when you handed him the bowls to serve the rice he looked at you so sparingly and only when absolutely necessary for the purpose of handing you a bowl and not dropping it right on the floor at your feet.

You were staring at him.

He was avoiding you and you were beginning to feel a sting from it inside your chest.

He was seated across from you at the table and you’d watched him shovel bite after bite of rice into his mouth without looking up at you once since he’d started eating. He was eating fast. You’d expected some sort of choking sounds to happen, with as quickly as he shoveled and when the first scrapes of the metal spoon against the ceramic bowl sounded out you watched him struggle with barely held together lips and his cheeks stuffed absolutely full of food. He winced when he swallowed it all down.

He would get a stomachache from this. He would feel awful later for sure.

You’d eaten a few bites in the time it took him to finish and you began to bargain and beg with the heavens that he had just been ravenously hungry this morning and his scary silence had nothing to do with extreme regrets about what had nearly happened between you and him in his bed last night.

What he didn't want to happen; not drunk and not with you.

The sick hope you’d fooled yourself into encouraging all morning long was beginning to ache in your belly. You had to stop eating. You put your spoon down and drank water, hoping for the ache to just be some stuck food that needed some help going down.

“I’m sorry,” his voice broke through your swallowing and you looked up to find his face lifted up from the table at last and a glimpse of his brown eyes touched yours briefly before he closed them and inhaled a deep breath, “for how I acted last night...”

His eyes were down on the table again and his lips were still parted as if he had more to say. His mood had been so quiet and strange you didn't dare interject despite the screaming that was happening inside your head. You couldn’t make yourself speak. You could only shake your head back and forth. An impotent and useless _no, no, no_ yelling out again and again inside your mind.

“I’m sorry and I promise I won’t ever do that again. I don't want you to misunderstand or feel uncomfortable in your own home because I acted like that.”

The yelling inside your head stopped. You were still staring at his face but your focus had drifted the longer you looked at him and listened to the words he was telling you; his apology that came out swiftly once he’d gotten started.

He…

He didn’t want that...with you. Your silly heart had run away with your mind.

You were right to stop it last night when you did. You were right to stop him from making a mistake that he would regret forever.

You lifted your water glass to drink and the liquid went down in a painful ball. You should have eaten your fill of breakfast when he was shoveling his down. If you had known this was coming…

The three bites would have to do.

You felt ill.

Baekhyun was looking at you; no he was staring at you and as desperate as you’d been for his attention all morning you couldn't help but scorn your own foolish desire for this attention now that you sat under the scrutiny of his watchful gaze.

Would he know? Would he see how closely you had come to ruining the friendship you both relied so heavily on?

“Baekhyun,” your voice sounded weak despite the incredible effort it took to speak right now, “you don't have to apologize. You didn’t do anything to be sorry for.”

He didn’t want...you. Not like that, it seemed.

The rejection burned. Your throat felt obstructed and you tried to swallow down the awkward lump. The realizations were coming back to you. The memory of your fresh-as-spring crush on him that hit you so easily when you first got to know him. The knowledge that nothing could come of it. The struggles you fought to push it down; to bury it deep so it would never see the light of day. And now, what? Look at what you had let happen. You felt so stupid.

“You know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?” His eyes were still on you but you had to look down. There was so much warmth in them as he looked at you, you could hardly stand to feel that incredible warmth that did absolutely nothing to help the lump in your throat go down.

Your silence stretched and you closed your eyes well into it. Your chest ached and your fingertips rubbed along the metal handle of your abandoned spoon.

You felt him then. The back of your hand was covered, coated by him and the heat of his soft skin made your eyes open and you looked down to see what you felt happening.

“LoveBug?” His slim fingertips moved over your hand, wrapping around your palm, encasing your hand with a firm purposeful grasp and you looked up into his face.

His eyes held many things. Concern, worry, and enough affection to warrant such deep emotions. The worry marred his pretty features and turned his smile down into a fierce pout. You saw a furrow in his brows and a tremble in his bottom lip. His eyes looked glassy and you felt an urge to combat this expression he had grown on his face because of you. 

You pushed again. Pushed it down, pushed it far away, grabbed every bit of disappointment and sadness, anguish and misery that had crested up inside of you and you shoved with all of your might.

For all of your efforts you managed a meager movement in your face.

A smile. It was a small smile, but you pushed it up to your eyes. You felt the tremble in your lips as you did it.

You would survive this. You could handle this much to spare him the pain of believing that he had caused you any harm.

You turned your hand over, pushing your own fingertips up and around his to grip his hand tightly and you pushed your smile to convincing widths.

“You forgive me?” His question was punctuated with the smallest melancholy grin on his face and a half blink of his eyes.

You nodded your head and reached for your spoon with your free hand to force down some more bites of your breakfast. “Of course...and always, Peanut,” you said between big bites, “there is nothing be forgiven for. But if it makes you feel better for me to say it, then, yes.”

You’d expected a relieved sigh. The crumbling of the tension that sat in his shoulders as he dropped his chin and let out a deep breath that he had been holding. You expected the brightness of his eyes and wide gorgeous smile to fill his pretty face.

Baekhyun sat across from the table and the tightness with which he held your hand did not lessen any bit. His lips had flattened and his eyebrows evened out; the disarming pout was long gone and his eyes stared into your eyes. The relief you’d been waiting for never manifested on his face.

You could not hold your cheerful smile forever. Surely that delicate bubble would settle any second now and pop. Still you worked through it, chewing your food and swallowing without tasting. Still you faked a happy face long enough for his thoughtful, careful observation of your face to pass and long enough for Baekhyun’s phone to buzz in his pocket.

“Hey, what’s your day like today?”

You’d been pounding a fist discretely over your chest, willing your breakfast to settle when he spoke up with his phone in his hand.

You shrugged lightly, “just work,” you said. It was the end of a work week and you had been slacking a lot lately. You knew you’d have a lot to get through before you were done today and unfortunately that meant it would take probably the entire 8 hours you would be billing them for.

“I kind of have a lot to do,” you added, feeling a bit of disappointed at the thought of missing out on whatever he needed your help with just because you had a stupid, yet real job to do.

“How much is a lot? Do you have time to help out a few of my friends? You know, like you’re helping me? They would pay you, of course.”

“You mean like...help them with dating?” You’d eaten all you could and your curiosity was thoroughly piqued. Maybe you could just rush through the day. Perhaps a sloppy half-assed job was better than an unfinished job.

Baekhyun nodded and stood when you did, grabbing the breakfast dishes and helping you clean up the table as he asked more questions about your workload for the day and then even more questions about what sorts of dating apps you needed access to and what kind of information you would need from his friends.

As you both got to talking he mentioned something about writing a program for you to quickly get your data entry tasks completed and out of the way, and then he was talking about another idea he had for an app to allow you to access your new _client’s_ dating profiles, approve profile pictures, and provide them with study materials as you had done for him, monitor their progress and offer feedback as necessary. The more he talked, the more you began to grow excited about this. Was Baekhyun actually serious about making an app for you? Were you about to embark on an exciting new profession? Was this really something you could pull off?

The man was amazing.

After he’d spent all of 20 minutes creating what he called “a kind of boring, super basic cheat” which, yes, boring given the nature of the work, and upon hearing his confusing jumble of words explaining what he did, did not seem basic in any way at all, but did seem very, very cheaty. Your entire day’s work was reduced to a few clicks on some keys and you blinked as fields were populated on their own and you didn’t even have to worry about typos or sore wrists.

Honestly, after seeing first hand what he was capable of doing to help you through the work, you felt as if you’d been scammed for a whole year. You leaned back in your computer chair and threw your head back to complain.

“I can't believe you’ve been watching me suffer for a year and you could make something like this the whole time.”

Your complaints were met with an indifferent shrug from him.

“A little suffering never hurt anybody,” he said in an infuriating pompous monotone and you frowned in disgust at this sentiment of his.

The sight of your misery brought a wide smile to his face and you frowned even further.

“Besides, look at how fast you type now. What are you pulling, like 120-130 wpm and 99% accuracy? Ugh. It’s so goddamn sexy, Bug...”

You knew he was teasing you. You could see in the over the top lecherous look he shot you and you hated how easily you felt the blush rise up to your cheeks at his playful words.

He wasn’t even accurate about your stats. An urge to correct his misinformation surged and you leaned in closer to where he sat at your desk in the fancy gaming chair he’d wheeled across the apartment into your bedroom so he could work his magic in the ‘kind of comfort he deserved’ or so he said. You leaned in very close to him to set him straight.

“150 words and 99.8% accuracy, Peanut,” the smugness in your own voice coupled with the heat you felt lingering all over your body sent words out of your mouth an octave lower than you might have intended and the slight widening of his eyes as he took his focus off of whatever he’d been typing on your screen and looked into your eyes made your breath catch in your throat. You caught a tremble in his eyebrow, it bounced once above his eye and his nose scrunched lightly as he looked at your face and shook his head once.

“Shit, 150?” He mouthed and pulled his lips wide, baring his teeth. You grinned and bit down on your lip, the smallest nod of your head with a genuinely flirtatious slow blink of your eyes to answer his question.

What was wrong with you? Your heart was racing from the close proximity. You couldn’t help the way your eyes found his lips as he spoke. If this was anyone else other than Baekhyun you would have been sure he was flirting back.

“Girl of my fucking dreams,” Baekhyun said in a low tone and it took a second of him looking into your face for the playful smile he wore to flatten out entirely and for the rapid racing of your heartbeat to alert you that perhaps your own reaction might not be as inconspicuous as you thought.

Your triumphant smile had vanished and you ticked your head back as if your body was pulled by marionette strings being controlled by your overly cautious sense of self-preservation. You straightened your shoulders and spine and put some distance between your eyes and his pretty lips and you put some distance between both of your faces and the fading memory of the taste of his lips.

Your quick movement made him spring into action and he leaned away from you and turned to face the screen as if he’d just been caught doing something forbidden.

“Sorry,” he said and he cleared his throat and shook his head as he bit down on his bottom lip and lasered his focus on the lines of scary looking text you saw flying across the screen.

His ears were pink and he chewed on his lip and occasionally lifted his left hand to chew on his fingertip. Again and again your eyes zeroed in on his mouth. How could you get through working this closely with him on this project if you couldn't even manage to stop looking at his lips? You forced your focus away and found more interest in the rapid apology that flew out of his mouth just now.

Why would he be so quick to apologize? Weren’t you the one who had been flirting with him? Weren’t you the one sitting too close to him and looking at his lips as he said these playful things to you.

The longer you watched him in silence and more confused you felt about this entire thing. Last night — the look you saw in his eyes that really did not feel as if he’d lost control of himself due to the alcohol; even the night of the fake date and after everything, the way he stayed at your door long after the game was over just to pull you into his lips for a passionate goodnight kiss. A kiss that felt very real at the time.

Had that really all been in your head? Was this whole thing really one-sided?

Your thoughts raced about his behavior this morning and how strange it felt to see him draw that line and call it a drunken mistake. He felt like a riddle that you’d been trying to solve for too long and every time you thought you had come close to solving it, the clues would change and you’d be thrown right back to step one.

The mood quickly shifted as he began showing you samples screens of your new dating coach app.

You were amazed at how quickly it came together. Baekhyun said some nonsense about repurposing something he had already built last year but you still watched him with stars in your eyes like he was made of pure magic.

You had given your approvals on the visual designs and layouts of various functions and suggested the name _First Base Coach._

He looked at you curiously when you’d suggested the name and after a second of thoughtful pause he opened a search window to look up detailed definitions of the different bases of dating.

“So first base would be kissing, and you’ll be helping up until they get to first base,” he said as he read out loud from the search results, “second base is manual stimulation, like...over the clothes stuff, uhh below the waist.”

“I think it’s called _heavy petting_ ,” you added and you listened to him with as passive an expression as you could force on your face. It wasn't that you were uncomfortable hearing him speak about these things. It was just hard to keep your mind from playing visuals as an example of the different things he read out loud. Unfortunately the visuals all seemed to involve him acting them out.

“Third base is oral sex, and uhhh...penetrative sex is a home run.” Baekhyun’s face was pink. You knew he wasn’t very comfortable talking so frankly about sex, but since you’d begun helping him with his love life you noticed he started to speak more freely with you about things like this.

It wasn’t helping your crush on him at all. You had enough daydreams already, you didn't need more plot points for them.

“Does that mean you and I have been to first base with each other?” His question took you off guard and your eyes were wide when you turned to look at him.

Was he seriously asking you this right now? After he said the words penetrative sex out loud with his own mouth?

“No,” you said on impulse and he closed his open mouth quickly as he looked back at the computer screen with a raised pointing finger.

“Kissing,” he said with fiery eyes and you shook your head.

“But we aren’t dating, so it doesn't count.” It felt so weak. You grasped at the flimsiest excuse and held on tight as hell and he was looking at you closely with a challenging squint in his eyes.

“So are you telling me, that because you and I aren’t dating, I could kiss you again right now and it still wouldn't be first base.”

Baekhyun was a logical man. He was an expert at making sense out of any situation and a side effect of his excellent logical brain was his ability to sniff out your bullshit from a mile away.

He also knew you well enough to know how stubborn you were when you were trying to prove your argument against him.

He watched your face for longer than you thought you could stand and when he finally turned away from you he was grabbing your cell phone and unlocking it, swiping a few times and plugging the thing into the cable that came out of the computer.

You quietly exhaled the breath that had stuck in your lungs so he wouldn't notice your struggle to breathe like a normal person.

He hadn’t said anything as he worked and you replayed his last statement again and again in your head, knowing that you hadn’t at all begun to answer him.

What was the big deal? So you’d been to first base with your roommate Byun Baekhyun who you were in love with and who was opening this line of questioning with you after rejecting the hell out of you this morning with his simpering apologies and excuses about drunken mistakes that would absolutely never happen again.

You grabbed the phone when he handed it to you and moved away from where he leaned back in his chair to sit on your bed.

“Try it out. Click everything. Try and break it,” he said in a flat voice.

You opened your sparkly new app and did as you were told. You clicked everywhere, opening and closing the different functions, impressed at how smooth and quickly everything seemed to be working. The app seemed to be compatible with a variety of different dating platforms and you wondered how in the world he pulled this off. It was intuitive and so easy to maneuver. He was looking down at his own phone as he typed and you saw a message pop up on your screen that said you had a new client.

It was Baekhyun’s dating profile that you now had access to and you could see the entire thing. More than just seeing it, you had editing powers and the ability to send or delete messages to his contacts. You could send him your own private messages as well and he’d even added a section with course materials and your very own grading system.

It was incredible. The man was the most incredible human being you’d ever known and he was just sitting here looking at you as you laid down on your bed with your phone in your face and an enormously proud smile taking you over completely.

You’d rolled over on your bed, turning away from him, fully engrossed in the content you had on your phone. You noticed that he had many, many unread messages from different girls and you scrolled through them catching the odd gem of a woman who, had it not been for your confidence in Mia, you might actually look into pursuing in his name. It had been a while since you’d looked through his matches and as you were drawn in you felt the bed beside you dip as the warmth of his body laying down beside you coated your back from head to toe.

He was behind you on your bed. Your smile faltered when you felt him there and his arm came into your line of sight as he reached a hand forward to touch the screen of your phone with his fingertips.

He was speaking, saying something about the features he’d added for photo editing and how he’d even put a video call function so you could connect with your clients face to face to discuss their dating goals and you would interview them to get a better idea of their personalities and what they might be looking for in a date.

He was talking shop. He was fully engrossed in the technical features he had packed into this app and his fingers had taken over the scrolling as you merely held the phone up so he could see the screen as he peaked over your shoulder.

You did your best to pay attention, hoping he wouldn't quiz you on this later because honestly his breath smelled nice and he was so close you’d just felt the softness of his cheek brush against your cheek and he was so soft and warm you had to close your eyes to deal with it. His arm was rested over your shoulder and you swore you could smell that cologne he had worn the night of the date.

You inhaled deeply and slowly, hoping the fragrance would linger for a long time in your nose for the entire time you kept breathing.

He’d said something. It was a question.

You had missed it.

You turned your head toward the sound of his voice and opened your eyes, feeling the movement in his face as he turned to look down at you and he pulled his face back enough so he could see you.

It wasn’t much, but he was very close and your head swam. You were blinking quickly, trying to get your mind to sharpen and remember what he had asked you but it was no use. His face was so close and his lips were pink and within kissing distance.

“Hmm?” You finally asked by way of a single questioning hum from the back of your throat and you caught the shift of his eyes over your face and the sound of him swallowing the moisture in his mouth.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” His question was a whisper and you pulled your focus up from his lips to look into his soft brown eyes.

You shook your head back and forth. Despite the burning flames happening inside of your body you hated the idea of him moving and losing the warmth and connection you were feeling with him right now. Maybe it really had been too long since anyone had touched you. You felt like you needed this and maybe he did too.

“I don't want to make you uncomfortable,” he said and his jaw clenched down hard enough for the muscles to pop.

“No, this is nice,” you said and you leaned your head back against him, enjoying the resistance of having someone so solid at your back. “You feel so nice and warm.”

“So do you,” he replied after a while and you felt his exhaled breath warm the back of your neck. After a moment you felt the tension in his muscles give and he relaxed behind you as you relaxed your own body and let yourself lean against him.

You gave into it fully and let your eyes close sinking in the incredible comfort of him when your quiet calm was interrupted by a soft giggle from his chest.

His chest which was right up against your own so that his small laugh vibrated against your back and pulled you out of the peace.

“I cannot believe how stubborn you are,” he said and lifted his head. You could tell by the height that he was propped on his arm bent at the elbow and from the direction of his voice his head was just hovering above yours.

You shifted upon hearing the amusement on his voice and turned to look at him once more, angling your shoulders and your neck so you could see his face much more clearly.

His eyes followed your motion and he looked down at you. “Just admit it. You and I kissed, so that’s first base, Bug. Your argument is so flawed.”

This again. The man was as stubborn as he was brilliant. You rolled your eyes as a response and tried your best to keep the defeated smile from your lips.

“So by your, extremely flawed and fucking fake logic, if you and I slept together — sorry, I mean, if we had ‘penetrative sex,’ last night,” he lifted his free hand and made a single air quote with his fingers and you physically winced at the gross words he said out loud, “that would not have been a home run.”

You lifted a highly offended hand with a single finger raised.

“Okay. One —“ you listed in clear and concise pronunciation without a single bit of red hot embarrassment present on your tongue, “we would not have slept together—”

“Penetrative sex,” he said, interrupting you much too confidently and you choked down a laugh.

“And two: we aren’t dating each other. So the _bases of dating_ do not apply to you and me.”

Baekhyun tossed his head back and let out a frustrated laugh into the air above him and when he returned there was absolutely no sign on his face that he bought what you were selling.

“Just say it’s first base, Bug. Just admit that you are wrong. It’s not like it even matters. These are inconsequential words here. I win.”

At this point who was right and who was wrong did not matter. Your most pressing problem right now was how very annoyed you were at the very idea of admitting that he was right.

You can admit that it wasn’t the smartest move you could have made. You hadn't even realized that you’d done it until halfway through when you closed the distance between your faces and when you felt the warm softness of his lips mold under your own, the immediate sensation was the sweet sinking of his lips as you pressed your own against them. You kissed him — your lips on his lips. Softness to softness. Warmth to warmth.

The second sensation was the surprised puff of air that came from his nose when he’d realized what you had done and yet the most satisfying sensation was the sound of his absolute stunned silence. That was unparalleled in this entire world.

You’d shut him up. That was for damn sure.

Your kiss was short. You pulled away nearly as soon as it happened and you pulled your eyes open with a smug smirk on your face and you tried your absolute best to ignore the deafening pounding of your heart that echoed against your eardrums.

“See,” you said, “not first base.” Your own eyebrow danced over your eye and his vision sharpened as he inhaled a new breath of air and he looked through his half closed eyelids down at you, not saying a word to declare you the victor in this silly argument that didn't mean a damn thing to the winner or the loser.

Your little victory was short lived. Baekhyun moved again; his hand first. You felt the tips of his thumb and index finger land just over your chin. You felt just enough pressure applied to grip your chin and move your face closer to his, just enough to tilt your face into his and the view of him blurred out of focus.

You felt too stunned to move or to say anything and your smile had certainly fallen. He was moving closer but before you felt anything you felt his thumb again, brushing lightly over the softness of your bottom lip. It was too much. You were too affected by this simple touch from his thumb that you gasped; call it surprise if you want, or a single breath of desire to be precise and your lips parted with the intake of air. 

He moved then and he lowered his face to kiss you. You felt his lips slip between your parted ones and you felt the suction of his mouth as his lips closed over yours and he pulled your bottom lip into his mouth. You were lost. You felt him move and you opened your mouth, letting him in; wanting him in. You felt his tongue brush along yours and the slight pressure as his teeth bit down before he pulled away and broke the wet contact.

With that one kiss you felt destroyed. His lips were still parted; hovering just over yours yet he did not move in to kiss you again as you craved so desperately. Instead you opened your eyes to find his eyes open and watching your face so closely. Your breathing felt too heavy, your chest visibly heaved up and down with the efforts and you felt the light tap of his index finger over your chin that he still gripped with his hand.

“Admit it,” his voice came out as a low husky groan and you could feel every warm puff of air from his lungs blow past your wet tongue. He tasted as good as he felt. “You and I have been to first base.”

“I thought I would only help up to first base, Baekhyun,” your own voice sounded so much more affected than you thought possible and yet you pushed the words out, trying to ignore the absolute chaos happening all over your body, “if we’ve been to first base then I guess you don't need me to help you on our double date tomorrow.”

“Do you really think you’re ready to do it alone?”

You were a coward. A stubborn coward with messed up priorities, but at least, at least reminding him about the date tomorrow got him to remove his hand from your chin and it got him to close his lips up and remember that his goal of this whole thing, what he really actually had taken this so seriously for, was Mia.

He’d only begun to give a damn about dating when he first chatted with her. He’d only really given it his all when he got to know her and found out that there could be someone out there who shared all of the same interests as him and who matched him in professional achievements, in intelligence, in skills, and in income as well.

If he thought he could be so reckless with his lips and his touches and so liberal with his rejections; that he would have the gall to call it first base with you while he was still pursuing her...you were burning alive at the thought.

“Well?” You prodded when he sat up on the bed and rotated to set his feet down on your floor.

“I mean, okay. Let’s say it’s first base...but that means you are done and I will stop helping you date girls, without ever even going out with Mia. I mean if you don't really want to go out with her, I guess I’ll just have to focus on helping my other clients now.”

“I forgot about the date,” his hands were fisted in front of his face and you could see the slow and careful tap of his fist against his parted lips as his unfocused eyes searched the room in front of him.

“Unless you just want to cancel it completely,” you’d said it softly. Flippantly. Hopefully. With an iron cage carefully placed over your heart, just in case his reaction was painful, “the date with Mia. I mean you don't really have to go if you don't want to. You don't have to go, Baekhyun.”

He was looking ahead as you talked and his hands did not stop the tapping as his mind was very obviously occupied with what was coming tomorrow.

You held your breath after you’d put the idea out there. The idea that he didn’t really have to go out with her. The idea that maybe, maybe what he was looking for wasn't really out there at all.

“No, I’ll go.” He said the words so easily. As easily as he’d kissed you minutes earlier.

The words ripped at your throat and made your chest burn.

“I’ll go out with her. I want to. I think it— it would be good for me.”

You sat up on your bed and curled your legs up, wrapping your arms around your bent up knees and you rested your chin over the top of them. You hated being right about this. She would be good for him. He knew it, and you knew it. She wouldn't be a drain on his talents. She would make her own career launching apps. Not nearly as good as his but still. You couldn't even come close.

“You win,” he looked into your eyes and he lied to you; you hadn’t won anything at all. “It wasn’t first base because you and I aren’t dating each other. I guess last night too...would have been just…”

 _A mistake_. 

You heard and you understood the undertones. Last night, sleeping with you, would have been a mistake. He didn’t want you to stop helping him because that was his goal. Dating someone else was his goal.

He inhaled a deep breath and used the energy built to push his legs up into a standing position and you watched him walk across your room toward your bedroom door.

At the door he paused and turned back to look at you.

“No, I guess it wouldn’t have been anything because it wouldn't have happened at all. You’re stronger than I am, Bug.” You hadn’t quite expected the pause and you’d already let your smile falter and slip.

You didn’t feel strong at all. When he looked at you, you hoped he didn't notice how useless and dumb you felt inside. You felt like a fraud.

“Thank you again...for helping me,” he said with a soft smile on his lips before lifting a finger to point at the phone abandoned on the bed beside you. His finger seemed to have a slight tremor as he lifted it but he steadied out some when he furrowed his eyebrows in your direction. “You’ll get some new clients tonight. I’m sending them the app. Don't be nervous, you’re so good at this.”

He turned to leave the room again, quickly adding one more thing before he was gone.

“But don't date any of _them_ either. They’re all fucking idiots.”

He left your room and you felt the chill of his absence all the way down to your bones as soon as the door clicked closed behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Angst / (Eventual) Smut 18+
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers / unresolved sexual tension
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)
> 
> A/N: DO NOT YELL AT ME! It is going to be okay. 

  


You had a secret.

For such an abstract and shapeless thing you could sure feel it sitting in there.

It was pulsing.

Your secret felt like a splinter lodged just under a single taste bud that sat in the center of your tongue. You could feel your white blood cells attacking it, trying their best to push it up and push it out, but still it clung tight with its sharp barbs lodged within your cell walls. You brushed your tongue against your teeth.

The secret did not budge.

What you knew about them though, was that secrets did not like to stay hidden forever.

* * *

Your fork slipped and clanked noisily against the ceramic plate and the bright orange carrot ball rolled across the smooth white surface nearly sliding over the edge onto the white linen. Whoever decided that your steamed vegetables needed to be shaped into spheres simply for aesthetics should be forced to come out here and explain how you were supposed to spear one of these things while also avoiding the risk of it shooting across the table and hitting your date in the face.

Ben turned out to be very nice. If you were into tall, handsome, clean-looking, and responsible guys who drove their own cars and also had things like health insurance and retirement plans. When you first saw him, you were struck by the firmness you felt when he shook your hand and smiled brightly at you. He had all of his teeth and a head full of hair. He was definitely walking around on his real legs too. He looked like the kind of guy who didn’t let the clean laundry sit in the dryer for longer than a day and changed out his toothbrush every three months. You couldn't see a single fault.

You were trying your best to make a good first impression.

Really, you were.

Well, while also keeping an eye on Baekhyun who sat beside you with his focus down on his plate as he sliced his food into bite sized bits. His control of the fork and knife felt so careful and so exacting, it neared obsession. He had not ordered the steamed vegetables. None of his food rolled.

Across from him, looking just as cute in person as her online dating profile pictures conveyed, was Mia.

Mia was fine.

She was fine.

You didn't want to get into it.

Her clothes were fine. They were exactly the kinds of clothes you had expected she would wear.

Her hair was fine.

She actually had a hairstyle that reminded you of one of the characters in an anime you watched with Baekhyun once and you wondered about the upkeep costs of that particular shade of blue that streaked through her hair. You wondered if she had to switch to blue towels and blue pillow cases or if everything in her house was just stained forever.

Baekhyun’s cheeks blushed when he shook her hand and his smile was bashful, if not a bit tight when she complimented his glasses. Your mind briefly considered the plush, expensive white towels you both owned at home and a flash of horror overcame you for a split second when you imagined those towels streaked with a blue stain from the shower.

He bought those glasses at a store. Anyone can go to the store and buy glasses. Did such a superficial compliment really warrant such a deep shade of pink on his cheeks?

You took a sip of your glass of wine and the sweet, cool liquid had a tart aftertaste that lingered on your taste buds long after you swallowed and you stabbed roughly at the runaway carrot again, impaling it with the prongs of your fork.

Finally.

“I got it,” you said out loud to yourself with a wide smile and you held your prize up in front of your face for a second. Long enough for your eyes to drift across your table to meet Ben’s and you caught the soft amused chuckle that puffed from his nose.

You’d already gotten through the backstory. Starting with the curious question from Mia about how you and Baekhyun got to know each other and you took a quick glance toward Ben as Baekhyun explained that you and he had been roommates for a couple of years. You caught the slight smile on Ben’s lips as he looked down into his water glass and you wondered if he was pleased that he already knew the answer to this question as you had been quick to tell him this important detail about your life as you chatted with him during the last week or so.

Mia on the other hand simply let her eyes drift over from Baekhyun’s face to land on yours for a moment and you offered a disarming smile by way of explanation. Not that either of you had any explaining to do. You could live with whoever you wanted to live with. It took her ten seconds to return your smile, although you didn't quite believe it, or believe that she was done with her curiosities about this topic.

You couldn't really blame her although you’d given her nothing to be suspicious about. Not in the last 20 minutes since you’d all arrived and nibbled on shared appetizers, at least.

Hell, you hadn’t even touched him all day. From before you both arrived at this fancy restaurant and just relinquished your coats to some stranger simply because she held a hand out and sported a severe enough hairdo and manic look in her eyes that was too frightening to question. From the morning when you woke up and wandered into your kitchen to make toast for one and you ignored the sound of his feet shuffling in, half-asleep to grab a yogurt from the fridge. You hadn’t even helped him style his hair; which looked stunning, by the way, with the waves and the faded brown color that absolutely looked like something the perfect boyfriend would let you play with as he laid on your lap. He hadn’t even asked for your help picking out his outfit. He’d simply done it all on his own and waited for you by the front door wearing _those jeans_ and smelling like that familiar scent that he bought for your date with him weeks back.

When had this all become so awkward? You’d never been afraid to touch Baekhyun before but now, well, the touches hadn’t ever concealed quite so much meaning before.

By the time the entrees arrived the conversations had moved on to hobbies and interests.

Ben was a movie buff, and his favorites were mostly mainstream blockbusters of the Marvel Superhero variety. He enjoyed many of the genres of films you’d mostly seen just the previews of. His top ten contained a bit more horror than you were comfortable with. One in particular, a prolific film based on a Steven King novel, had been the kind of psychologically terrifying film that made your chest rattle and you had spent most of the second half of that movie with your face buried in Baekhyun’s arm begging him to just describe to you what was happening and to tell you when the scary parts were over.

When he asked you what your favorite movie was you hesitated for a moment before pulling the movie _Forrest Gump_ out of basically thin air. Yes you had enjoyed the movie. Yes it was something you’d seen more than once and if it was on television right now you would sit down and watch it from start to finish and you would enjoy it. It was a respectable favorite to have. It was the kind of favorite movie you would not be embarrassed to show to your grandmother.

But it wasn’t actually your favorite and you could feel the burden of Baekhyun’s eyes as he turned his head to look at your face when you said it.

Something about naming, out loud with your own lips — the light and fun, mindless guilty pleasure of the film that was actually your favorite movie that you’d watched hundreds of times and returned to watch again and again every time you felt even a little bit upset; something about saying it out loud to this table of people with countless of hours of media consumption under their belts and opinions about things like prolific directors, production companies, hefty CGI budgets, and overused, tired tropes that absolutely should be dropped in 2021, well it just felt too vulnerable for you to say out loud.

You swallowed a sip of your wine and refused to turn your head to look at Baekhyun until you heard the sound of his throat swallowing the ice water he sipped.

When Mia changed the topic to Anime you felt Baekhyun come alive beside you and Ben slinked back in his seat a little as the two of them got to talking about something that was highly anticipated and was slated to be released next year. Rumors about artists and directors with names you could not know flew easily from their lips and Mia mentioned the name of one previous work that you recognized.

In fact you had watched the entire thing last year with Baekhyun and you remembered talking excitedly about it with Mia during one of your early text conversations.

Your face lit up and you happily joined in, excited to finally know what in the world they were talking about when you accidentally let something slip when you reminded her of what she had said about the anime before. Luckily you stopped yourself before you could admit that you had actually been the one she had been chatting with at the time.

Still, she caught it. She was very quick and sharp and you watched her face as she registered that you’d referenced something that only Baekhyun should know about. Had you just fucked up?

“Ahh, we,” you raised your index finger and waved it lightly toward where Baekhyun had stiffened up in his seat beside you, “he told me about what you said.”

There was a moment when her eyes widened and she looked at Baekhyun briefly before returning her focus to you.

“He...told you about me?” She lifted a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, straightened her back and leaned forward with her forearms rested in front of her plate on the table. Her off-the-shoulders number dipped when she leaned in and you caught a bit of black lace and the bunch up of her impressive bosom.

She smiled a coy smile aimed across the table.

You followed the smile and your eyes reached Baekhyun. He’d been hit with the smile and had been too stunned to return it. Instead, he lifted a hand and rubbed it over the back of his neck twice before reaching the same hand forward to grab the ice water he’d been sipping all night as he pulled in a mouthful and puffed his cheeks before covering his lips with his flattened palm and swallowing noisily.

“I also mentioned you to my friend,” Mia said not quietly enough for it to be just for him and you dropped your eyes down to the half finished chicken on your plate.

She was fine. Mia was fine. She’d done absolutely nothing wrong. She was nice and she was probably a good person, but you kind of wanted her to die.

“So,” Ben interjected suddenly and you looked across the table at him as you tried to conceal the surprise on your face to find him sitting there.

You noticed he was done with his food and his plate had already been cleared away by the super attentive waitstaff.

The negligence of your own date weighed heavily on you and you angled your chest forward to face him directly for whatever questions he had for you.

He was pointing toward Baekhyun and Mia with his extended finger and raised eyebrows.

“You two work in computers?” It was a work question. He’d gathered this much from the brief introductions everyone had given and while you had failed to offer any insight as to what you did for a living, Baekhyun and Mia had both mentioned computers.

“He’s a software engineer, and I’m a programmer. Similar but not the same,” Mia explained. You weren't sure of any of the details or of how they were different. You hadn’t really put much thought into it. You knew Baekhyun worked the magic with the keyboard and could fix anything that you happened to break.

“I’m in advertising. Just got scouted by Comma Entertainment and I’ve accepted.” Ben had a hand raised to his chest and his eyebrows were up. This seemed important to him and you let your lips form into an impressed O shape as you raised your eyebrows. His tone and the way he said the name of his new employer seemed to warrant the excited reaction.

You weren't familiar at all with his industry but you knew how to react like you knew what he was talking about. He certainly seemed impressed by himself. Who were you to discourage his enthusiasm.

“You’ve heard of it?” You sold it too well. Baekhyun had leaned close to you and whispered an aside question and you shot him a tense look with your eyes as a warning, but you quickly pushed your smile wide for Ben who was, deservedly, very excited about his new position.

“Of course, who doesn’t know Comma for advertising. That’s a very big deal. Is that why you were so busy last week? We hardly got to talk.”

Your subject change was so slick. If you hadn’t been the one to do it, you’d have been impressed by it. The disappointed pout on your face sold it well.

“Actually I was at the bank a lot last week. It was so weird. I had a few accounts that seemed to be hacked but then it turned out to be nothing. Had to change all my passwords though, so that was annoying.”

“That sucks. They didn't take anything did they?” Mia spoke up from beside Ben; concern written all over her face.

“No. Whoever did it just seemed to access purchase histories mostly. Some loser of a hacker. Didn't even get any money.” Ben’s lips pulled wide and he was laughing with his head thrown back at his perceived victory over the hacker that had been messing around in his bank records.

“You can learn a remarkable amount of information about a person’s bad habits from their bank history, Ben. Sure utilities and rent; that’s boring. You can find out how often someone gets hammered at bars. How many of those bars are also strip clubs. How many maxed out credit cards they make minimum payments on each month just to keep their head above water. Their gambling losses and the motel rooms they book in the bad part of town…”

Baekhyun was speaking up beside you. You turned and you looked at his profile as he spoke so candidly and with what you could only describe as a certain smugness on his voice.

The only reason he’d stopped talking was to catch his breath. It was the most he had spoken all night and you honestly felt taken aback by the suddenness of his words and more, the topic he spoke on. It felt weirdly pointed. It just felt so detailed; almost accusatory.

“What?” You hissed the question; focused it hard and as under your breath as possible to the man seated beside you.

His lips closed up before his eyes turned to look at you and you caught a quick blink of his eyes that preceded a softening of his features that had no business looking that confrontational in the first place.

“I’m not saying any of that stuff applies to Ben.” Baekhyun lifted a slim dismissive hand to wave toward your date. “It’s just an example. For all we know Ben’s only weakness is eating fried chicken every day.”

Ben’s lips were pulled into a thin line on his face and his jaw unclenched when you looked back at him. Then he was smiling at you and it was bright and convincing. You smiled back at him and shook your head at your wacky roommate’s antics.

“Actually it’s pizza. You caught me _buddy_ , I’m a hardcore pizza addict. Every night.”

“Well, not tonight.” Baekhyun shrugged with an odd smile landing on his lips.

Ben’s tight smile flattened and the two men seemed to be staring at each other for longer than you thought was polite for a shared first double-date.

“So what is it that you do?” It was Mia who ultimately broke the tension and you looked across the table into her eyes. She had a pleasant smile on her face and was still chewing on a piece of bread, clearly unbothered by the strange standoff that had just been going on between the two men at this table.

Surely you weren't the only one to notice how odd it had been. Had you just imagined the tightness in Baekhyun’s fist that laid over his thigh and the hard glare in Ben’s eyes?

With Mia’s question though, you felt your own lips pull closed and your eyes danced around the table to the other curious parties who also were now looking at you to answer the question.

You’d prepared well for this date. You’d made sure Baekhyun had the detailed first date topics, questions and answers for perfect small talk, even the section on table etiquette. You’d made sure he knew you’d be here to steer the conversations toward topics he was comfortable discussing and you’d even set up a safety signal he would use if he wanted to bail and just go home.

You’d planned it all out, down to the detailed progression of the evening and how at the end someone might even suggest going together for drinks. And should one of the dates wish to split off, it would be completely okay as long as the corresponding person felt comfortable. You’d even promised that under no circumstances would you abandon Baekhyun to do this on his own if he didn't want to. Not even at the behest of Ben, your date.

They were looking at you and you'd gone quiet. You’d been so busy preparing for this date that it never occurred to you that you were also actively involved and that someone might possibly ask a question about you and your work.

Your work. Well…

“Uhh...I don't really do anything worth mentioning.”

You felt it. It was a warmth that had pooled in the skin around your nose. Your cheeks felt warm and you felt just insignificant enough for it to take your undeserved confidence and throw it out the window.

Ben and Mia were watching you. You pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth and bit down on the dry chapped skin on the surface.

“Nothing?” Ben said and his eyes were wide with a look of confusion on his face.

“Well, not _nothing_.” You were not completely unemployed. You had been quite impressive before. You’d been working with the best publicists of an entertainment company and had been in charge of crafting and perfecting the asset sheets of many of your company's highest profile artists. You’d been the best at it and at one time had been highly sought out for your expertise. You had a way with it. You could work some real magic. You could make a dud of a raw potato sound like a five star course in a Michelin star restaurant. Losing your position in the spring of 2020 had really been a huge blow to your confidence. You looked back at how far you had fallen. Boring data entry jobs to make ends meet. Taking on weird side gigs so you could afford tiny luxuries like your favorite scented lotion or the name brand tampons instead of the store brand.

“I do have a job.” You added lamely. “It’s just not at all interesting.”

Ben dropped his eyes from yours and Mia shrugged her shoulders and stabbed a carrot ball expertly on the first try.

“Yeah but what is it?” Mia said as she chewed daintily. The heat in your cheeks spread and you let your eyes wander away from hers over the various dinner items that covered this table.

Beside you, Baekhyun’s movement caught your eye and you turned to see him place an elbow on the table in front of him and he leaned forward.

“She’s a dating coach. She’s really good at it, but much too modest when she talks about herself.”

Oh no. He wasn't about to spill the beans was he? This was definitely not something in the approved list of first date dinner topics. Wasn't this topic too incriminating? Wouldn't Mia put two and two together and figure out that you had been coaching Baekhyun all along? Also, wasn't this new profession of yours too brand new to start talking about so freely like this? What the hell was he doing?

“A dating coach? What’s that?”

Strangely, Mia didn't seem to be looking at Baekhyun with wheels turning and sirens blaring. She was looking at you with her mouth empty and hung open with a look of genuine interest in her eyes.

“Do you like, feed them what to say in an earpiece?” Ben was speaking up from the other side of Mia and you laughed at the absurdity of such a silly rom-com movie cliche.

“Well no. I’m not a pickup artist. I am a dating coach. Think about it like a sports coach. I am teaching my clients the skills to play the game. Skills to overcome dating anxiety, or I’m teaching them to identity and move away from self-sabotaging behaviors, limiting beliefs, or preconceptions that are detrimental to a healthy relationship.

I have clients that don't even know where to begin. My goal is to strategize with them and place them effectively within the dating scene so they stand the best chance. It’s incredibly hard to be objective about your own love life, but I provide an outside viewpoint. I step in and intervene when I see something that isn't in line with their relationship goals or the vision they have for dating.

I’m not teaching manipulation or just telling them what to say. There are no love spells to make someone fall in love with you. I’m changing the way they believe in themselves so they can present themselves to someone else in the absolute best way to begin a real relationship with someone.”

You’d been leaning in as you spoke animatedly with your hands. You felt the genuine excitement building with your words. You were surprised at how much of your previous profession’s language applied to this new exciting endeavor you were embarking on, but there really were tons of overlapping similarities between the two fields. The explanations just poured out of you.

You hadn’t said any of this out loud before to anyone but the more you talked about it, the more elated you felt about what you were doing with your life. With how much you had been helping Baekhyun and how much progress you had seen in just one day of helping your clients — Baekhyun’s friends Minseok and Sehun. Sehun had finally, finally sent you his first selfie that wasn’t taken from his lap after you’d sent him many examples of good selfies taken from different angles. Minseok was already halfway through the materials you’d sent him to study and had been working hard on identifying and changing the self-defeating language he’d used in his rough draft dating profile.

“She has an app.” Baekhyun piped up from beside you. He’d leaned back in his chair as you spoke.

Both Ben and Mia’s faces mirrored each other’s. Their eyes were wide and their mouths hung in amazement and you quickly closed up your own mouth and grabbed anxiously at your wine glass, feeling a little bit embarrassed about having talked so much. You couldn't resist the chance to smash their misconceptions about what your goals actually were with helping your clients. None of these people were unlovable. They were all worthy of finding someone and you were going to give it your all to help them see their own value.

“Not at all interesting?” Mia spoke up, “that’s super interesting. That’s really, really cool. Can—Can I have your contact info? I have a friend that would be interested in your services.”

“You have an app too? This is something we could advertise online. It would do extremely well on certain kinds of reddit forums and definitely in most online gaming communities.” Even Ben sounded excited, if not a bit overly judgmental, and you heard a quiet, but hostile scoff next to you.

You ticked your head toward the sound but did not turn to look at him. You knew that scoff well enough to hear the annoyance in his voice at whatever he thought Ben might be insinuating about online gamers and the connection to the incels that haunted the forums of reddit.

“I think it’s a bit premature to think about online advertising. I’m still only one person.”

Ben smiled and shrugged off your quick dismissal of his idea to partner up and advertise your business to the desperately lonely and pathetic gamers of the world. Hell, the more you thought about it, the less inappropriate Baekhyun’s annoyance was. Ben could use some coaching on choosing less insulting words.

Thankfully the dinner was over and the check had been taken care of. You looked away from the palpable awkwardness that slapped you across the face when Baekhyun waved away Ben’s card and paid for the entire bill with his own.

“You can get me next time, _buddy_.” He definitely said this word sarcastically. It was out of line and you simply could not find the right moment to pinch his leg under the table to get him to behave himself in a discrete enough way that would not get you caught by the other two people at this table.

You let it slide simply because you had no way to stop it. He was ignoring the way you waved your finger frantically at him down by your calf. You knew he could see you in his peripherals.

 _No, Baekhyun. Stop that. Be nice_. Your hand was saying. He wouldn't even look at it.

The dinner was over and the movie was starting soon. You’d picked a restaurant that was close enough to the theatre that you could walk.

You paired off. It was far from natural. You actually caught Baekhyun’s eyes as you stepped quickly and walked ahead of him, falling into step beside Ben and you left behind Baekhyun and Mia to bring up the rear. It took every ounce of self control not to turn around and look behind you to see how closely they walked to each other. To see if Baekhyun kept his hands shoved securely in his pockets or if he swung his arms at his side as he walked, inching a hand closer and closer to Mia’s swinging hand in the hopes of a back of the hand brush of his warm skin against hers.

Your steps must have stalled. You’d reached the theatre and you looked up to locate Ben, only to find him at the box office purchasing four tickets for the movie you’d all agreed to watch days ago. For the life of you, you couldn't remember what you were seeing. You merely followed where you were led and found yourself seated in a center row of a movie house sandwiched between Ben and Baekhyun. You noticed the center armrests had been lifted when you arrived and simply did not bother to lower them since everyone was too full from dinner for any movie snacks or drinks.

The house was mostly empty and then lights dimmed as the movie began. You searched your brain and nearly pulled out your phone to check your chat logs for the name of the film but decided against shining a tiny bright light in a dark room.

The movie began and you were quickly drawn into the narrative. It was a dark film and as the soundtrack began to take on more sinister sounding tones you recognized that your heart was racing and you were feeling the tension all over your body. It was not a gorey horror film, but it was leaning more toward the psychological suspense thriller genre. Not really something you watched much of.

To your left, Ben sat completely still; focused only on the movie screen. He looked so calm and nearly unaffected by the terrifying things happening on the screen. He occasionally shifted in his seat but did not react to the jump scare that flashed before your eyes and made you flinch hard in your seat. You’d reached the point in the film when the main characters were in genuine danger and you began to wonder if anyone would make it out of this movie alive. Was this one of those films where everyone was doomed?

It happened again, another jump, another loud shocking sound and another noise startled you and you dove to your right, hiding your face in the warm shoulder of the man sitting beside you.

The realization was instantaneous. The second you felt the warmth of his arm, and the smell of him hit your nose, you pulled your head up and you straightened out your spine, mumbling a quiet apology to Baekhyun for using his arm to hide behind as you removed any and all contact points you had with his body. You angled your hips and your knees away from him and even went so far as to stick your hands well under your own thighs and keep them there so you didn't grab for him again. You had been doing so well by not touching him at all today. Why did it have to be a scary movie?

Things grew more frantic on the screen. You held your breath and tried your best to keep from reacting as much as you could. How long was this movie? How much longer did you have to endure this? You should have paid more attention to the details of this part of the date. This was your own fault. You were acting like a big baby because you couldn't handle a little frightening scenes in a movie.

It was coming again. You could feel it building. You closed your eyes and terrible sounds were erupting all over. You would just not look. You could make it through if you just didn't look. With your eyes closed the sounds felt louder than ever and when you thought you couldn't take it anymore you considered committing the enormous sin of getting up during the climax of the movie to use the bathroom just so you didn't have to sit through this anymore.

There was a shift beside you then. You felt warm fingers inching down your forearm, traveling the path your hand took that led below your thigh and someone was reaching for your hand and pulling it out from where you’d been sitting on it. Someone to your right was gripping your hand with his own warm hand and you opened your eyes to look down between the hidden space between your hip and Baekhyun’s hip. There, you saw the grip of his hand that wrapped securely around yours.

He squeezed down once and you followed the length of him up to catch a glimpse of the side of his face. He was looking up at the screen. His eyes were open and he did not flinch at all. He was so still aside from the occasional movement of his lips when he moistened them with his tongue.

You could handle this if he lent you a little bit of his strength like this. Your eyes returned to the screen but your mind wandered back down to the secure comfort you felt in his hand.

You felt your own secret throb.

It made you flinch just a little bit and Baekhyun’s hand shifted then. He moved, lifting the tight grip for a moment and you wondered if he was done, would he take his hand back and leave you cold and afraid again? The lift was for the shift of his fingers and you felt the push of each digit between yours. He pushed his fingers between yours; interlocking your hands together with his and his thumb moved lightly over your own thumb, brushing comforting strokes again and again through the loud and scary and shocking scenes that played over that screen.

This time the racing you felt in your chest had nothing to do with the scary movie. He was touching you. He was holding your hand in secret. It felt forbidden with his date sitting right beside him like she was and with your date seated right beside you like he was. All of your attention was down on the slow pressure you felt from his thumb as it traced the shape of your own thumb down from the very bottom up to the tip, around again. The simple up and down had a slow and sensual rhythm to it. When he lifted his hand his thumb moved and you held your breath to feel that same very slow touching trace the outline of the palm of your hand again and again. He drew absentminded shapes into your skin with the pointed tip of his thumb and your eyes drifted closed as the longing grew within you. He followed the paths of the creases in your skin like a palm reader. He did not even need light to see them, he simply felt them and traced along the paths.

You let him.

You felt bewitched.

You loved him.

The credits rolled on the screen and the lights switched on. The change was abrupt. You were taken by surprise and shocked by it like you were from the jump scares in the film.

His warmth left you. His wandering light touch, his deliberate and careful exploration of the lines that made up the palm of your hand vanished.

Everyone was standing and everyone was walking out of the theatre house and your mind felt clouded and dazed but you followed where their steps led and you found yourself standing outside of the exit doors with the three other people who you entered with.

Baekhyun stood beside Mia and Ben occupied the space of the sidewalk square that you also stood inside.

It was the end of a night. You felt an overwhelming urge for this evening to be done so you could go home and shower and maybe eat something sweet and distracting and maybe made out of chocolate.

“Well this was fun,” it was your own voice that ultimately called it.

Mia had been looking at Baekhyun who had been looking down at his own feet as he lightly tapped his foot on the concrete below. Three taps.

_Tap, tap, tap._

You felt a jolt of realization. Baekhyun had just tapped his foot thrice on the floor below him well within your sight and you recognized what that meant. He was feeling done. He was done with all of this exhausting socializing and being out in public with so many people around and he wanted to go home now. This was him asking you for help now as he wasn't sure how to end the date but wanted it to be over.

“What about...grabbing some drinks, maybe...” Mia was talking only to Baekhyun as she looked at him, “if you aren't too tired.”

“Hey Baek, isn’t your grandmother coming over early tomorrow? Do you still have to get ready for that?” You interjected suddenly and Baekhyun looked up into your face with his mouth open and you watched his eyes move slowly over your face as he recognized what you were doing. You were giving him an out. Mia had asked him to go for drinks and you were giving him an excuse, should he need it.

You both knew his grandma came every other Sunday. You both vividly remembered the wonderful visit you had at the beginning of the week with her and she wasn’t due to arrive again until next Sunday.

He could simply correct you if he really did want to go with her. He could call you a dummy and tell you that you had the wrong week again and playfully tap you on the head to jog your brain back into functioning the right way as he often did when you got something mixed up.

“Oh, yeah she is,” Baekhyun grabbed your convenient reminder from the air and smiled a rueful smile directed at Mia. His smile widened with the wince on his face, “that’s too bad.” He added and Mia took it well.

She smiled and nodded her head and there were well wishes for a safe trip home all around as you all parted ways.

Ben said he would text you later. Baekhyun told Mia the same and you waited until they both walked away to follow Baekhyun back to his car for the quiet ride home.

The silence was heavy, but it was comfortable.

Baekhyun didn't speak at all and you could tell by the way he carried himself that he was tired. He wasn’t normally an extroverted person and found it very draining to carry on a full conversation with friends he knew well. Strangers like he had been with tonight, well, you could see the fatigue in his movements and you knew he needed something warm to drink and maybe some comfort with a familiar favorite tv show to zone out in front of.

You handled it better. You were used to having to go out of your home occasionally and you even enjoyed socializing with your coworkers on the few days you went in to the office for work. You felt a bit drained but mostly you were preoccupied with watching how he was handling it and you were also burning with curiosity to know how Baekhyun felt about the whole thing.

He’d wandered into the living room and he found the sofa. You followed him close behind and grabbed the remote, flipping to a familiar and funny cartoon that you often saw him playing in the background as he worked on things. He didn't usually watch it that closely but it was comforting enough to stay on and keep his mind occupied for a while.

You didn't speak. Everything you had to ask him could wait. Even the scolding you had for him about how he acted toward Ben could also wait. You’d let the man breathe a little first.

You busied yourself in the kitchen making two cups of hot tea and when you returned you found his head leaning against the back of the couch with his eyes still glued to the screen. He had a passive smile on his face and he reacted positively to the wacky scenarios the characters found themselves in. He would occasionally speak out loud, speaking along with a funny line he knew by heart and you found it impossible to resist saying the follow up joke. You knew this show as well as he did.

He accepted the tea with a smile and had a few sips and you set your mug on the coffee table in favorable of the comfortable side of the sofa, the side with the pillows that allowed you to rest your head comfortably as you watched the big tv.

You were feeling pretty good. Baekhyun had now officially gone on his first date with a real girl who wasn’t you and he’d had a nice time. You could see from where you laid your head down how relaxed his face was as he giggled at the show.

You stretched and you felt his warm thigh with your foot. This sofa was long enough for you to stretch out completely and you only barely reached where he sat at the other side. You wiggled your toes, unable to resist the light messing with him that you often gave in to and his hand reached down to grab ahold of your foot, which he held in place as he paid attention to the tv.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you sat up a little bit to pull it out.

You saw a text message from Ben.

From the preview you got the idea of what kind of text message the man would be sending you an hour after your first, and apparently your last date with him.

> _-Hey you seem like a super cool girl, but..._

The preview showed you enough to know that he was dumping you before you’d even gotten anything started with him.

> You opened the text. Your curiosity outweighed your sense of self _preservation._
> 
> _-...but whatever’s going on between you and your roommate, well it doesn’t really seem like there’s much room for me. I just don't think I can start something knowing I’ve already lost. Thanks for inviting me tonight. The movie was fun. Good luck with everything. - Ben_

You felt the sting.

You couldn't help it. You’d spent all evening watching Baekhyun interact with Mia with every ounce of your self control devoted to not letting your jealousy show at all. At one point you’d been so damn engrossed in them that you forgot Ben was even there. What an unfair and shitty situation to have put him in. You quickly keyed out an apology for your crappy date etiquette and thanked him for going out with you tonight.

You couldn't even blame him for anything. He had been sweet and he had tried his best to be the perfect gentleman. What had you expected?

You sent the last message you would ever send to Ben and tossed your phone roughly toward the coffee table. It bounced but landed in the middle.

The racket called Baekhyun’s attention and he turned to look at you with his eyebrows raised in question.

“Ben just rejected me.”

Somehow saying this out loud to Baekhyun felt better than hiding it from him. It felt less miserable than keeping it inside of yourself and letting yourself suffer the sting of the rejection alone.

Baekhyun’s lips pulled into a small frown and he took out his cell phone from his pocket and tossed it roughly on the coffee table beside yours. It took a similar bounce and your eyes widened in surprise at the sudden gesture.

“No way, not Mia too,” you said in genuine fear and Baekhyun shook his head with his shrug still well in place.

“Nah, I just can't lay down with my phone in my pocket,” he said as he wiggled on the sofa trying to get comfortable, “though in hindsight I can see how you would think that, sorry. Mia hasn’t texted yet.”

He was wiggling, finding no comfort in all the positions he tried and you caught his wandering eyes for a second as you lightly tapped a hand over your belly.

This…

This would be fine. This was something you both did sometimes. Baekhyun said your belly was warm and comfy and made the best noises and he liked to use you as a pillow when he was just too tired to go to his own bed.

He moved right away at your invitation and you let your legs part around his chest as he laid his head down right on top of you. He turned his head to face the tv and didn't even squirm too much before he sighed out loud. His arms laid on either side of your waist and you felt the constriction as he lightly squeezed around you.

You really hadn’t gotten to touch him all day. Your fingers found their way into his hair and you felt a low moan from the back of his throat travel though your body as you raked your nails down the back of his head to his nape.

“Peanut,” you said softly, feeling every little bit of the annoying little tickle of that stupid secret sitting inside of you.

You could feel the heaviness of his body as he gave in and relaxed his muscles on you. You felt every breath he took and they seemed to be changing as you played with his hair and he gave in to the relaxing comfort you offered him.

“Hmm?” He replied after a long while. You angled your face and could see that his eyes were closed.

“How was the date? Was it nice?”

You had so many hopes for him. You were trying your best to ignore the pangs of your own selfish jealousy and get past it all to get to something good for him. Something that would make him understand how incredible he was. How beautiful he was inside and out and how precious of a human being he was.

“Mhmm, I liked it.” He said softly and he shifted and you felt him tighten his hold around your waist briefly before he relaxed again.

“Did you really? Do you think you liked Mia?” You kept your voice strong. You did not allow your fears to overcome your voice. You were okay with this if he was okay.

He did not answer right away. You’d stopped playing with his hair and you kept your hand rested over his head. He was so warm. He was so lovely.

“Do you want me to like Mia?”

No.

Mia would be so good to him.

You did not answer. Your answer would have been no. It would have been selfish. You’d just been dumped by your date, how dare his date have gone so well. You’d both been on the same date. You could still see the way she looked at him. She found him just as lovely as you did.

You felt a thickness at the back of your throat and you swallowed it down.

“I’m trying, Bug. She’s very nice to talk to. Do you think I should like her?”

Was this because of his mistrust of people? Was this his shyness about letting someone he didn't know very well in close?

You couldn't respond. You did not trust yourself to do the right thing.

“You should go rest if you’re sleepy,” you said, you know, like a coward.

It took him a few minutes of laying on top of you before he realized that you were right and he would be much more comfortable in his own bed. He nodded and pushed up with his arms, and his eyes stayed closed and his head stayed hung down as his feet shuffled and he made his way into his bedroom, leaving his door open you merely heard the loud sound of him plopping down on his bed.

You were stuck where he left you.

Stuck in about as crappy a mood as you’d ever found yourself.

You hated everything about this. You hated how much you loved him and you hated how receptive he was to the idea of dating Mia. You hated how she looked at him and giggled at his small jokes and you hated HATED the way his cheeks blushed and the shy smiles he gave her when she talked to him.

You laid there and you stewed in your mood for longer than was good for you and the only thing that made your it up was the simultaneous buzzing that brought both of your cell phones to life on the coffee table.

You reached for yours. It’s as your dating coach app. Baekhyun had received a new message from Mia. The feelings that surged through you were taking over your sense of what was good and what was right and what was proper behavior for someone like you to participate in.

You swiped to read the message.

> _-Hi Baekhyun. Sorry I couldn't wait until tomorrow to text you. I had an amazing time tonight and I was wondering if you would like to meet up tomorrow after your Grandmother’s visit for coffee? I have something I’d like to ask you._

You felt as if your body was on fire.

You could feel it deep inside your chest, deeper still inside your belly where his head had been resting moments before. You felt it in the palm of your hand where his thumb had traced the patterns of lines there. You felt it in your lips that he had kissed and in your tongue ached inside of your mouth from your stupid secret.

You reached for your phone. You opened the app for the power he’d given only to you and you responded to her message as if you were Baekhyun.

> _-Hi, Yeah, that sounds fine. I’ll meet you at 1pm._

Your hands moved on their own. You moved to the internal commands of your app and you deleted both of the messages from the chat history. When you picked up his phone you saw the notification for Mia’s message vanish before your eyes and when you unlocked it and accessed his chat log, there was no sign of the unimaginable and unforgivable sin you had just committed against him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Angst / (Eventual) Smut 18+
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers / unresolved sexual tension / 
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

  
  


You hadn’t touched the app since you’d done it. 

You hadn’t slept much either. 

The guilt was eating you alive from the inside and you were pretty sure the ache you felt in your stomach was an ulcer from the stress of living with the horrible mistakes you had made. 

Your room was the wrong temperature. 

Your bed was uncomfortable.

The light that shone through your window from the moonlight was too bright. You couldn't hide away from it no matter how hard you tried. 

No matter how tightly you closed your eyelids you could still see everything too clearly. Even hiding your head under your pillow didn't block it all. 

The clock on the wall of your bedroom ticked rhythmically and the sound was counting down to your destruction.

You fought the useless battle against the bright moonlight for hours until you realized the reason why you could so clearly see the messy clothes on the floor in front of your closet and the overflowing wastebasket sitting beside your desk wasn’t because of a super moon occupying the sky outside, but that brightness was actually the sun shining through your window now; alerting you to the fact that you had once again spent an entire night wallowing in your own self pity or self hatred or self loathing or whatever self bullshit was on the docket this time. 

It was Sunday morning. 

You were sitting on a time bomb as you spread butter on your toast and kept your ears tuned in for the sounds of life inside his bedroom. 

You hadn’t really expected him to, but Baekhyun hadn’t appeared since last night when he disappeared inside his bedroom to sleep. You hadn’t heard him playing games all night or even heard his shower running or playing loud music well into the sunrise.

Was he really sleeping? 

All night? 

Like a normal person? 

Or maybe like someone who wasn’t too weighed down by the pressure of their own substantial sins might sleep. 

You knew that Baekhyun liked to sleep in late on days when he had nothing pressing to attend to. You’d both gotten in late last night and he probably wouldn't make an appearance until late morning. Maybe not even until lunchtime. 

Your toast was bland and floppy by the time you took a bite and you scowled down at the disappointing thing. Surely and somehow you could blame yourself for this breakfast failure. It wasn’t the toaster. That thing was perfect. It was you. You’d waited too long to eat it. You’d been wallowing for too long and now it was a waste. 

It was all a waste. 

You’d drive yourself crazy at this rate. You needed a distraction to get through it. 

You would do laundry and clean your bathroom and tidy your room and maybe then you could think. 

Think about what you had done to Mia, what you had done to Baekhyun; think about how low that was and how undoable it was. It wasn't like you could un-delete the messages. 

You worked on your Sunday chores and you were thinking hard. The doubt was heavy and made the load of laundry you carried out of your bedroom feel this basket was full of bricks and you were walking on a sandy beach.

How would Baekhyun react? Would he know that you had been the one to delete the messages or would he blame it on a glitch in the system? What would he think of you when Mia told him that he’d agreed to meet her himself last night. Last night when he was asleep. 

What would happen to Mia?

Would she sit alone at the cafe for an hour waiting for him or would she text him right away?

Would she quietly absorb her disappointment at being stood up or would she blame him for it. Had you just made him the bad guy? Your sweet Peanut — a villain? 

You didn't want to hurt her. You had liked her. Your jealousy had just taken over last night. You’d never been stood up before but you imagined it felt awful. Baekhyun knew what it felt like. Would it hurt him terribly to believe that he had somehow played a part in causing someone else that kind of pain by making the mistake of associating with you; the mistake of trusting you? 

You’d been watching your laundry spin around in a circle for a half an hour now and you looked up on top of the machine to see the carefully measured cup of soap sitting there. You’d been so lost in your thoughts that you forgot to put it in. The disappointment you felt in yourself was fitting it hardly even made a dent in the already deep down in the mud mood you were in. 

You’d have to stop the cycle and restart it with soap. You’d wasted all of that water. 

If Baekhyun knew about this he would be so disappointed in you. He would complain and nag about the irreparable damage you’d done to the Earth, to his Earth, his planet, his home. The only one he had to live on. 

And you deserved to be nagged. You deserved to be scolded and yelled at and you deserved to be made to feel like the absolute scum of the earth because what you had just done to him was unforgivable. 

Would he really never forgive you?

Was this what finally did it? Not your laziness or your pranks or your inability to pay rent on time, but this? You’d been given his trust and you’d trampled all over it. You’d taken what he’d given you, his friendship and his access to him, to his privacy that he valued above all else and you’d squandered it for selfish and jealous and disgusting reasons. You’d trampled all over it, all over him. Again and again you showed that you didn’t deserve someone like him. You’d sinned against him and for what? 

To stop him from dating a girl who you’d pushed him toward in the first place. 

You were an asshole. The worst kind. A jealous, petty, selfish asshole. 

You felt it then. You’d paused your load of laundry and you reached for the soap after the water drained from the tub. You held the button down to cancel and reset the cycle and you watched the digital display blink angrily at you, telling you that what you were trying to do was not allowed, it was against the rules. You were supposed to just let the wash cycle happen, you were just supposed to let it happen, you had been the one to push the button, you started it, why were you pausing right now why were you stopping and reversing when this was what you wanted? What kind of asshole stops the cycle right in the middle? 

The numbers on the screen blurred. It was a blinking fuzzy red tinted mess. You could feel the sting and then the relief of the tears that crested and fell and you exhaled through a mostly stuffed up nose. 

You couldn't do this to him.

The tears on your face were warm and wet and they fell freely as the intense regret washed over you completely. 

This wasn’t you. You weren’t this person. You weren’t underhanded and sneaky. You didn't have the stomach for it. You felt like you might be sick just imagining poor Mia sitting there waiting for him, thinking the worst of him, believing that he was that kind of selfish cruel man who would treat a woman this way. That wasn’t fair to Baekhyun and you’d been a real monster to try such a low down dirty trick like this. 

You had to fix this. 

You were out of any other options other than honesty. You had to tell him exactly what you had done last night in a moment of misguided weakness, in a moment of stupidity and you had to tell him that he still had time to go meet her, to talk about whatever it was she wanted to tell him. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat and went into your bathroom to clean your face up. You would not let him be swayed by the selfish tears on your face. You had to control yourself and confess your crimes and you had to be straightforward and strong about it. 

You gripped your cell phone and you inhaled a breath through your nose and exhaled it slowly through your mouth. Your exhale hiccuped once from the earlier upset and so you did it again; breathing in deeply, filling your lungs as full as you could and exhaling in one long continuous breath; until it was stable again, until you could feel your racing heartbeat relinquishing the manic control it had over you.

His door was closed and it was quiet behind the door. 

You knocked twice, listening carefully over the thumping in your chest for the sound of his voice from inside. 

Finally it came; a soft hum from within. 

“Baekhyun—” You called through the door, “can I come in?”

His voice hummed again, low and sleepy, and you turned the knob, pushing the door open and then pushing yourself forward slowly. 

He was in his bed, half under his covers with a leg sticking out and he rolled away from the wall he was facing as you came into the room, pulling his blanket down to uncover his face, his eyes peered at you as he squinted against the light in the room. 

“Hmm?” He hummed again and his eyes closed back up. 

You held your phone out toward him and you moved closer to his bed. He squinted one eye open and lifted a hand palm up which he quickly dropped back down onto the bed, clearly still half asleep. 

“Did you break your phone?” His voice was thick with sleep and his eyes were still closed as he talked to you. 

“No, I didn’t break it. I did something wrong.” 

“Give it. I’ll fix it.” He was talking again, reaching again with more conviction now as the spell of sleep that he had been under began to break. 

He was sitting up. He was looking at you with his warm brown eyes and he was blinking as he tried to focus on what you were saying to him.

“No. I didn't break it. I did something wrong,” you repeated for emphasis and continued for clarity, “I did something bad to you. Last night when you were asleep—”

Oh this was hard. His brows lifted and you had his attention. Your words, the seriousness of then sharpened his eyes on you as you spoke.

“Last night, Mia messaged you...after the date.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed and he was watching you very closely as the words emerged. His eyes were focused on your face and his mind was processing what you were telling him. He was still sleepy but your words were pulling him out of it. His hands gripped the cellphone you’d pushed into his hands.

“I opened the app you made for me. I read a message that Mia sent you. She wanted to meet you for coffee t-today— this afternoon, in less than an hour.”

You could feel your control slipping as you spoke the truth about the awful thing you had done and you had to look down and away from his face as you continued your confession otherwise that thickness you felt in your throat would come through in your voice. Otherwise you might not make it through this without crying. You promised yourself already that you would not do that. You had to get this out and it had to be clear and controlled. You did not deserve his sympathy or even his forgiveness. This violation had been inexcusable. 

Your own hands were empty. You’d given him your phone and he was holding it now.

“I pretended to be you, told her you would meet her and then I deleted the messages so you would not see them. So that you would stand her up. It was wrong of me. It was a mistake. I’m sorry. You can delete the app, or change the permissions or do something. I’m sorry. I know you trusted me and I messed it all up — Baekhyun, you can still make it. You can get ready and go meet her for coffee. She had something she wanted to ask you. If you get ready now, you won't miss her. She wont get stood up because — because I fucked up and I acted like an asshole.” 

Baekhyun’s sleepy face had changed as you spoke. You inhaled a deep breath and looked into his eyes and you found him watching you with a new hardness in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before and his hand gripped tight enough to snap around your cell phone. 

You could feel the blood under your skin just at the surface, heating your flesh and flushing your cheeks. You pulled your lips tight to keep the tremble out of them and he was watching your face too closely for you to be able to keep up the eye contact. 

“Bug, why would you do that?” He spoke through clenched teeth and all traces of his earlier sleep were gone. 

“I’m sorry. It just felt so bad and I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway and I have no excuse.” 

You felt the bed move when he shifted and he was pushing himself up into a full seated position with his legs hanging over the side of his bed. 

The movement made you push back and away, clearing a path for him to get up. You knew he had to get ready quickly if he wanted to make it in time. What if there was traffic?

“You still have time to make it— if you go now,” you said with a quick glance up into his eyes and you noticed he’d abandoned your phone on his bed as he moved. “She’ll be waiting for you.” 

Baekhyun wasn’t standing yet and he was still looking at you with that odd hardness in his eyes and a very slight back and forth head shake as his only significant movement. 

Your mind was preoccupied with the ticking clock on the wall and he was still just sitting there on his bed looking at you. 

Yes, you had disappointed him. Yes, you had fucked up. But you were trying here. You were trying to make this right and you knew it wasn’t fair to him to throw this surprise coffee date on him at the last second but you’d fucked up and you couldn't think of any other way to fix it other than to get that man to stand up and get dressed so he could go meet her right now. 

You reached for his hand and you grabbed lightly around his wrist and you pulled. 

“Baekhyun. You need to move. You’re not moving. Please.” Your pleas were growing desperate. How in the world would you fix it if he wouldn't let you fix it? 

“Is it because you were upset about Ben?” When he finally moved it was not his body or his legs it was his mouth and you let your hand sag with his wrist still suspended in your grasp. 

He moved then, Baekhyun stood up and you let your hand fall away from his arm, pulling your arms up awkwardly to cross them over your chest. You took another step away. The discomfort flowed through your entire body. You’d created this problem. This was all your fault. This atmosphere was unbearable and you could only blame yourself.

You were looking down at your feet and you wished he wasn’t watching your face as closely as he was as his eyes roamed over your pained expression. He was still shaking his head and you could tell that he was trying his hardest to make sense out of your terrible actions. 

You were his friend. Surely his friend had to have a good and valid reason for doing this to him, right? Surely it wasn’t just because maybe she was a bad person and did bad things. 

With your eyes on your feet though, it was easier to shake your head and deny that Ben had anything at all to do with why you’d attempted to sabotage his new relationship. 

“Baekhyun, you can still make it,” your voice was a whisper. You could feel your careful resolve crumbling the longer you stood here under his watchful eyes. You could feel it in your chest. Your breathing pushed hard against your lungs that fought against the oxygen and your heart pounded so noisily inside of you that you began to wonder if that had been the clock you heard all along or your own rhythmic countdown forecasting your demise. 

You had to shake your head. You had to squeeze your eyes tight and push with all of your might. You couldn't face this. It was too hard.

“If not Ben—” he was speaking again. Your eyes were closed. 

“Then why?” you heard an inhale of breath from him and it was trembling. The sound of his pain, the sound of his suffering called to you and you opened your eyes to look at him. His eyes were closed and he had a hand raised with his fingers held up. 

The agitation you heard in his breathing moved him and his body came to life as he shifted on his feet, spinning in a slow circle where he stood, he lifted both of his hands to run through his hair and his eyes were closed up tight enough for his vision to go white. 

“You can’t do this to me. You can’t do this to me again. It’s not fair.” He was speaking under his breath and you were drawn to his words as confusion rushed over your thoughtful mind. The part of your mind that made sense of things was left in a cloud. 

Again? Had you really hurt him this badly before? Your memory raced through the history you had with him and you looked over his features in worry. 

When his eyes opened back up he was looking into your face with that same dark look, the look that made you want to shrink up and hide from it. The look that somehow saw you for exactly what you were and knew just how bad of a person you could be. 

“I’m trying to fix it — I don't know what to do, Baekhyun. I don't know what I should do.”

Your feet had carried you toward his door. You could feel the overwhelming urge to escape this. To escape your own mistakes and problems and run from them. To leave this place and to hide from the way he was looking at you right now. He was still just shaking his head and staring at you. He wasn’t moving to get showered or dressed or changed even, he wasn’t grabbing his keys or his phone to leave to go meet her, why didn’t he do something? 

He must have noticed your movement. Baekhyun took several large steps toward where you’d wandered near his door and you froze when he moved. 

He was upset. You could see it in the way he carried his body through the space and you heard it in the rough way he pulled at the doorknob to his bedroom and swung it open. 

You’d half expected him to head toward the front door. Maybe he’d forgotten that he needed to change out of his comfy sweats if he was going to meet a girl for coffee. 

He left his door open and you followed his quick steps. You followed the path he took through the living room and you turned when he turned toward your bedroom. You stood back as you watched his hand turn your door knob and he disappeared through your doorway, into your bedroom. You heard your closet. Your heart felt like it was throbbing inside of your chest when you saw him emerge with a familiar bag; your big suitcase, the one that was still stuffed full with your coats from the last time you had been convinced you needed to pack up and leave this place you called home. 

You felt like you might be sick.

Did he want you to leave? Was he packing your bag for you? The panic that grew in your belly was powerful and it threw you back against the wall of the hallway that led to your bedroom. 

This was it. He’d finally had enough of your shit. This was it. 

You’d done it. 

You’d lost your best friend. 

Baekhyun had disappeared with your bag and you heard a door shut somewhere within his room. You heard the sound of a set of keys. There was a ringing in your ears. 

“Tell me why.” His voice was back. He was back. He was standing in front of you and you looked up into his eyes and the breath he inhaled trembled as it went in and filled his lungs with air. He lifted a hand and his fingers shook as he rubbed them over his mouth. “You can’t run away now. I have your bag. Tell me why. Why did you do that?”

He’d gone for your bag first. Just as you had always gone for the bag the minute something snapped in you and you’d convinced yourself that you could simply leave if things got too uncomfortable or too hard to bear. It felt significant. It felt like your reckoning. You couldn't run away this time. He knew you would try that first and Baekhyun wasn’t going to let you; not until he had the truth.

“You always have a good reason. You always make sense — to me. You always make sense to me. Everything you do, I understand why you do it. But...this, it doesn’t make any sense. You’re the one who picked her. You’re the one who started this. You’re the one pushing me to go to her. Why did you do this? Why are you doing this to me? It’s so unfair.” 

Baekhyun’s voice was unstable. His hands were trembling and you could feel the deep frustration in his words. He was right. He was completely right. 

No false explanation you could come up with would make any sense. 

Only the truth made sense. 

The humming in your ears and the burning in your eyes and the pounding in your chest had built up too much. It was too hard to control. It was too hard to contain.

The longer you sat in it; the longer you withstood it, the less you wanted of it. 

You closed your eyes and you let it out. 

It came out as a whisper.

“I told you, I was shameless.” 

They hit you like a bomb. Those words that you spoke out loud to him; with your own mouth. Your own voice that betrayed you so completely. 

The aftershocks echoed around inside of your head and you blinked fast and hard, trying to control the stinging wetness that pooled inside of your eyes. 

Baekhyun had gone completely still. 

You could no longer hear the unstable breathing from his lungs.

“What did you just say?” His voice had no strength left. You could not look at him.

Oh no. 

You’d done it. 

You had to inhale to live. You had to open your eyes and you rolled them around to keep the moisture at bay, looking everywhere except for him. You felt like crying. You felt like losing your flimsy control once and for all and screaming, sobbing, falling to the floor to deal with this incredible anxious feeling that was surging up inside of your body. 

It was out. That secret of yours. It ripped you apart when it exited and you felt more unstable than you’d ever felt. You were about to cave in. Control was overrated anyway. 

“I told you I act dumb and desperate and jealous, Baekhyun. I told you I make mistakes. I’m shameless.”

You heard the step he took. It was a stumble. Your words had thrown his balance off and he caught the step quickly. The sound of it pulled your focus.

Baekhyun looked at you, a stunned expression on his face and his eyes, his eyes which always held so much comfort and security for you, those eyes that were always so warm, they traveled over your entire face as his lips fell open. 

“What does that mean?” His lips hardly moved when he spoke. You watched a hand lift and it landed squarely over his chest and there was a movement in his fingers; an involuntary shake in them. His fingers flexed and he clawed over his chest. 

“Does that mean...do you mean...what I think you mean?”

You felt the first tear fall. It slipped out and ran down your face and you lifted a hand to wipe it quickly. 

“It means I’m in love with you, Baekhyun. I’m sorry. I was jealous of her. I couldn't watch you and her like that. So I acted like that — I did that to her, to you both. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop loving you. I don't even know where to start.” 

Your breathing was heavy. Your face was wet and whatever flimsy control you thought you had over yourself had shattered with your honest confession. More than just what you had done to him, this felt so much more damning. This was the truth about what was inside your heart. 

This was the scariest thing you had ever told him. It felt so much worse than when you told him you’d lost your job and would start looking for a new place to live. 

The silence that surrounded you amplified your labored breathing and you’d given up on catching the tears that slipped down your cheeks. There was no stopping it. You’d been a fool to think that you could hide this.

Baekhyun hadn’t moved. He stood frozen a few feet away from you and when he did move it was to lift a palm to cover over his face for a moment. 

“Are you serious?” You heard him say. You swallowed hard and squeezed your eyes closed. “Bug, are you serious? You—” 

“You’re in love with me?” 

You wrapped your arms around your stomach tightly and with your eyes closed you nodded your head once. 

Your ears caught movement. 

Baekhyun was moving. Your fear and your shame flashed images into your mind, images of him vanishing; images of him closing himself up in his room; images of him telling you he just couldn't live with you any more. 

Baekhyun was moving. You could hear him. Your eyes burned and begged to open and when you gave in you flinched to find him standing right in front of you. He was here. He stood in front of you and his eyes were wide on your face. 

In those eyes you saw what you could only describe as a look of concern. Baekhyun was looking at your face and the warmth that arrived with his body heat coated you. Inside of your chest, something was building, something was burning, something was changing inside of you with the look in his eyes you could not pull your own eyes away from him when he was standing so close to you like this. 

The wall behind your back was so cold and he was warm. 

He was moving. His hands were moving. You felt the warmth of his palms land over your wet cheeks and he was wiping your tears, drying the wetness from your skin with the palms of his hands and with his soft fingertips. He moved so gently over you. He touched you so carefully. The pounding inside of your chest raged out of control. The ragged breathing that had ahold of you earlier seized up and you could feel the dizziness building upon itself, yet you could not make your lungs cooperate; not with him so close to you. Not with him looking at you up close with that look in his eyes and his hands still holding your face. 

“LoveBug.” His whispered breath warmed your mouth. The soft name he called you coated the back of your tongue like some sweetened medicine. You swallowed down the moisture that pooled and he was close enough to you that his breathing fanned against your lips, over your tongue when your lips parted. 

“Do you know that I belong to you?” It came out as a whisper. This tiny question that lit you on fire. Your lungs burned.

“Do you know that?”

You felt another tear escape and he leaned into you then. You felt too stunned to react. This did not feel real. Perhaps you had actually fallen asleep last night and you were dreaming. The warm brush of his thumb below your eye, wiping the wetness away again and again as the tears fell. The warm puff of his breath over your closed eyelid and the softness of his lips that pressed a kiss onto the softness of your cheek where your tears had just been dried. 

“I belong to you. I’m yours. I’ve loved you for so long.” 

These words he said pulled your eyes into his. 

The discord in your brain echoed. How was this real? Nothing was making sense inside of your head, so you exhaled through it. You let your lungs deflate and the final bursts of air that left your lungs pulled your eyelids down halfway and you couldn’t stand the distance, you had to touch him. His hands were so warm and his eyes were so magnetic and what was he saying to you? He loved you. 

He loved you. 

Baekhyun loved you. He said so himself. He said he was yours and he’d gone still again, his breathing stopped puffing over your skin when your hands reached for his waist and you gripped around his shirt, bunching the fabric as you pulled. There was a step, to keep his balance and he moved closer to you. 

Warmth. Heat. He was everywhere. That smell of him; the scent of the spaces within his bedsheets that smelled like him, his breath, his lungs, his heart inside of his body. With the contact of your hands around his waist you could feel so much of him. When your hands traveled up over the center of this back you felt the wild beating echoing inside of his chest. 

It sounded a lot like what was happening inside of your own chest. 

The distance evaporated with your hands on him. You felt the softness of his cheek against your own. You heard the quiet grunt from the back of his throat when the tip of his nose brushed over yours and his lips traveled over your entire face. Over the smoothness of your forehead and a path over your eyebrow; up the hill of your cheekbone and down through the softness of your cheek. He was exploring your face with his lips and the spell he put you under was deep. You would have floated away had it not been for the occasional labored puff of air from his parted lips. A mark of his struggle to keep his breathing under control. The man was magic. 

His touch was so light and delicate you wondered how he could stand this with as fast as his heart was beating inside of his chest. His hands were moving away from the way he cupped your cheeks and caught stray tears, he moved a single hand to the back of your head, moving lower to cradle the back of your neck and his other hand traced the shape of your jaw with lightly touching fingertips until he reached your lips. 

With his eyes half closed and with zero hesitation he moved then. You felt him move. Your eyes were already closed when you felt his lips cover yours. 

It began with softness; that same uncertain, wary softness that led his movements. His kiss was gentle and his lips were asking. 

The question was quiet. 

Your response was not. Your hands pulled hard over his back. His chest was flush with yours already but the constriction of your hold on him sent a clear message. 

When your lips parted to his you felt the wetness of his tongue brush against yours and you pulled against him, pulled him into your mouth and the hold of his hand behind your head changed as his grip tightened and his fingers threaded within your hair.

His other hand slipped around your waist and he pulled you tight against his firm warmth. Everything about the kiss was changing. There was an urgency that took over every cell of your body and you were feeling dizzy and when his lips pulled away for a second, you gasped for air from within his parted lips. You could not break the kiss. You could survive inside of his mouth forever. You didn’t even need air that badly.

Baekhyun did not break the contact either. Your desire for closeness was building further and your hands pushed the warm fleece of his sweater up and away from his skin. You felt the first smooth warm bits of the bare skin of his waist and your own skin erupted all over with goosebumps when you felt the tips of his fingers slip under the fabric of your shirt at the small of your back. 

It was your own wandering hands that did it. You touched first, the small of his back, then your hand wandered around his waist, as you made your way around to the front of him you heard the low whine that erupted from deep within his body. It was a long frustrated sound and the sound of it pulled your lips into a smile. 

Your fingertips were close. You know enough about human anatomy to know that slipping your hand along the waistband at the front of his sweatpants and hooking your index finger just inside the fabric as you moved; well, it was only a matter of time until you were brushing below his navel and you felt Baekhyun jolt back and away from you when you’d done it. 

“Fuck,” he cursed with his lips flush against yours and you couldn’t help any of it. He’d put you well under his spell and you wanted every bit of the man. Clearly your hand had come too close and he wasn’t expecting it. 

“This is like living out all of my fantasies at once multiplied by a hundred. I don’t think I can take this.” 

Baekhyun pulled his face back and away from you then. You used the respite to finally breathe in a deep enough breath to touch that dizziness you’d been feeling. It didn't help much. Was it the desire? You had never felt quite so desperate for another human being to touch you before. 

You ached for it. The attention he showed with his wandering fingertips over every bit of skin he could find and the way his eyes and his lips touched you. Nothing about the desire you were feeling felt normal. 

Baekhyun dropped a hand from you. It was the hand that had held the back of your neck. He took another step back and placed his hand over his chest. He was looking at you again with a shell shocked expression on his face and lips very pink and swollen from the passion you’d felt in those kisses. 

“I feel like my heart is going to explode.” He said and you saw his lips pull into a smile. He was still breathing hard and his gaze changed into something of wonder. 

“You like me.” His eyes closed up and the smile pulled wider. You were blinded by it. It was contagious. You could not stop your own smile from mirroring his. “You love me. She fucking loves me.” 

“I love you,” you agreed softly. It tasted like relief. It was sweet and satisfying and toothsome. You were wrecked. You probably looked like hell after the sleepless night and all of that crying. He watched you as if you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. You could see it so clearly. Your eyes sharpened to so much the more you looked around, the clearer your focus became and your eyes were drawn to the wall behind his head.

There, a clock had just struck one. 

“What do we do about Mia,” you were the one to say it and still hated the sour taste of the guilt that still sat on the back of your tongue when her name came up. You hadn’t quite considered this outcome. You hadn’t ever considered this.

“Oh god, Mia,” he said. “Oh no.” The smile on his face was gone and you could see the regret land over his features. “I — I think I need to go make a phone call.” 

He spoke the words and you nodded your head. Of course he did. Of course you understood completely. Of course his body was still very close to you and of course you could feel the desire to pull him back into your arms and into your mouth. 

Baekhyun hadn’t stepped back yet. His words said one thing yet his hands were moving again and he reached for you, wrapping both of his arms around your waist this time he pulled tight and you felt the strength in his arm muscles as he did it. 

His face dipped and he kissed you again. You could not resist his lips despite the ticking clock. You craved him. You hadn’t been nearly satisfied enough yet and you wondered if you could ever get enough of him. 

His soft lips; the pull of suction inside of his mouth; his tongue; his teeth all demanded and took from you and you wove your fingers into his hair and held him tight as you kissed him back. 

You both pulled away at the same time and his labored breathing marked the significant struggle he was facing in letting go and walking away. You did not think it was possible to love this man any more than you already did, but this unrestrained side of him was making your stomach do flips.

“Do you want me to go with you? This is my fault after all.” 

He rested his forehead against yours and both of his arms were still wrapped tightly around your waist. He’d been standing still with both of his eyes closed since he’d pulled his mouth away from yours. 

You felt him shake his head back and forth and he hummed a _no_ sound from the back of his throat. 

“I think I can do it alone,” he said before inhaling a deep breath and exhaling it slowly as he pulled his face back, straightened his shoulders and dropped his arms. 

He’d spun on his feet and taken two steps before he turned around and undid all of his progress with two more big steps back in your direction and a grimace of failure on his face. 

His hands were up and he was reaching for you again, grabbing you roughly by the cheeks, ignoring the giggles that erupted from your chest as he leaned in and kissed you again. He was smiling too and the first seconds of the kiss was just teeth bumping teeth before you complied and relaxed enough to receive the quick succession of peppered kisses he pressed into your mouth. 

“How can I walk away? Turn me around and push me. I can’t walk away from you.” 

You were in big trouble. You knew he could be really cute if he wanted to be. You’d had trouble with it in the past. 

But this time his intense level of adorableness was caused by his struggle to stop kissing you. You were pretty certain you were even more whipped than you’d ever been for anything ever. If faced with the choice of denying this man or throwing a bag full of puppies off a cliff, you were pretty certain you’d toss the damn dogs just to let this Baekhyun have his way. 

How to be the strong one here? All you wanted to do was keep kissing him forever. 

“Baekhyun, it’s after one already,” you said, doing your best impression of your serious voice. 

“Yes ma’am.” His hands left your face and his lips pulled back into an O shape as he exhaled a breath with his eyes trained pointedly on the ceiling instead of on your face. 

This time when he spun on his feet he didn’t look back and you fisted your hands tightly at your side to keep from reaching for him and pulling him back into you after he’d finally built up the strength to resist the incredible magnetism you both clearly had for each other. 

His absence afforded you a moment of quiet; a moment of peaceful thought. The aftereffects of what had just happened still buzzed around inside of your chest, inside your belly, and lower; the lingering warmth purred, making it impossible to ignore the incredible effect even this much of his affection had on you. 

  
  


You had to return to your bedroom to collect yourself. You’d never be able to face him again without throwing yourself at him in desperation and based on the way he’d flinched when you grazed your fingertip along the waistband of his sweatpants, something was telling you the man was simply not ready for such a huge step in such a short amount of time. 

The last thing you wanted was to make him feel pressured to do anything he wasn't ready for. 

You were an adult. You could be reasonable and you could control yourself.

With a cold shower and a cold drink of water you could survive this. Maybe you would slip and fall in the shower and bang your head and wake up to him giving you mouth to mouth with his hands on your chest giving you life saving chest compressions that would turn into a steamy make out session with some second base heavy petting in the middle of your bathroom floor. One thing could lead to another. You would already be naked and he’d have just saved your life. Surely the situation would make anyone emotional enough to pop their cherry with the girl of their fucking dreams. Really, he’d have just saved your life and you would be ever so grateful if he could also fuck you while he was at it. 

The cold water didn’t help at all.

The cold shower at least helped with the absolute wreck you saw when you looked in the mirror. Had you really looked this bad? You hadn’t slept for shit. You hadn’t eaten your sad floppy toast or had any coffee on your upset stomach and your eyes were puffy from all the crying. You must have simply forgotten that you had any hair at all. It looked exactly like it must have looked when you crawled out from the depths of your bed. At this point you wouldn't be surprised to find some leaves or sticks tangled within the rat’s nest. 

At least you hadn’t been wearing any makeup on your eyes to create dramatic black streaks down your cheeks, but a little lipstick or blush on your cheeks might have helped some. Anything would have helped. While you confessed your love to this beautiful man you looked like something scraped off the front grill of a semi truck after a 12 hour haul. 

You took a few extra moments after your shower to fix whatever you could. It was a delicate balance. You didn't want to make it obvious that you’d gone through the trouble to make yourself super sexy and appealing looking, but you also couldn't just go back out there looking homeless and lost. 

You settled for something in between. Something natural and clean looking on your face. Something pretty smelling on your freshly scrubbed skin and you made your way toward your closet wearing your favorite matching bra and panties set. 

There was a little lace and just enough push to make your boobs look hot, but still in a neutral enough color that gave a cool and casual _‘oh this ol’ thing?’_ feeling should the opportunity for him to actually see it somehow manifested. 

Your real dilemma came as you stood in front of your closet. 

Did you really need to wear pants? Couldn’t you just prance around your living room in your thinnest white t-shirt and pick things up off the floor that you’d clumsily knocked off the table or the bookshelf or the kitchen counter? 

You compromised, picking out a short flouncy skirt and flowy top that liked to fall off the shoulder at inconvenient times and you practically ran out of your room hoping you hadn’t left him stewing in his post difficult phone call mood for too long. 

On your way out of your room a familiar piece of paper stuck to the wood caught your eye and you took a step back to look up at the sign you’d hung there a few weeks ago. You tried to be casual about it. You tried your best to be quiet as you carefully lifted the tape that clung to the surface of the door and the paper rattled and crinkled noisily as you pulled. You heard the telltale sounds of paper ripping in half when you pulled. You’d forgotten to carefully lift the tape you put on the sides and the whole thing made quite a racket coming down. So much for discretion. 

You were crumbling the whole mess into a tight ball inside your hands as you walked toward the living room and you caught movement on the sofa.

Baekhyun was sitting there it’s his eyes on your hallway, clearly looking up when he heard you coming. His hands were linked over his lap and he was leaning forward, resting on his forearms. 

The instinct to hide it was strong and you saw the dip of Baekhyun’s eyes down to your hands and he looked at the ball of paper you hid inside your fist. 

He’d just caught you. You’d ripped off your  _ ‘No Boners’  _ sign from your door and Baekhyun had seen you do it. Now he was looking away from you and his eyes were wide as he stared across the room, looking anywhere that wasn’t at you. His face was tense. His lips were pulled tight and after a few seconds of blank staring he lifted his left hand to cover over his mouth a moment after you saw his white teeth flash with a wide smile and he closed his eyes up. A single snort of laughter escaped from him before he reeled it in and held his breath to stop it. 

You had to save it. You had to be casual, dammit. You looked fucking cute right now and this man was in love with you and you loved him too and — God, his hair was wet. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and jeans and everything about him looked casual and beautiful, you were staring. You were staring. You had to stop staring. You had to do something to save this. 

You stuffed the paper ball into your pocket and took enough steps to reach the counter of the kitchen bar and you stuck an arm out and leaned against it. 

You leaned because leaning was ultra casual and you also thought you might drop from the tension you were feeling inside your body right now if you relied only on your own two legs to hold you up. 

How could absolutely none of the effects of your cooling shower have lasted the second you saw him again? 

“Hi,” you said as you fought an embarrassed smile and the leaning felt so forced you closed your eyes to will your own face to un-flush. 

Baekhyun dropped his hand from his face and his cheeks were pink to match his lips. He was smiling wide, clearly amused by your nonsense. You saw his chest shaking as he laughed and he lifted his hand and bit down on his closed fist. The laughter did not last long. He was looking at you though and his wide smile evened out when he dropped his hand. His eyes did not drop from your face. Not right away. You caught the drift when they did though and the heat you felt increased when you noticed the slow way he took you in from the glimpse of your bare shoulder down to the shortness of your skirt and down the length of your bare legs. His eyebrow danced once over his left eye and his tongue peaked out to moisten his lips before he bit down on the bottom one. 

“Hi Bug,” he said.

Well, this was new. 

...

[To Be Continued]

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genre: Humor / Fluff / Angst / (Eventual) Smut 18+
> 
> Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers / unresolved sexual tension / penetrative sex / handjob / a mercy nut / oral sex / unprotected sex 
> 
> Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader
> 
> Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

  
  


_ “Hi Bug,” he said. _

  
  
  
  


“Did you eat?” He was speaking before his eyes made it back up into your face and it took you five whole seconds before your brain processed his question enough for you to manage a meager back and forth head shake as a response. 

“We should eat.” Baekhyun stood up and walked the long way around the coffee table toward the kitchen, avoiding the space you occupied as he moved. 

Eating was a good idea. It was getting late. Eating would give you something to do that wasn’t daydream about the way his thighs filled out his jeans and how strong his lap must feel to sit on top of. 

You followed behind him into the kitchen. The wide galley layout afforded you with plenty of space to pass behind him without actually having to touch him but the urge was just too strong to resist. The cat was already out of the bag.

He was pulling out a frying pan, a cutting board and a knife as you passed behind him to move toward the fridge and you reached for him with your fingertips as you moved, trailing lightly over the wide expanse of his back from one broad shoulder to the other. 

You looked back at him when your hand ran out of his back to touch and you caught the focus of his brown eyes that glanced up at yours and the smile on his face that he didn't try to hide. Cute. Oh god. Cute.

“What are we having, Peanut?” 

You were standing in front of the open fridge and you wondered how unfair it would be to bend over to reach into the bottom vegetable drawer with him watching you like you knew he was. You pulled the drawer open and grabbed a few things trying not to think too much as you did it. If he looked, he looked. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen you at home wearing not nearly enough clothing.

When you looked back at him, Baekhyun’s eyes were, impossibly, focused up high, on the contents of the fridge. He hadn’t been staring at your ass as you bent over, imaging taking you here in this kitchen in front of the open refrigerator. Of course he wouldn't. Baekhyun would never waste that much electricity. The fridge was fancy and had an alarm that rang when the door was left open for too long and the one time — the one(!!) time you’d let the door stay open long enough for the alarm to ring was because you’d dropped a sauce bottle on the floor and had been cleaning up the mess. The alarm started to ring and the man rushed into the kitchen just to shoot you a look so dirty you felt as if you were the mess that needed cleaning up; as if you had personally been the one holding the baseball bat and had been caught clubbing the baby seals. He was insane. He was crazy. God, you loved him.

He lifted a finger to point to something on the top shelf and you reached for the container you saw there. You felt the cool air of the fridge along the bare skin of your stomach when you reached up high and you remembered why you rarely wore this shirt. It was just too flowy and too prone to malfunctions such as this. Your eyes searched for his again and the man had turned around to mess with his stupid cutting board. He wasn't human. 

Your mood and your desperation were mounting. You weren’t going to make it. You were going to do something stupid like take your clothes off in this kitchen. How much self control did he have? Why was he so annoyingly good at it? You could feel a buzzing in the base of your skull as you looked at him and you wondered if anyone had ever died from sexual frustration before. 

You did not take off your clothes. Instead, you gave in to his agenda. As if anyone in their right mind could eat right now. You loaded your arms with various ingredients, figuring he was making some sort of stir fry and quietly dropped everything off beside his cutting board. 

He was working quietly and not paying any attention to you at all. Were you the crazy one here? When did you turn into such a desperate woman? You were beginning to feel a little bit pathetic. Your skirt was so short. Your entire shoulder had been out this whole time and he hadn’t touched you once since you’d come out of that bedroom. 

You grabbed a glass of cold water to drink. It didn't help but at least it was something to do. Your desperation was beginning to change into a numb sort of acceptance. Maybe this was just your life now. Perpetually turned on with no release. You’d have to buy more panties and change them often. Your usefulness in this kitchen was quickly coming to an end. You were out of things to do since the rice maker was still full of plenty of warm rice to eat and all of the dishes had already been cleaned and put away. 

Baekhyun was busy cleaning and slicing vegetables and you’d grown tired of standing around not doing anything productive at all so you backed up against the counter beside where he worked and hopped up to sit and watch him work from this slightly elevated angle. If you didn't have anything to do, you would simply entertain yourself inside your own head as you watched the man you loved work on making you something to eat. 

You were only a tiny bit irked that he seemed to be paying such close attention to these boring vegetables and not at all looking at your bare thighs that could be well within his line of sight if he would only look. You watched his brown eyes. They stayed fixed on the countertop below him. 

His hair was drying, but was still a bit damp and you reached a hand forward to touch the softness of it and to feel the waves between your fingers. When you pushed the waves back away from his forehead he blinked and again his lips pulled into a smile. Even though he refused to look at you, he was still quite aware of you here. He hadn’t flinched when you touched his hair and the smile was definitely for you. It warmed you all over. He was so pretty. He was looking down and his eyelashes were dark and spread over his cheeks. His cheeks popped up when he smiled. You were pretty sure you were obsessed with the shape of this man’s face and when you could see his forehead he was nearly impossible to resist. You saw him bite down on the inside of his bottom lip. He scraped a pile of veggies off to the side and grabbed a carrot.

“LoveBug,” he said between chops. A smile formed on your lips and you tensed your smile to control it before you spoke out your soft reply to him. 

“Yes Peanut?”

His forearm muscles flexed as he chopped and his lips pursed forward into a tiny pout. His face was a bit flushed for just chopping veggies and you noticed the tips of his ears were also pink. 

“Can I be your boyfriend?” 

His knife stopped moving and he was stuck looking down at the board without any actual focus in his eyes at all as he waited for you to hear his question and answer him. It didn't look like he was breathing either. You hadn’t quite expected this question. Sure, it was kind of a given if the two of you were in love, but still, hearing him work up the courage to ask you this question out loud made your stomach do flips. 

Your face was so hot. Your heart was pounding too loud again. Was that why he hadn't been looking at you all this time? Was he working up the courage for this? You swallowed and you had to lick your lips because they’d grown too dry from all the biting you’d been doing. You were biting because otherwise you would be screaming and he was holding a knife. It was a recipe for disaster. You couldn't go to a hospital right now, there was a global pandemic going on. Those resources were precious. 

“Yes,” you said with your eyes on his face. He moved. His face lifted and his pink cheeks and pink lips and warm eyes were a gift to your soul. Baekhyun looked at you at last — at last, he looked up into your eyes. You’d been staring at him so openly all this time. You were intimately familiar with the shape of him. The angle of his pretty eyes; the layout of the moles on his face; the curve of his little nose that begged to be kissed; the pointed tips of his upper lip and the soft downturn of his bottom lip. You knew his face. You knew everything about it, but when he was actually looking at you, now that you had his focus and his attention on you, you suddenly found it very hard to breathe. 

He was looking into your eyes and he’d gone completely still. The eye contact that he maintained, it seemed to build onto itself and you could not look away. You did not even want to. You felt positively trapped in his eyes and despite the fact that neither of you moved at all apart from the occasional blinking in his eyes and steady in and out of his lungs you still felt the pressure building the longer he stared into your face and the less in control of yourself you felt in his presence. 

His muscles tensed all over and when his grip hardened around his knife, you heard a loud sound as the knife pressed through the thick carrot in his hand. The sound it made jolted through your entire body. The sound of the thick fibrous vegetable resisting just enough for the knife to struggle against it and then, just when it seemed like it might not, the blade won with a pop. It made it through, the loud chop as the strong high carbon steel hit the wooden board below it when the weaker gave under the pressure; it echoed out inside of your head and his lips parted and his eyelids sank halfway into a blink as he exhaled a held breath. 

Baekhyun looked down at his board and then he came to life, suddenly grabbing the carefully sliced and obsessively separated piles all in different shades and colors and he abruptly piled the whole mess of it into the center of the board; he started rapidly chopping everything all together in smaller pieces. It was frantic. The change in his behavior was jarring. What had gotten into him? Was it the same thing that had gotten into you?

“What are you doing? I thought you were doing stir fry,” you recognized the odd behavior and abrupt change of plans based on what he was doing with his ingredients. 

“Fuck it. Fried rice. It’s fast. You'll eat it.” 

You let your surprised laugh escape and his brows were furrowed with the effort as he chopped everything all together. 

“Why are you just trying to feed me? You haven't eaten anything either.” 

“Yeah but you were too upset to eat this morning. You can’t skip meals because it makes you feel bad. You’ll eat this and—” 

He was turning around, away from you and away from every bit of temptation you waved in front of him, with all of his haphazardly chopped ‘stir fry demoted to fried rice’ ingredients and you heard the click of the stove as he turned the flame on. 

“I’ll eat this and what?” You asked over his shoulder and you let your eyes wander down the curve of his spine down to his narrow waist.

“And calm down?” You mumbled to yourself, “the cold shower didn’t work.” 

You hadn’t quite so openly ogled him before and you decided that you had simply been insane before. How could you have possibly lived with this man for two years and not thrown yourself at him before? How in the hell was he still a virgin with a face like that? You tossed your head to one side and tried to remember the last time he left the house. Even before 2020, the year from hell, the man simply didn't like to go out. He didn't like meeting new people and he definitely didn't like situations that involved many of those new people. That didn't mean he didn't try in the past. He’d mentioned being stood up before so that meant he had made an attempt to date, right? God, he was gorgeous. You could see the back of his neck as he worked and when he moved the pan around over the burner to spread the oil his arm muscles flexed. 

He was adding things to his pan. Cooking and frying noises and smells were building surprisingly quickly and before you could even move from your perch on the counter he was scooping rice into a bowl that he stuck a spoon in from the drawer and he turned back around and returned to you holding the bowl in his hand. He was back now. You had him back. 

“The shower didn’t work for me either,” he said honestly and you dropped your hands to brace on the countertop beside your bare thighs to keep yourself from losing your balance. It felt like a confession. He’d tried the shower to calm down too. He was affected by you and was struggling with his control too. Only from the way he was keeping his hands off of you right now, it was clear who was doing a better job with their self control. You wondered about the kinds of fantasies that played out in his head. 

Baekhyun was holding a spoon full of rice up to your face and he inhaled a deep breath of air into his lungs that stuttered on the way in. The stutter in his breath had you swimming inside your own head. 

“How am I supposed to eat right now?” It was a genuine question. The man was driving you insane, you could feel the effects of his looks, his words, his kisses from earlier, and the maddening way he hadn’t touched you once since you’d come out of your bedroom. What did you have to do to get just one more kiss; just one hand on your thigh; just one more; just one more — you were ready to bargain or beg even.

“Three bites,” he said and he was breathing heavily when he did it. “Ahh,” he followed up with opening his mouth wide just like he wanted you to do for him. 

You leaned forward then; bypassing the waiting spoon of rice. He was so close. You leaned and you pressed your lips against his lips. It was a tiny kiss and you heard the low grunt that left the back of his throat when you did it. His lips molded into yours and he pursed them, returning the kiss; giving into you so easily. When you pulled back his eyes were closed and he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down. 

Everything about him was pretty. His teeth were pretty. His tongue was pretty. His nose and his chin and his eyes were pretty. You felt drunk. 

“Three bites and you can have anything you want, my love, I promise.” 

Oh, he was playing a dangerous game with you. Calling you something like this when all of your skin felt like it was on fire. It was too much. It was all too much. You felt the blush heat your skin from your cheekbones down past your chest plate and you closed your eyes to try and keep some sort of semblance of sanity and you opened your mouth. 

You felt the spoon push inside and it met your tongue. You closed your mouth around the food and chewed carefully. You tasted nothing. You ate it just to get the food inside of you so you wouldn't feel lightheaded later or gross for having skipped too many meals. He was right. You needed to eat something. He was taking care of you again and you felt one more drop of love splash against the inside of your heart walls. If he kept this up, it might just overflow and then what would become of you? You could hear the spoon scraping in the bowl he held and you heard the blowing sounds coming from his lips as he cooled the next spoonful to keep the hot temperature from burning your tongue. Another drop; another splash. You were screwed. 

You’d swallowed it down and quickly opened your mouth for the next spoon, getting it over with to placate him. 

The last spoonful went down easily and you opened your eyes when you felt a glass with cool water pushed into your hand which you drank down as well watching in amusement as Baekhyun also seemed to be chewing and swallowing rice he’d taken from the same bowl with the same spoon. His cheeks were puffed and you offered the rest of the water which he accepted and drained quickly. 

“So you tried a shower too?” 

He choked on his water when you said it and you adjusted the way you sat on the countertop, slipping forward a little so you could lean back on your hands as he was coughing. Your short skirt rode up a little more and you looked down to see most of your thighs bare. You let your knees open more. It felt like an invitation. He could touch you if he wanted to. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to this. Your wardrobe didn’t usually leave all that much to the imagination when you were relaxing at home. 

“Cold one?” You asked. You weren’t usually so brazen. But this was Baekhyun and he was your  _ boyfriend _ now. You wanted to scream from the pent up excitement sat inside of your belly when you thought about it. 

“Freezing,” he said and he’d abandoned the food and water on the counter in front of him. His eyes were squeezed shut and he leaned forward with both of his hands resting on the countertop beside where you sat. You watched the side profile of his face and you waited for him. You did not move or touch him in any way at all. You held your breath and you held your tongue and you waited. 

Baekhyun pulled himself up and he took a step to the side so that he now stood directly in front of you. His slim hips fit between your parted knees and you could feel the rough fabric of his denim jeans scratch against the inside of your upper thighs. You did not move at all. You just watched his face as he oh so carefully placed himself between your parted legs and you felt the first light pass of his fingertips as he touched your knee. 

That first touch, that gentle tickle from his slim fingers that moved over the round hill of your kneecap and then, with barely there pressure, slipped up the outside of your bare thigh and did not stop at the fabric of your skirt but kept moving along your bare skin, just the tips of his fingers, just the tips of him that you loved the most; he kept touching and you could hardly contain it. The touch was so light, so fucking delicate you wanted to cry. He took your sanity and your breath and tossed them both far away from you. 

When you lost your breath it left your lips in a quiet moan and your eyes closed on their own. 

You moved your hands. They ached to hold him. You reached around his waist and pulled him toward you and he fit inside well when you moved your hips forward off the edge of the counter and when you slipped your face into the space below his chin where you could smell the skin of his neck, the smell of him overloaded your senses. It was just soap. He was just clean smelling but he smelled so unbelievably comfortable and familiar you inhaled deeply with your lips parted just over the surface of his skin. 

The closer proximity gave you another sensation. You could feel the heat and stiffness between his legs that fit so perfectly between your own. You wanted to wrap around him. You wanted him closer. The desire was powerful and you felt the grip of his hand as he squeezed high on your thighs and his hips pushed forward for the sake of the friction itself. 

“I promised,” you felt the vibration of his voice in your lips that you pressed against the side of his neck, “anything you want — you can have anything.” 

It wasn’t quite a question. His statement was fractured and you could hear the trembling in his voice that made his thoughts as unstable as you felt inside of yourself right now. 

“What is it you want to do? Do you want to watch a movie? Hmm? Do you want to go for a walk? Is there something else you want?” 

You felt his words vibrating though his chest. You loved the sound of his voice but feeling it echoing against your own skin brought a warm comfort into your soul. 

“I,” you had to keep your eyes closed and you pulled your lips away from his skin for a second. “I don't want you to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

As flimsy as you felt inside you knew you would never forgive yourself for pressuring him. You knew you needed to hear it from his own lips that he wanted more before you would let anything happen. You’d take 10 more frozen showers if you had to; just to hold yourself back. 

You could feel it in that moment. You had a lifetime only for him. You could wait a lifetime for him. 

“Bug, what are you doing? I feel like I’m losing my mind.” He was speaking just above your head and despite the pressure inside your heart to stop, to wait, to keep yourself under control you still gave into the urge to tighten your thighs around his hips and push your pelvis forward against him. You still pulled him into you with the arms you’d wrapped around him and you heard the trembling moan that vibrated through his chest wall. 

“I can stop if you want. Peanut, tell me to stop and I will stop.” 

His hands left your hips and you loosened your hold around his body when he moved. When you pulled your face back his hands were in his own hair and he was scratching roughly at his scalp with his fingers and his face was screwed together in a tight scrunch of all of his features. It was a look of confusion. It was uncertain and unsure and you looked at his face with your head cocked to the side when it dawned on you that he wasn’t picking up on the many many obvious clues you were putting down. Was he just so used to you cuddling and touching him that he really did not know what you wanted from him? Did he not watch you rip down the sign from your door and sit down here on this counter with your skirt hiked up so far he could probably see your panties if he just dropped his chin a few inches. Did he really have no idea? 

“Stop what? What are you stopping? What is happening right now? I don't understand. You never told me what you wanted. And I can't think straight with you touching me so much. I’m going crazy. Tell me what to do.” 

Was this real? You looked into the pained expression on his face and you lifted your eyebrows in surprise at what you saw. You saw him holding back. You saw him suffering through it. You saw confusion and uncertainty in his brown eyes and you realized that you had to be very blunt with him for him to get it. He’d been so conditioned to hide his attraction for you that this was completely new and uncharted territory for him. Despite the fact that you’d removed the stupid sign from your door and could feel the frustration all over your body from holding yourself back and the man was very clearly extremely aroused right now; you could feel how ready his body was for this, it was driving you crazy to have to stop this and tell him in plain words exactly what you wanted from him. 

“Sex, Baekhyun. I am talking about sex. I want to have sex with you.”

As quickly as you’d said it, you inhaled to speak again. To clarify. To add important parameters that protected his heart. 

“But, when you are ready. I absolutely don't want you doing anything you don't want to do, just because I ate three stupid bites of food. That’s actually not how this works. We have to both be ready. I will be okay no matter what we do or don't do. Please tell me you understand this is just me telling you that whenever you want to, I am ready. I want to do this with you.”

Baekhyun had removed his hands from your skin and he was still standing with his hands raised above his head. You’d pulled your legs away from his warmth and had dropped your hands to rest over your own knees as you spoke to him and he was looking into your face, watching you very carefully as you spoke with his lips parted and an indecipherable expression in his face. His eyes ticked around your features. He closed his mouth and then opened it again and you watched the words you had told him in earnest sink in deep. 

When you stopped talking there was a moment when neither of you moved at all until you heard him inhale a quick breath.

“Yes,” he said and his eyebrows lifted briefly as his eyelids closed halfway, “yes,” he whispered again and his head was nodding up and down in quick shallow bursts, “yes,” he said a third time and he licked his lips quickly. 

“Yes, I want to. I want to.” 

His lips hung open when he quit speaking and he pushed the tip of his tongue along the edge of his front teeth. He looked into your eyes and you looked into his and you could feel the understanding coat you from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. With his eyes on you; with his love in his heart; with the furrow of his eyebrows and the quiet way his head sunk to the side and the push of air from deep within his lungs; he wanted you. He wanted you to be his first. 

You watched him change before your eyes. The look in his eyes darkened when the minutes passed and the desire he’d expressed out loud sat in the space between your faces and inflated and swelled until you reached out and touched it with your careful fingertips. You absorbed it and he watched you do it. You would accept his consent, this precious thing. His tongue vanished somewhere inside of his mouth and he was breathing through his parted lips as his eyes roamed over your face. 

The quiet understanding moved your body and you used the small space he’d given you to hop down off of the kitchen counter. When you moved you felt him take a step back and you pivoted on your feet, brushing your shoulder over his broad warm chest in the tiny space that you and he occupied in this kitchen. 

As you moved you felt the back of your hand brush against his and you reached for his fingers with your own and when you took your first steps out of the kitchen you pulled his hand and he followed you where you moved past the dining table, past the living room and the light changed when you reached the darkened hallway that led to your bedroom. 

Your bedroom was dimly lit. Your table lamp sat illuminated in the corner beside your bed and the sheer curtains let in enough light for you to see the nervous expression on his face and the way he licked his lips and swallowed away the moisture in his mouth. 

Baekhyun came into your bedroom after you did and you saw him turn around and close your door behind him. The action made you feel tense. The intimacy of this small space made you feel very warm. Your bedroom was smaller than his and it hadn’t occurred to you until he did it that he had never closed himself up entirely in here with you before. In all of your experiences with him coming into your room in the past he always left your door open and something about him closing it behind him made this feel all the more real. You had sudden butterflies bumping around inside your stomach. 

When he turned back around to face you he ran one trembling hand through his hair and his steps paused halfway through the room as he seemed to second guess his destination mid journey. He recovered though and pushed through it, coming to stop in front of your bed and turning around to sit down on the edge of it with his hands on his knees. 

He was acting so nervous that it was making you feel nervous too. In fact, now that he was in here with you he seemed to be more nervous than he was excited about this. It made you pause.

“Are you okay?” You sat down beside him on your bed with your small question and you felt the warmth of his arm as you leaned against him. 

Baekhyun closed his eyes and he inhaled a breath. You felt him exhale slowly and with it he leaned against you, slumping hard against your arm and he was warm and he was everywhere. The connection, that contact was powerful with how quickly you were overcome with the warmth and the feeling of him. 

“I’m just anxious...I don't really know what I’m doing. What if I’m bad at it?” 

He wasn’t second guessing doing this with you. He was naturally unsure of how things might go and was probably putting way too much pressure on himself to live up to some made up standard he’d set in his own head. 

You stood up suddenly, feeling very in love with this man and feeling a strong need to protect him from everything, even from his own self doubts. He was brilliant. He was a good person. He was good at everything he did. He was already so good at loving you. You could see it in everything he did for you. 

Your movement pulled his focus and his eyes followed when you moved to stand in front of him. You took a step closer to him, and your legs landed between his parted knees. His hands remained fisted stubbornly on his own knees but his eyes were open and he was looking at you standing in front of him. 

“Baekhyun, do you trust me?” 

He didn’t hesitate. He nodded his head up and down and you smiled down at him as he looked up at you. You lifted a hand and ran it over the back of his head and you saw the blink of his eyes when you slipped your fingers into his hair and scraped them against the back of his scalp. His lips parted and his eyes rolled. 

“And do you love me?” 

Your other hand cupped his pretty face and his eyes opened back up as he looked at you again. He nodded his head again, slower this time. 

“Then that’s all it takes to be good at it. I’ll help you with the details. You just do what feels good.” 

“Just do what feels good? I can do that.” He whispered into the quiet space of your dark bedroom and you felt the heat flooding along the surface cells of your skin. He had been sitting when he reached for you as he stood and placed his hands on the sides of your face. 

“Kissing you feels good,” he said and the warmth of his breath could not prepare you for him. You felt his mouth cover yours. You felt his tongue and his teeth biting lightly as he pulled your bottom lip inside of his mouth. 

“Touching you feels good,” he whispered into your open mouth. You felt his hands then and he was everywhere. You were unprepared. This was not something you would survive with your sanity intact. You’d wanted so much. You’d waited for so long that the first real kiss, the first real touches from his hands rendered you nearly completely incapacitated. 

The short skirt afforded him an expansive lot of skin to explore with his wandering hands. He gripped and he squeezed behind you, you felt the tips of his fingers squeeze your ass roughly and his hips were pushing into you. As convenient as these clothes were, they quickly lost their charm. You needed more skin. You needed to be done with them. You lifted both of your hands and you placed them on his shoulders and you firmly pushed him down to sit on the bed in front of you. He complied instantly and his eyes opened to look into your face as his heavy breaths flew through his parted lips. 

You reached for the bottom of your shirt and you lifted straight up, pulling it over your head in a single smooth motion and before you lost the nerve you reached for the side zipper of your skirt and pushed it down, letting it fall to the floor you stepped out of it. 

A burst of pride filled your chest. You’d made a good decision with the matching bra and panties set. 

His eyes were on you and you saw a spark in them. This was a new expression on him that you hadn’t seen, although something in his eyes as he looked at you brought along a wave of deja vu. Something you’d only seen as quick as a lightning flash in his eyes as he kneeled before your naked body that night, the night of the storm. 

He was looking at you and then he was touching you. You felt his warm hands slip a slow pathway along your hips. 

“God, Bug. You’re so fucking pretty, I’m not going to make it.” When he leaned into you, you felt his mouth, the softness of his lips and the warm puff of air from his breathing as he inhaled his oxygen from the bare skin the space just below your breasts. His hands traveled now, with firmer pressure as he moved, you felt slim fingertips move higher and slip below the back strap of your bra. 

You promised you’d help with the details. You reached behind and unclasped your bra hooks and the elastic gave. You pulled the garment down your arms and Baekhyun was leaning back onto your bed, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist as he leaned, he pulled you with him. His mouth was on your skin, he tasted and he when he pulled your hardened nipple into his mouth and sucked you nearly lost your mind. Your back arched and you moaned, closing your eyes tightly as his mouth worked on the sensitive nub. He moved like a fire and his hands touched you everywhere. Absolutely nothing about the way he touched you felt like he had any capacity in his whole body to be bad at this. 

“This is too much,” he complained into your skin. You felt it too, but you craved even more.

You needed his skin. You wanted to feel it under your fingertips and with your lips. You wanted to kiss him and taste him and smell him as he was doing to you. 

When you reached for his shirt, he left you pull it off him and when your hands flew to the button of his jeans he sat up on his knees to let you unzip him. 

You felt that your own breathing was frantic. You felt too out of control. You wanted too much too fast to stand this. 

Baekhyun stood to push himself out of his jeans and he joined you again with thin boxers straining against his hard erection. Your legs parted and you pulled him into you, still clothed in your panties and he landed perfectly in between your parted legs on the bed. His breathing was too fast and he whined out loud when you reached for him and palmed his hardness over his underwear. With every touch you could see him teetering on the edge. He would not last this way. You didn't really want him to. 

“Too much. It’s too much. Fuck.” His self control was shaky. He was already a mess. You felt drunk on the sight of him. The sounds he made, trembling, whining with his eyes closed and with your hands on him, those noisy sounds hit you like heroin, you wanted him to come. You wanted to hear it and you watched to watch his face as he did it. 

“I’m not going to make it. It’s too much already, I can’t,” he was whining again and his mouth was on yours as he kissed you, pulling your tongue into his mouth when you gave it to him. He was shaking already. You could see him losing control. If you kept touching him he would come in his boxers. 

“You can come first,” you whispered into his ear before you bit down on the smooth skin of his neck. His breaths came out in jagged bursts. 

“But, too soon,” he complained with closed eyes. Your hand rubbed over him again and his hips pushed forward into the feeling as you squeezed and pulled with your palm around the cloth covered head of his dick. 

“I want you to come first. You feel so good in my hand like this. I want to hear you come for me Baekhyun and then I’ll show you how you can touch me until you’re ready again.” 

Your fingers slipped under the elastic of his waistband as you spoke and you felt him stiffen on top of you when you wrapped your hand around the smooth skin of his shaft. 

“Oh God, Oh God,” he called out in his beautiful voice once you’d gotten him inside of your hand. You could feel the drops of wetness that had already collected at his tip and you used your thumb to spread the wetness over him and he let out a loud whine from the back of his throat as you did it. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can’t — I have to —” he complained and you felt his muscles contract as he stiffened on top of you, he pushed again with his hips and with his mouth open and his eyes screwed shut you felt the first pulses along the length of him followed by the rush of warm liquid that flooded the palm of your hand and seeped through the thin fabric of his boxers. He trembled all over as he came and he went motionless save for the occasional satisfying twitch. 

You felt positively possessed by the arousal. You pulled your hand out from his boxers and much of his mess had quickly soaked his underwear and even the panties you still wore and the bed sheets below you both felt sticky and moist. Still you saw the shine of wetness on your fingertips and his eyes followed you as you stuck your fingertips into your mouth and sucked off the taste of him, swallowing down the taste of his cum. 

He reeled from it. He breathed heavily and his mouth hung open, the evidence of just how much all of this affected him written as plain as day all over his face. His eyebrows screwed together and then he moved a hand down the inside of your thigh, running his fingertips lightly over the soaked fabric of the lace panties you wore. Most of it was from you. 

“Take them off,” you said. His fingers pulled at the sides and you lifted your hips as he rolled them off your legs. 

When he came back his eyes feasted and his hands moved slowly, reaching forward for you, cautious yet desperate to touch everywhere. The first touches were light and you moved your hand down to place your warm palm over his hand between your legs. The details; the right place to touch you and the right amount of pressure. He was paying close attention to your fingers and you could feel his hand following your lead. He was driving you crazy. You were so desperate for him.

“Do you feel how wet you made me?” 

You knew how wet you were. You were dealing with it for a significant amount of time already but something about guiding his fingers and slipping them between your folds as you taught him the movements; the way to make you come. He was directing his fingers and moving them over you in a way that felt amazing, you felt quickly undone with the rhythmic passes over your clit. You were so turned on even this amount of touch from him had you squirming in place almost immediately. 

“I did this?” He had a spark in his eyes as he asked and you saw the small grin that took over his face. His eyes were on your face as he moved and you pulled your hand away when you noticed he caught on instantly to the kinds of movements that could drive you crazy. Every sound you made had him chasing the same sound and every time you flinched his eyes would fly up to your face as if you were a puzzle he had to solve and he was determined to get it right. You felt his fingers moving over your clit, pulling between digits and adding pressure when he abruptly pulled his hand away you opened your eyes and gasped at the sudden loss. He had dropped his shoulders and you saw the top of his head with his fluffy hair buried between your legs a split second before you felt the softness of the tip of his wet tongue slip between your folds and bump against the already swollen and oversensitive spot. 

The man was an overachiever. You gasped out loud when his mouth opened and the suction of his mouth pulled hard enough to send a jolt of electric pleasure through your nervous system. You cried out and squirmed below his mouth and he pushed his fingers inside of you as he did it again. The room spun. You had to close your eyes and your hands reached down to touch his head. You threaded your fingers into his hair and when he did it again you gripped around the brown strands, you pulled his hair as he pulled hard with his mouth. He moved his tongue at the same time and you could not contain the trembling or the strong wave you gave into as you came. Your legs were shaking and he was still pulling. It was quickly becoming too much to take. You squeezed your thighs and reached for him, pushing him firmly away, he quickly pulled his face up from between your legs and the man was soaked. You were trying to breath and he was smiling his wide and blinding smile at you. 

“Baekhyun, how?” You couldn't get the words out. You felt too out of breath from the orgasm and his smile was so lovely he lit up the room with it. You shook your head back and forth and exhaled the first breath that wasn’t shaking since he’d gotten his mouth on you. 

“Did I do it right?” He was fishing. He sat there on his ankles and the moisture on his chin and neck reflected the dim lighting from your lamp. 

“So good, Baekhyun. It was so fucking good. You’re amazing.” His nose scrunched and his eyes blinked when you said it. It was the truth. You hadn’t imagined that he could learn so quickly and perform so well. You could see the puff of his chest with your honest compliments and his hands were touching you again— light, absentminded touches; you felt him move again. The fire felt somewhat quenched for now as he moved and he blinked slowly at you as he dipped and he shifted in place. He was pushing his boxers off as he moved and you could see from the light in the window the beautiful shape of him completely bare before you. 

“You’re so beautiful,” you said in awe at the sight of him. He licked his lips and glowed in the dim lighting. His smile pulled at his lips and you swooned to see him. You could also see that he was hard again. 

You reached for him when he dropped to you and you met in the middle, reaching for his face as he reached for yours and his lips and tongue tasted like your arousal for a moment before you swallowed the taste away and found that familiar taste of him. The undeniable and addictive smell of the air that came from his lungs. The scent of the thin layer of sweat that sat over his skin and the heat that mingled and mixed with the smell of your own skin as he pressed himself against you.

Baekhyun was situated with his hips between your legs and you held your breath when you felt the first bump of his hardness as he slipped around within your wetness. 

He pushed himself up on his knees and his eyes looked into yours. He didn’t move right away but you felt him reaching down between where you were separated and his eyes were down on his hand as he positioned himself at your entrance. 

Baekhyun was looking into your eyes when you felt the tip of him and he pushed himself inside. He pushed forward with his hips; you felt the stretch; the pressure of it. A gasp escaped your lips and his eyes were on you when his mouth fell open. He pushed further and his eyes rolled back into his head, closing up as he filled you completely. You were filled. It stole your oxygen. You were overwhelmed by everything. 

He went completely motionless when he got inside of you. When he was finally inside of you. 

“Oh my god,” he said with his eyes closed up. His head was moving and small whimpers came from his throat when he pulled out and he pushed in again. You were transfixed by watching his face. “Holy fuck,” he spoke freely and noisily and when he wasn’t whining he was moaning out loud. When he wasn’t moaning he was cursing and you were lost under the spell of him. He quickly found a rhythm as he chased the need to move, pulling out and pushing in again and his movements grew more confident. 

You were getting lost in him. You could feel the way your body clung to him tightly and you pulled him into you when he pulled away. Your mouth found his as he dropped down to you and pushed inside roughly and you wrapped around him when you felt him rolling. You found yourself surrounding him and surrounded by him at the same time. You were on top of his lap and the dizziness of the movement made your head spin. His arms wrapped around your waist and he sat up with you on him and still inside of you and he wrapped his strong arms around your waist and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and you held on to him so tightly. Tight enough that the movements of your body slowed and you felt him push deep inside of you again and again. His mouth was on yours and you shared the same air just as completely as you shared the same space. 

Your heart was raging inside of your chest and the ache to get closer to him pulsed with it. The need for closeness was overwhelming. Your nails dug into the skin on his back and you bit down on his shoulder with your teeth. The need was too deep. Your mind was lost to it and you whimpered into the skin of his neck when you felt the wave overtake you again. 

You were lost. 

You were lost. 

You could feel yourself shaking all over and you squeezed tightly around him when you felt the flood of his heat inside of you and the heavy breathing in your own chest mirrored his own as he gripped your body tightly and held you so close to him. 

The spell took ages to break. You held onto each other for too many heavy breaths to count and when you lifted your head from where you were buried in his neck his hands lifted to cradle the back of your head. 

Baekhyun’s lips were back. He kissed you deeply and slowly and you melted into him, feeling the fatigue in your limbs nagging you. 

You were laid down and the substantial messes were ignored for now. You were kissed again and again and when those kisses turned quicker and sloppier you felt your own lips pulling into a smile. 

Your body was nagging you though. You felt the need to clean yourself up. You knew you’d have clean your bed too and when you’d finally managed to extract yourself from his arms and his lips you made your way into your bathroom. It was your second shower of the day only this time you turned on the hot water to heat up. 

A quick peek into your bedroom gave you a glimpse of him. Baekhyun was laying on your bed, still naked and laying flat on his back. After a few moments he moved and sat up, pulling the sheet below his body with the tips of his fingers. He was making a face to himself, scrunching up his nose and sticking his tongue out as he pulled on the wet fabric of your bed sheets and it made you laugh out loud. 

“Is it always this messy? Bug—” he was calling out to you from the bed. He looked a little like he might be trapped there. “Bug? Bug, help. It’s all over my stomach. What do I do with it?” 

His hands were reaching out and you saw him grab the first soft thing he touched. It was pink and it was fluffy and it had been sitting in the corner of your bed. Your temper flashed hot. He was not about to use your cutest most innocent stuffed animal for this. 

“Peanut, if you wipe up your cum with Mr. Nibbles, I’ll never, ever forgive you. Put him down.” 

His hand opened and the pink fluff fell to the floor below. Safe for now. Baekhyun was sitting up on the side of your bed and he was mumbling to himself. “It’s not just mine, LoveBug. We made this mess together.” 

“Well let’s clean up together then,” you said, with a few steps in his direction and reached for his arm, pulling him up from the bed toward your bathroom where the hot water was steaming up the mirror and calling out to you. The building hunger pangs in your stomach called to you as well. All at once, the needs came at you one by one. 

You heard a low stomach rumble coming from the beautiful naked man whose arm you pulled through the doorway of your bathroom. 

“And then we can eat together,” you sing-songed and you heard the small huff of a laugh that came from his nose. His smile was wide and he looked at you with so much affection in his eyes. 

“And then we can take a walk together and hold hands, and watch a movie together and we can wash the bed sheets together and play a game together. An easy game though. Not one of those hard ones where I just die and die. We can play a  _ nice _ game together and you can let me win at least one time. Not every time, just once is fine. I can’t win every time, it’s just not realistic. I will understand. I am a very understanding person.” 

You weren't done. Once you’d gotten going you really couldn't help the excitement that took you over when you imagined all of the things you wanted to do with him. You had a list in your head of all of the things you wanted and you could hear the quiet giggles from Baekhyun that were nearly drowned out by the running water that you were about to step inside. 

“Oh! And then we can delete your dating profile together and you can tell me how long you’ve been in love with me and I will tell you about all of the sex dreams I’ve had about you. And then—”

His hand pulled you back. The warm water had been so close you could already feel the refreshing cleanliness that was just within your grasp. The frown that formed on your lips was short lived because you felt his warm arms encircle your shoulders and he pulled you into his chest. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” he was saying it again and again. You could hear the smile on his lips as he said it and his love declarations coated you completely both inside and out and you wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him into your arms as you squeezed him tightly. 

“We have so much to do together,” he said softly into your hair after the truth of the love declarations had settled and you ran your hand through the back of his head, pulling his hair through your fingertips with each pass. 

“A lifetime of them,” you said. Your heart felt so full and somehow you couldn’t find it in you to feel anxious about saying this to him. It was the truth that you felt inside of your heart, you felt it so completely. 

He pulled his face back to look into your face and you saw a remarkable serenity in his warm brown eyes. His lips pulled into an easy smile and he inhaled a breath to respond to you.

“A lifetime, Bug,” he said with a nod of his head and a spark in his eyes, “together.” 

  
  


[The End]

  
  



End file.
